Hold the fucking front page.
”Octavian: BBC Sound of 2019 winner announces he’s quitting music”
Me neither, but he is described as a rapper.
What can we do? I am fucking bereft.
That such a multi talented (he won some BBC shite so he must be) musical genius has quit music is a body blow to us aficionados of utterly talentless, music free (unless it includes a ‘sample’) shite.
I hope and pray that Stormzy continues to entertain us with his musical genius.
Nominated by: Cuntstable Cuntbubble
“Good afternoon. This is IsAC’s arts correspondent Ron Knee reporting. As some of our followers may be aware, the National Theatre of Scotland has banned the use of the word ‘spooky’ from future productions. Today I’m joined by Tabatha Wryght-Onn, the company’s Director of Linguistics Protocol, to discuss what some might regard as a rather odd decision”.
“Yah, well hi Ronnie. Er, may I call you Ronnie? Is that a suitable form of address? Just let me make a note of your chosen personal pronouns…”.
“Don’t worry about that, our followers don’t go in for that sort of thing. Perhaps we can cut to the chase, with you telling us just what’s going on here”.
“Okay yah. We feel most strongly that the word ‘spooky’ can be seen as having racist connotations, so it jolly well has to go”.
“What? Has anyone actually complained when you’ve used the term in previous productions?”.
“Erm, well, like no, but we’re concerned that it could become problematic acshully. Thinking progressively, it’s vital that we ruthlessly interrogate language for historically oppressive connotations that cannot be permitted or tolerated…”.
“This is bizarre. As far as I’m aware, the term ‘spooky’ has never had any racist undertones whatever in Britain. A ‘spook’ is a ghost, or latterly a term for a spy. You’re just creating a problem where one doesn’t even exist. It’s a ludicrous piece of virtue signalling that can only do more harm than good”.
“Hmmph! That’s just the sort of reactionary response one would expect from someone as male, pale and stale as you! I suggest you check your privilege!”.
“And that’s the sort of reaction I would expect from a culture wars radical like you. I suggest you check your arsehole, to see if you can find your head up it”.
“Really! I’m not staying here to be insulted by a racist and a bigot!”.
*storms off in a huff*.
“Well it looks as though she’s headed back to where she usually goes. So there we have it; the nation’s decline into loony leftism continues. This is Ron Knee, for IsAC, returning you to the studio”.
Nominated by: Ron Knee
Mark Hankinson is a cunt, isn’t he.
Who’s this red-faced shit-bag and why does he look so constipated? He’s a leading British huntsman who was caught in a leaked online training webinar in 2020 telling other wildlife-murderers how to hunt illegally. On the call, this devious sister-fucker explained how “to create a smokescreen” to enable them “to portray to the people watching that you’re going about legitimate business”.
These barbaric Hunt Cunts always think they’re above the law.
Nonetheless, it’s another nail in the coffin for this wretched practice and its pikeyish, knuckle-dragging lackeys. A number of organisations (National Trust, Forestry England, the Lake District National Park, Natural Resources Wales) have so far withdrawn their permission to allow cunts on hunts to cross their land.
This trucculent inbreed should really be in prison. Better still, the chinless maggot should be chased through villages for fear of being beaten, bitten, then disembowelled and ripped apart like the foxes are.
Hunt scum.
Nominated by: Captain Magnanimous
If I’d made this story up I would be accused a) of being racist and b) of being too far fetched in my naming of the lead villain.
You see, Boota Ram was the mastermind and chief instigator of an £8 million scam which involved he and his mates slamming on their brakes so hard and suddenly that it caused innocent motorists to smash into the back of their cars. Yes, they were ramming the boot of poor old Boota Ram in a crash for cash scheme.
Then of course he would put in multiple claims for damage to his vehicles and for whiplash injuries. They did this on an industrial scale to such an extent that it roused the attention of the insurance companies legal teams and the police. When they raided his home he denied that the laptop which contained all the information regarding the crimes was his. However, they discovered the password was “Boota Ram” and that the laptop held a picture of him using it!
He was also captured on film at several of the incidents, his mean snarling face staring into the camera.
They arrested his cohort but he has gone on the run.
Anyone seen Boota Ram? Watch out, you could crash into the cunt soon.
Nominated by: Sir Greeb Streebling
Walking Wartime Britain
I have nothing against the presenter Arthur Williams.
A Para Olympian who served in the Royal Marines.
He ended up in a wheelchair after a car accident.
But his programme Walking Wartime Britain is typical Channel 4 woke shit.
At best in should be renamed ‘Wheeling Around Wartime Britain (The flat bits)’.
Channel 4 chose Arthur for no other reason other than he is disabled.
Everyone should know their limitations, and although Arthur may be a nice bloke that you could have a few pints with, and he may have some good stories about his past, he is a boring cunt and TV presenting does not suit him.
Fuck you (again) Channel 4.
A good idea for a documentary series fucked up with your wokery.
Nominated by: The Artful Cunter