Has anyone cunted French and Saunders?

If not, they should have been up there years ago.

Absolutely fucking shite, every sketch, every one of their wee song and dance routine skits. Fuck me, I’d rather be Rik Mayall now than be forced to watch anything they did, have done or do in the future.

Nominated by : Dan

Now that the temperatures are rising I am orf to ventilate me privates by the sea side. Have instructed me butler to knot a hankerchief for me head, lever me old arse into a deckchair and break out the Pims. Must say one cannot help but remark upon the invasion of the British beach by fat cunts tatooed up to the eyeballs and beyond. In my day a tatoo was the mark of a convict, a brass or a camp sailor. Now the world and his wife has got ‘em on sweaty display at Margit or Brighton.

Acres of flags and chains and flowers and death skulls but very little useful information such as “Rear Entry Only” on the arse or “Do Not Feed Me Fat Crap Burgers” on the gut. Selfish exhibitionist cretins who think a snake on the cock or a sunset on the tits enhances their self esteem. No it don’t me dears. It just advertises that a sick fat ugly unfuckable cunt is taking up this space.

Nominated by: Sir Limply Stoke

Why do birders have cameras with such massive lenses? Is because they have small dicks? Probably…

Just spent two weeks in the Russian Far East with a group containing several twitchers. Picture it: There we are floating in a little rubber boat of the coast of Kamchatka watching brown bears on the shoreline. Cameras are clicking away furiously. Suddenly the bloke at the front of the boat swings his 500mm penis substitute around nearly knocking me out of the boat. Fuck the bears! He’s spotted a seagull and simply has to have as photo to prove it.

A few days later we are floating around in a little rubber boat with a driver who’s a bird expert. We are admiring sea lions. We’re in the wrong boat. The driver decides to hair off downstream to find some birds. Do we see any? Not really. There’s apparently a reed warbler in the bushes in winter plumage – but you can’t quite see it from here!!!

Don’t get me wrong. I like birds. But some of these guys are just cunts!

Nominated by: Dioclese

I would like to nominated “Mummy” as a cunt. She openly flirts with me on Facebook which was very flattering until I found she started life as a man called Marty and still has a dinklage!

I don’t appreciate having my feelings toyed with by some fucking tranny from Florida…

Nominated by: Adam Paul Cortez

No – I don’t want to meet up with you. Not only that but I don’t want to send you pictures of myself naked in compromising positions, give you my phone number or ‘go-private’ in your internet chat room.

However, if you’d like to give me your details, my daddy is a policeman who would very much like to get to know, you sick cunt!

Nominated by: Rolf