Another vocal viral infection from yankland to work alongside “That’s a great question’. Arrived via American TV news and soon spread on the vacuous UK 24/7 TV News cycle. Works as below.
In this example news is broken of the latest atrocities in Palmyra Syria by the spectacularly brutal Russian mercenaries known as the Wagner Group led by one Yevgeny Prigozhin, a close mucker of Comrade Putin. Yevgeny is wearing full military fatigues and a gentle smile while a hatchet faced News Bimbo with dark roots left fashionably showing through her blond dye job puts him to the question.
News Bimbo (appalled): “Yevgeny Prigozhin – there is cell phone footage circulating of your men under your command beating a Syrian civilian then taking a sledgehammer to his bollocks and then decapitating him, pouring petrol over his body and then setting light to it while they pose for selfies. How can you possibly justify such depraved violation of a human being before you hacked his head off?”
Yevgeny (totally unfazed and smiling politely) “Thank you for having me.”
Phrase sound familiar? Drummed into one by the mater as GOOD MANNERS.
Remember that in the ‘50s? Adolescent parties where the parents would retreat for the evening and leave the house to their Little Johnny and his friends. Would only do it if their Little Johnny had no friends as a bribe to find him some chums.
Always a good reason why L J had problems in the human interface department and was considered a sneak and a wanker. (Yours Truly was never allowed parties at home except in the Deb season).
Debs? You low brow cunts. Debs or debutants are spiffingly fragrant young gels of an age to hook a fine young man of refined breeding. Hormones Cunters. In short a high class marriage mart.
To continue. Little Johnny’s mum gets on the blower to the the other mums or sends fragrant little notelets out to those without blowers (this is the ’50s). RSVP donchaknow.
Sure as eggs is eggs word gets out to more unsavoury quarters. You remember those boys at Prep. Lumsden with the pink wobbly arse, not safe in the showers with him. The Grice twins forever in a brotherly embrace. Spots, the big lad covered in acne whose brows meet in the middle and forever wanking into his desk when Miss Brooks was teaching. Oh yes Best Days of your life.
End a long story Little Johnny lets ‘em all in, too scared not to including half the Hells Angels, South London Chapter. Needless all sorts of shenanigans take place. Grice Twins bollock wrestling in the bathroom, Angels drinking the old man’s spirits and pissing all over the carpet – to be fair cannot get in the khazi due to the Grice Twins sporting contest. Some HooRays go around the place ripping up the cushions and pillows aided by the Angels and for our supporters of the LGBT Community (unknown then) Little Johnny comes out as a raving woofter and proves it.
Then LJ decides it’s time to liven up the party and starts playing his parents Edmundo Ross 78s and a conga line soon forms (we did that sort of thing in the ‘50s) led by Yours Truly right up to the mater’s knicker draw. ‘50s knickers were very frilly. Shoot your load and vacate space for the next fellow was the form. Came the return of The Parents and time to stiffen and bow like a good little man, deliver the line good manners to fuck orf sharpish.
“Thank you for having me” or at least that’s how I remember it.
Please note absolutely no resemblance to any individuals living or cacked implied or intended
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Nominated by: Sir Limply Stoke
