I’ve had this card since I was born. Everyone on the telly, in business and in academia keep telling me how useful it is.
My family are all honkies too. I think this means our privilege levels are through the roof?
Well, it appears that this card has not given me or those close to me much, if any privilege at all. My mother is keen on all that ancestry stuff, and it seems most of my ancestors were either in workhouses for the poor, child labourers or blown to pieces in wars. Most died young. My family kept looking for the white privilege we’re told that we all have, but we still haven’t found it.
I’ve had to work myself half to death just to get a reasonable standard of living. Nothing fancy mind. And it takes me 60-80 hours a week of my time. I’m told my city needs to become more ‘diverse’ too. There are too many of us whites you see. Too many whites is bad. Too many blacks is great. This card is shite.
If I want to enrol on a part-time master’s degree course, I’ll need to be much better than any dark keys who apply. If they’re anything like close to my academic level, they’ll get that place at Oxbridge, not me.
If I want a promotion…well it’s the same again. Deshawn has only been here a year and constantly fucks up and is a lazy cunt to boot, but the dark keys need a ‘role model’. Wait your turn, honky man. Once all the dark keys are happy, that is.
I’m told that I and my people are the problem when it comes to things like crime. I mean, just look at the cases of George Floyd and Stephen Lawrence. Well, how could you miss those stories, right? Then I look at crime statistics and see that whites are much more likely to be killed, assaulted or raped by blacks than the other way around. This never gets mentioned. White crimes are highlighted, and the much more prevalent black ones are either played down or hidden altogether. Is my card faulty or something?
I can’t even watch my football team without them kneeling for black people and demanding I do the same. I’m told that we are not needed in the media. I hear words like ‘hideously white’ being used by our MPs and this seems fine. Again, this white privilege card seems to do nothing.
Millionaires like Michael Holding and Lenny Henry tell me off about my privilege and the oppression they suffer at my hands. Mr Holding, who spends his time in his large properties in the Caribbean during the UK’s winter months, and his summers watching horse racing and cricket in Blighty. He’s telling me I’m privileged and that he’s oppressed? He must be right though, he’s always on the telly and his word treated as gospel.
No, I’m taking the damn thing back. It’s useless. But that black privilege card?
Now you’re talking. I hear there are mad enough plastic surgeons out there who can make you black.
If I’m not on EastEnders, all the adverts or reading the news within a week, I’ll eat my privileged white ringpiece.
Fuck off.
Nominated by: Cuntybollocks
