My friend who I have mentioned before. Anyway last night he won! Let’s have a party! Everything going great but he can’t resist -‘I’m just nipping out’ Comes back all quiet, a sure sign there’s a problem.

Now the booze is running out. We all turn to him. ‘I’ve fucked up’ meaning he has just lost all the money. What is so funny I find with these situations is everybody standing round then realising the party’s over and having to walk forlornly home. As I say the party was at full swing at 8 and everybody gone home or gone to bed at 9.

This often happens with him. We’re all going on a summer holiday! All the preparations for a week. He was organising it. Anyway, we get there and he hasn’t paid.

’I forgot’. Once again everyone stood around. And of course he couldn’t pay now because he’s lost all his money again. Nothing to do but go home.

He used to lie. And It took me ages to work this out. ‘My coat’s been nicked with all my money in it’. So I took it upon myself to find out where it was. A day spent doing this.

Anyway it happened again and again until it dawned on me he’s not lost his coat at all or had it nicked he’s just lost all his money at the bookies again. When I addressed him finally he looked straight ahead and just didn’t say anything.

There was a news piece a few years ago about some fella who had got all his friends to invest in something. Turned out there was nothing. It was a complete fantasy. One of those conned caught up with him and on camera confronted him with all his questions. Just silence, no response. Like my friend.

I don’t know if was had up for fraud or anything. I think he might just have got away with it, simply moved on.

My friend never has to move on. He has his martyr-like ex- wife to support him.

Just keep silent and everything will be alright.

Nominated by: Miles Plastic

The Crown Prince of Nauseating songs. All hail.

On warm summer days the wife and I spend a lot of time loafing about in the garden, drinking wine and listening to oldies on some ‘classics’ radio channel. Generally you’ll hear good stuff, running the gamut from ABBA, the Beatles and the Bee Gees, all the way through to the Zombies.

Unfortunately from time to time, they’ll destroy the mood by playing some muck that’s so cheesy that it can induce feelings ranging from slight biliousness to a head-spinning, migraine style nausea, making you want to vomit in the nearest flowerbed.
There we were yesterday, basking in the sun like a couple of lizards and enjoying hearing some good tunes again, when on comes THIS abomination;

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2oSjhuIb6Us

Christ on a bike. Who actually went out and bought this, then listened to it without feeling queasy?

Naturally this set us off down memory lane, and before too long we had a list of nauseating songs which for my money, should be flushed down the nearest khazi.
“JJ Barrie, ‘No Charge’ is a cert”, said the wife gleefully. “Clive Dunn, ‘Grandad’. Neil Reid, ‘Mother of Mine’…”.

It didn’t take me long to come up with Billie Piper, ‘Because We Want To’, and ‘Honey’, by Bobby Goldsboro. “What about ‘Hello, This Is Joannie’, by Paul What’s-his-name, and ‘Save Your Love’, by Renée and Renato”?, chipped in the missus again.

Well, this little game kept us amused for quite a while, and made me think that I’d like to start up a K-tel type label (“Shithouse Records”, I think I’d call it) to launch a series of releases for the enjoyment of cunters everywhere. I’d follow “Now That’s What I Call Nauseating” with “NTWIC Irritating” and “NTWIC Boring”.

But let’s stay with the nausea theme for now. Come on you cunters out there in IsAcunt. What songs cause you queasily to reach for the sickbag? I’ll see your ‘Uptown Uptempo Woman’, and raise you a ‘Candle In The Wind’ *warble warble* “goodbah England’s rose…”. Thanks for that one Fat Reg. Now do one, there’s a good chap.

Nominated by: Ron Knee

Won The Apprentice, got knocked up and left the job immediately.

A few days ago I cunted the news (and whining minorities), as sly news and the beebistan were spouting a load of woke shite….
At the end I said, and I quote; “that’s the last time I watch the fucking news”.

Well. I lied.

When I heard GB news was launching I thought “yippee” and tuned in.

For the first couple of days it was good. Didn’t watch it much as I’m a busy man, but Andrew Neil seemed good and I didn’t see any race or gender bollocks.

Just as I thought though, it was too good to be true….

Just turned on and it’s Michelle Dewbury talking to Yasmine Ali Bah Bah Brown (that Groaniad cretin) banging on about the benefits of poovery. They discussed about how much they both love the noofters and something about effnic pooves…. (I’ve zoned out by this point, fantasising about busting a cricket bat over both their skulls).

Next it’s about armed forces week. Some retired/retarded ex army bloke banging on about diversity, recruiting more wimminz and more minorities ….. blah blah fucking diversity gays wimminz blah blah blah….

…. that’s the last time I watch the fucking news.
I mean it this time.

…except Andrew Neil.

https://www.gbnews.uk/

Nominated by: DeploytheSausage.

After all the nominations from yesterday, we’re adding an extra Brucie bonus post today and tomorrow. Enjoy! – DA

A massive four legged cunting for cunts with pitt bull type dogs

You know the kind of low life scum i mean, the pricks who walk into a park and let the fuckers off their leads, usually drug dealers or the local gaaaangstars innit looking for somewhere to eat their KFC or smoke pot.

If only these cunts cunt dogs would turn on the owners and tear them apart., but it rarely goes that way, its usually some innocent person trying to have a picnic, see the link.

Now i know its not the dogs fault if its owner is a fuckwitt cunt but like Audi drivers you can bet the owner is usually a cunt and so when you see a pitbull type dog the conclusion is more often accurate.

These fuckers should be properly punished for this, i can honestly say i would much prefer to see these cunts mauled by a pack of Hyenas than watch an old blind Jack Russel have to go through that, not to mention the trauma on the dogs owners.

So to all stinking of weed, gangster wanna be, gobshite cunts who think having dogs they cant control makes them look good, there wont be much sympathy for you from me when your mutt tears your little boy/girl/ granny a new arsehole and hopefully you get 10 years of getting reamed on Saturday nights.

These are the cunts mustard gas was designed for……

Link to story.

Nominated by: Fuglyucker

This cunt factory is in Hammersmith……very posh, very prestigious…….£26,000 a year to you Sir. You probably thought you could escape the hand of the woke at such an establishment. Think again.

As from September the Head Girl will be known as the Head of School so as not to upset the “non binaries.”

Hold on a minute, doesn’t Head of School sound a bit like the Head Teacher? That’s a bit confusing innit? Not really because the Head Teacher is actually called the High Mistress!

Seriously! I’m not making this shit up. The High Mistress is one Sarah Fletcher who claims there are at least 150 different gender identities. Oh yeah, name them then Sarah you dozy old ratbag. Don’t just pick a number out of the air and think no cunt is going to challenge it.

What an absolute load of fucking bollocks.

Nominated by: Freddie the Frog 

Helpful links provided by Ruff Tuff Creampuff

Stonewall says no more boys and girls

School drops gender labelling