Smart Chargers

Smart Chargers (Smart Meters raison d’etre).

Smart Meters have been nominated before but, bad as they are, they are just the thin end of the nasty fat wedge that is climate change bollox.

Luckily, smart meters per se are not mandatory. But, due to a pernicious new piece of legislation, smart chargers will be mandatory if you install a charger for an electric car. These will work with smart meters to only charge an electric car when the grid has excess capacity (let’s hope there’s not a big take up of electric cars then!). Also, they will take charge out of a charged car battery to supplement the grid if necessary (this “benefit” has not been widely publicised by Mr Gummidge, surprisingly).

Imagine, you get home late from a busy day at work and plug your electric car into charge (at peak time because that’s how it works out with your job) because you are relying on it for an important meeting that you are going to leave home early for tomorrow in the small hours to beat the traffic on a 100 mile journey. Jump in your car the next day and it’s got less charge than it started out with as the smart charger has decreed that it’s getting it’s juice back between 5 & 8 am (because, as they said on The Fast Show: “computer says no”).

What a cunt!

It looks like the key to avoiding having your electricity supply throttled is to avoid getting an electric car. I should manage that OK – I shall be hanging onto my smelly old diesel as long as I can find something to put in the tank – maybe JP-1A, there doesn’t seem to be any plan to ban that anytime soon as the Elite’s private jets run on it) ?

Electric Car New Charging Rules

Nominated by: mikdys

Sharks go woke

A leading Australian researcher wants to rename shark attacks to ‘shark encounters’ to stop the negative stereotype.

Presumably the horrible stereotype of being mauled/killed by a shark. If they later want to get injury lawyers to sue people who injure sharks might I suggest the name ‘No fin, no fee’?

Shark Microaggression

Nominated by: LazyBiscuits

The Bedwetting Media

22 skiddoo.

Feeding the public’s relatively newfound appetite for being afraid, I have noticed a ratcheting up of the language of dread in recent scoops.

Exhibit One:

The current heatwave is a ‘natural disaster’ that could lead to the deaths of hundreds (fuck me)…cue for limp twats everywhere to shit their pants:

https://www.bristolpost.co.uk/news/uk-world-news/heatwave-natural-disaster-england-deaths-5678059

Exhibit Two:

A man was ‘alarmed’. Police are investigating. Take my advice cunters, stay indoors until this emergency is officially over and the PM has made a fucking statement:

https://www.devonlive.com/news/devon-news/police-investigating-torquay-incident-saw-5678013

Soon an old lady falling over will be national news.

This country is fucking shit, full of Softy Walter types (acknowledgement to Dennis the Menace). Have the Lib Dems gained political power without me realising? I am ashamed to be British. I think I will change my nationality to Cuntish. Fuck off.

Nominated by – Twenty Thousand Cunts Under the Sea

 

Martyn Smith

Apologies for the image quality, it’s quite hard to find a good picture of the cunt.

A cunting for the despicable motherfucking cunt who is, and I’d rather type, ‘Was’, Martyn Smith.

Who? This Gold-Plated Cunt stabbed two paramedics who attended his house following a call to check on his welfare.

He stabbed one in the chest and the other in the back as he ‘Exited’ the building. Fortunately, the police were also in attendance and arrested the cunt, and, also caught the attack on their bodycams.

It is a sobering watch as the poor bastards attend what should be a routine call and are confronted with this. Also, the sentence handed out for stabbing two of my green colleagues? NINE fucking years. Yeah, that told him….

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-birmingham-57779506

Nominated by – DCI Gene Cunt

The Emmys

Hold the IsAC front page Admin!

News is breaking that the Duke and Duchess of Netflix could be getting an award for their *a-hem* ‘bombshell’ interview with arch race-baiter Oprah ‘Wrighty in a wig’ Winfrey.
Crikey, the two-hour sob and whinge fest has only gotten itself a nomination for a bloody EMMY award in the (wait for it!) ‘Outstanding Hosted Non-fiction’ category. No, you read it right first time; that’s ‘NON-FICTION’ category!

Now in case any of you out there in IsACland aren’t aware, the EMMYs are handed out Stateside for ‘the achievement of excellence in the television industry’.
Bwa ha ha ha ha! Non-fiction; no fucking shit Sherlock!

You sometimes have to wonder whether our cousins across the pond are losing the plot. An award for a poorly-researched piece of schlock that’s been shown to be riddled with deceit and falsehoods which were left unchallenged throughout? You’ve got to be kidding.
Excellence my arse. The Emmys, just like the Oscars, have become nothing more than a sad joke.

Special Emmy for Harry and Meghan

Nominated by: Ron Knee