There are many big problems which confront us all in our daily lives; Covid, the cost of living, worrying about the grandkids’ future and what have you. We all have to bear with these stoically.

But sometimes it’s those little irritations which really drive you to distraction. Take today for instance. I’m not long back from a walk, and true to habit I stopped at a café for a cappuccino and a scone.

I walked up the counter to be greeted by ‘what can I get ya fella?’. Now being addressed as ‘fella’ by a weedy hipster with a man bun wasn’t a good start. He then compounded my annoyance by duly placing my order on the table and saying ‘there ya go dude. Enjoy’.

Sodding ‘fella’? ‘Dude’? I was fully expecting the cunt to complete a triumverate of shitty Americanisms by referring to me as ‘buddy’ when I went to pay. As it turned out, this was dealt with by a rather attractive young lady in an incredibly tight top, so all was not lost.

As I said at the outset, there are many big problems to worry us without getting wound up by trivia, but in this case I just can’t help it. I don’t know why, but this mode of address simply boils my piss. Call me ‘mate’, call me ‘pal’, just don’t call me fucking ‘dude’. This ain’t California.

I don’t know who’s the bigger twat; wannabe trendies who seem to think that it’s ‘cool’ to refer to me using these hackneyed Americanisms, or me for letting it get to me.

What a cunt.

Nominated by: Ron Knee

Seconded by Jeezum Priest:

I’d like to support this.
I find over familiarity offensive.
I’m Mr. Not mate, pal, buddy
Sis is also firm on this.
“Did you just call me love? Do you want your face to look like an Ordnance survey map?

Most cults are harmless and id encourage any thinking of joining one to go ahead.

But theres a new kid in town!

The Nullo cult is run by someone called the Eunuch maker.
To join you have your winky and love eggs castrated with live pay per view!

This was influenced by jap artist
Mao sugiyami who at age 23yr had his cock an balls removed where he had it served as a meal for a party of five.
Later going on to cut off his nipples.
Seems normal.

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-10484237/Police-raid-sinister-Nullo-cult-north-London-arrest-seven-men.html

Nominated by: Miserable northern cunt

The Winter Olympics

The only good thing about the Winter Olympics is that you get hours of television without seeing a black person, and as it is on the BBC you do not have to suffer adverts showing Pakistanis landing airplanes in their living room.

Other than that it is a wankfest.

What the fuck is curling all about?

I can understand the principles of the game but why have people with brooms?

What next?

Lawn green bowls with a team that has a couple of guys with hover mowers?

The ski jumping is nonsense.

Camera angles make it look a lot more dangerous than it actually is.

It’s not even about who can jump the farthest.

It’s marked on style and technique.

There is also something called a telemark that has to be ‘hit’.

The rules seem to have been made up by a committee.

The skiing race where the competitors have to stop now and then to shoot at a target.

Two totally unrelated disciplines.

You may as well have a 10,000 meter race at the Summer Olympics where the runners have to stop after every lap and throw 101 with 3 darts.

Ice dancing.

Triple lutz, double salco, one and a half axel.

It’s all the fucking same.

Nobody can tell the difference.

But how did ice dancing originate?

A young couple looking over a frozen lake in Scandinavia.

“Do you fancy a dance?”

“On the fucking ice? Don’t be a cunt, it’s slippy. I will go arse over tit”

Padding out the games by dreaming up unlikely things you can do on snow and ice.

Going down an icy slope head first on a tea tray.

Going down an icy slope feet first on a tea tray.

Coming next……

Going down an icy slope on all fours with a tulip stuck up your arse, on a tea tray.

Downhill skiing on a short course, then a medium course, then a long course and now a GIANT course.

And why ski through gates that easily collapse when hit?

Make it more realistic and introduce the possibility of serious injury by having them ski around big pine trees.

Fuck the Winter Olympics and fuck the stupid cunts that turn up to watch it with their cow bells.

Nominated by The Artful Cunter…

And here’s ElDiablo666 with some thoughts on the summer edition:

Can I add the summer Olympics into this too? Both are pointless and stupid. Opening ceremony costs a fortune, the whole torch-relay we had as stupid. On top of that, try getting a ticket to see anything if you didnt buy it 25 years in advance. Half the teams are full of people who arent even from their country too. And with the rule against amateurs, theres no Eddie The Eagle or Jamaican Bobsleigh team anymore. Whats more, they want to add in new shit like breakdancing and other non-sports. Fuck the whole thing.

Storm selfie takers are cunts. Risking themselves just to score some points on tik tok or facebook.

https://uk.news.yahoo.com/storm-dudley-eunice-met-office-warns-brits-against-taking-storm-selfies-150937666.html

Not that I care if these arseholes kill or injure themselves, but it’s the emergency services who have to waste their time aiding these cunts who I feel for.

(Very short nom but it’s topical and might bring some light relief for those dealing with Eunice, so we allowed it. – NA)

Nominated by: mystic maven

The latest being:-

”Attacks on Carrie Johnson are “sexist” and “misogynistic” the health secretary has said following the serialisation of a book about the PM’s wife.”

Here we go again. Just like any criticism of St Marcus of Rashford, BLM and their anti-semitic dodgy agenda is racist, any suggestion that muslims dont fit with Western values is Islamophobic, and any debate about trannies is transphobic.

Now justified and researched comments on Carrie Johnson are sexist. No debate allowed.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-60286215

Nominated by: Cuntstable Cuntbubble