EMERGENCY CUNTING 🚨

India and Pakistan are at each others throats, not that I care a jot about that – unless the nuclear option happens. I’m more concerned that we have 1.6 million Pakistanis and 1.9 million Indians in the U.K. (that’s two big city’s worth – needs a cunting in itself that one) and how long before:

A) we have the predicted blood on our streets, in schools etc.
B) ‘Passport Britains’ go off to get involved and are either captured, hurt or injured causing our weak PM no end of him posturing and getting us embroiled in it all. Not to mention there would, again, be riots on our streets. Diversity is our strength, or so we are told.

Sly News.

Nominated by : Fortress Cuntimus

Some buck-tooth’d up-and-coming actress threw a hissy fit because Saturday Night Live did a sketch mocking her grinders. Relax darling, it’s only humour.

Apparently, the sabre-toothed thespian is a northern bird so you’d expect her to be a bit less sensitive. She probably scored the job with a reacharound and half a bag of chips. “Eee, fookin’ vinegaa, ya bastid”. The producer probably turned down a bj after seeing those tin-openers.

Fancy going into the entertainment industry and being so snowflakey.

Chill out, beaver gnashers. You’ll be back on Corrie soon, “Eee, fookin’ ell, ah woz on a yank comeh-dehh show once yur knorr, an’ it were proper bangin”too.”

Sly News.

Nominated by : Captain Magnanimous

HBO have confirmed the casting of Paapa Essiedu as Severus Snape in the (very loose) adaptation of Harry Potter. Fan-fucking-tastic. So much for sticking rigidly to the books and trying to wash out the bad taste of those (mostly) god-awful movies from the 2000s.

Putting aside the race issue entirely, this guy was also a model! Snape was clearly described as being an ugly, greasy haired, neckbeard.

His race is going to cause problems whatever way you spin it. It’s another blatant slap in the face to white people but consider this, harry constantly accuses him of being a mistrustful traitor, the character is bullied by a bunch of privileged white kids in his youth, strung up on a tree, the girl he loves ditches his ass for a rich white guy, he joins the wizarding ku-klux-klan and gets white people killed because he can’t handle rejection. Smartly thinking HBO. You reap what you sow.

Of course the casting is deliberate just to piss everyone off, we know it and we expect it. So my nomination goes this cunt Essiedu himself for accepting the role and ruining any chance of redemption for JK Rowling and her one worthwhile product.

Oh and Hermione will definitely be black and all the white kids will want to rape her after reading Andrew Tate propaganda in their owl post.

Nominated by Cunt Dracula.

Now is the spring of our discontent
Made glorious summer by this daughter of Stockport

Who else like me is getting all nostalgic for the 1970s? Labour government, public sector strikes (teachers next), rubbish and rats. The Bikeshed Girl’s in ‘crisis what crisis?’ mode but hey, she’ll sort it out. Unfortunately she gets dosh from Unite, the striking union, so no conflict of interest there then, eh Ange?
And just think, we’ve got Psycho Ed’s power cuts to look forward to as well.

Far out man, can you dig it? Fish out those tie dye tee shirts and flares from the loft, reinflate the space hopper, and lets boogie on down to Cum On Feel The Noize. Even Labour supporting Fat Reg has made a record with a certain Brandi Carlile (me neither) filling in for Kiki Dee.

It’s deja vu all over again.

Sky news

Nominated by Geordie Twatt.

In 2015 Aswat was convicted in a US court of various offences relating to attempting to set up a terrorist training camp in Utah, aided by his good pal Abu Hamza, and sentenced to 20 years.

He was released in 2022 ( yes, 7 years into his 20 year sentence, because he spent so much time in custody in the UK, it counted towards his time), and promptly deported to the UK, where he was swiftly detained under the Mental Health Act, and confined in Bethlem Royal Hospital.

He’s now up for release back to his home in Batley, despite grave concerns that he is a threat to national security.

Hang on, a convicted criminal, self confessed terrorist and certified utter lunatic is OK to be released?

The Home Office has stated that
” Robust measures are in place to protect the public”

Oh well, that’s OK than, the Home Office has learnt the lessons that needed to be learned, and everything’s alright with the world?

bbcnews

Nominated by Jeezum Priest.