Seagulls. I used to see them down the seaside when I was a youngster now the cunts are in the cities and everywhere else. They will eat everything including chicken which I guess makes them cannibal type cunts.

I used to think they were lovely birds that remind you of the seaside and now they are aggressive horrible cunts. They aren’t far off the size of a chicken so they might be nice in a Tikka masala or Kentucky fried seagull.

They are noisy cunts as well, in Butlins at the moment and the cunts are everywhere.

Nominated by: Black & White Cunt

Seagulls – not actually people, but if they were, would be worse than ISIS. Line the roofs in a military formation, dive bombing ordinary decent english folk for their fish and chips. Fuck working for a living and actually going out to hunt fish like they are meant to. These vermin that have probably displaced every other fucking bird that would be singing and doing nice birdy things, are instead perching by mcdonalds with every other job swerving dole monkey in the land, and literally eating from the tax payers hand. Not content with this heinous unjustifiable half life, they have started actually attacking the good folk, as they walk past with their hard earned good food. Fucking cunts of the whole animal kingdom, and somehow protected by
1) a law that makes them unkillable, even if they peck the eyes out of your new born in front of you and
2) the kind of disgusting unedible flesh, that makes ray mears “rather die than eat list”.

Fuck seagulls.
Fuck their young.

I don’t want to hear about suffering their unending aggression on humans because it’s egg season. We should kill them all and burn the eggs.

The only reason I don’t go to jail for this shit, is I know damn well if I killed 100 of the fuckers, another 1,000 would swoop down and eat them.

Oh yeah! They shit on people too.

Utter cunts.

Nominated by: Tony

Friends of mine recently went on safari. It is not so much them going which annoys me, after all, I didn’t even know they had gone, but how they acted when they came back.

If I went to the zoo I would say I had seen some mad bears, some sad elephants and some depressed rhinos or something. If you have been on fucking safari though, you come back saying that you saw elephant, giraffe and lion.

Y’all know The Queen’s is not my mother tongue, but I am fucking sure the plural of lion is lions. Not if you have been on safari it isn’t. It is necessary to let people know you have been on safari by referring to all the animals in the singular even if there were fucking big herds of the cunts.

People say “Lions are big cats” and they are right. That is exactly what they are. You would not catch me flying all the way to Nigeria and paying a fortune to sleep rough and look at large cats. Lion? Fuck off.

I am still not entirely convinced that the plural of sheep isn’t sheeps.

Safaris are for cunts.

Nominated by: Sterculian Rhetoric

Yes, it’s Halloween time again. I’d explain what it’s all about but I can’t be arsed to repeat meself, so if you’re really that interested, then read what I wrote here.

Basically it’s a medieval religious fuckfest that’s been bastardised by the Yanks and converted into a merchandising opportunity and, thanks to the morons who run the EU/Britain into a night when you can light up a kiddywinkle. Why? Well because the cheapjack shite costumes they foist on the little darlings are classed as toys not clothing and don’t have to meet the same fire safety standards FFS!

So, want to celebrate Halloween? Why not fire up a kiddie?

On the other hand just print out this poster, stick it in your window and the cunts to fuck the fuck off!

Nominated by: Dioclese

Why is it when I fancy a banana I can only ever buy them green and unripe in a bunch these days?

All the local greengrocers have been squeezed out of the high street by fucking Tesco, Asda, Sainsbuys and the chavvy Aldi and Lidl.

So I really want a banana, I go to the supermarket and have to buy a bunch of 12 of the green fuckers for £2.

I then get them home and it really is pot luck when they will ripen, will it be a few days? will it be like usual and take 10 days? Who fucking knows, but you can bet your bottom dollar they will all ripen on the same day, so two weeks ago I wanted a banana, now I have to eat 12 of the cunts before they start to rot!

Fucking CUNTS

Nominated by: Boaby

Apparently in 10-20 years 35% of people will be at risk of losing their jobs to ‘Robots’, and you will be 5 times more likely to lose your job if its low skilled.

For a business it makes sense, Robot cunts won’t need a fag break, coffee break or any break and won’t gossip about a load of shit or take days off when they are hungover or being lazy. They also can be called a cunt and ‘probably’ won’t take offence. The thing is I have heard on the telly that they will be able to look after people as well, like in films when they do the washing etc. However I believe in 20 years maximum most people in this country will have robots in the house and they will run on computer algorithms and these will be hackable.

I wonder how many cunts will be ‘accidentally’ killed by their Robot. Maybe that IRobot film has influenced me but I don’t like the way certain things seem to be going. I think there are too many trying to be too clever cunts. The Cunts.

Nominated by: Black and White Cunt