Shaving.. What a cunt!

Fortunately I’m a slow grower. Takes at least a couple of days before whiskers start to dominate my mug. And come the third day I have to shave the lot off because not only do I look like a scruffy cunt,but those whiskers irritate the hell out of me.

That said, I’m glad I’m not the werewolf kind of cunt who shaves at 8 in the morning, only for it all to come back by 5pm. What a cunt that must be having to wet or dry shave of a morning/evening, every day for the rest of your life.

Wimminz bang on about all their problems, especially come middle age and the onset of menopause. But they have absolutely no idea what its like to have to shave every bleedin’ day- the sheer monotony of going through the same process every morning (or in my case every 2nd or 3rd day); slopping on the soap or shaving foam and then getting the razor out and gently whizzing it around one’s face in the vain hope of not getting any nicks that will only show up when you least expect it!

And woe betide if you throw on some aftershave right afterwards – stings like fuck!

I don’t know how many ISAC cunters here who haven’t seen a shaving brush or razor in years, although I think MNC stands out. How he copes with a beard I really don’t know, but he has my utter respect for living with a faceful of long straggly hair under his nose day and night.

Apart from that, shaving is a cunt!

Nominated by : Technocunt

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-wales-64488231.amp

Why, why, why has the Welsh RFU banned the song Delilah? Because they are a rabble of sheep snagging, woke ridden, leek munching cunts. that”s why.

The song has been a staple tune on the pissed up singalong and karaoke circuit for decades. And it’s taken decades for some self absorbed, officious, woke twat to ban it because it might ‘offend’ woman.

I urge all Welsh Rugby fans at the Six Nations to protest in the best possible way – break into a rendition of ‘Smack My Bitch Up’ by the Prodigy every time the ball goes out of play..

Rugby officiating cunts.

Nominated by: The Birdman of Cuntytraz.

The world of literature is slowly being taken over by a new woke plague; the sensitivity reader. A moral gatekeeper employed by publishers to read through manuscripts questioning plotlines, characters and language for anything that might offend the usual victim groups, although its dressed up as vague wokey doublespeak of ‘authentic experiences’ and ‘speaking my truth’ Its a sort of way trying to pre-empt the inevitable outrage and cancel-proof the author.

Author Anthony Horowitz was a victim when the word ‘scalpel’ was cut from a passage in a recent book because some bedwetter felt that it had negative connotations to Native Americans and the historic practice of scalping their enemies. As Horowitz explains “Scalpel, of course , comes from the Latin word scapellus (from scalpere, to cut) and has nothing to do with scalping, which derives from the Middle English scalpe (top of the head).

But who cares? At least Creaking Knee and his mates weren’t offended.

So according to this logic Shakespeare wouldn’t have written Othello, Mary Shelly couldn’t have written Frankenstein or Robert Louis Stevenson understanding the lived experience of one-legged disabled pirate Long John Silver in Treasure Island.

In small victory for sanity, Dick Fiddlers recent international bestselling bonkbuster ‘Fifty Shades of Fiddler’….”Downton Abby meets Readers Wives” The Independent …..*****

And exciting newcomer…

Cunter of the Year, Miserable Northern Cunts ‘Dogging Diaries’…”Raw and gritty account of Stockport’s underbelly” New York Times…10/10 have evaded the woke Gestapo’s censorship and are available online and from all reputable bookshops after IsAC Publishing House refused to bow to pressure and issued a firm “FUCK OFF”.

Daily Mail News Link

Nominated by: Liberal Liquidator

Peter Kay is a cunt.

There was an ITV programme called ‘Goodbye Granadaland’ about Granada Television and the closure of The Granada Building on Quay Street in Manchester. As a long time viewer and fan of Granada, I settled down to watch it.

Alarm bells immediately rang when I saw that Peter Kay was presenting it and in charge of it, and how right I was. Instead of a serious programme about Granada and how innovative it was, we got a load of vacuous and superficial shite. The sort of cheesy crap that is synonymous with both Kay and ITV.

The great Tony Wilson (RIP), his long time at Granada and his hugely influential programmes were skirted over in about one minute. The seismic Pistols episode of So It Goes got just a few seconds. While shite like Take That and Lisa Stansfield were on for (it seems like) ages. And Simon and Garfunkel’s legendary appearance at Granada was hardly mentioned. I expected a documentary on all the great shows Granada did. Like 7 Up, World In Action, What the Papers Say, So It Goes, The Dustbinmen, and, of course, Coronation Street. But it was mostly empty headed shite, with that cliched overdone ‘northerness’ that I find both insulting and annoying (Paddy McGuinness, you cunt). Other Granada presenters like Charlie Foster, Jim Pope, Colin Weston, Bob Greaves and Graham James weren’t even mentioned. Other people worked there apart from Michael Parkinson and Richard and fucking Judy.

Coronation Street was covered, but badly. Apart from a couple of soundbites from true Street legend, Julie Goodyear, it was just one of Kevin Webster’s daughters talking shit. And any other decent archive clips were interrupted by Kay’s babbling.

All in all, Granada (which now exists in name only) deserved a better send off than this light entertainment shallow shite that ITV is now (in)famous for.

You Tube Link

Nominated by: Norman