How dare they. They are classics, they’ll always be classics; they may be classically good, they may be classically cheesy or they might even be so classically bad they come out the other side as classically brilliant. Here’s my selection of originals that have been duplicating mincer:

The Day the Earth Stood Still
12 Angry Men
The Flight of the Phoenix
High Noon
The Italian Job
The Day of the Jackal
The Ladykillers

And The Railway Children. How could they take the daughter from the original and have her as the mother in the remake? Does that count as incest? “Daddy. My daddy.” One of the best cinematographic moments ever. Add Brief Encounter to the list. kinell! A very sad old Cunt am I.

I’ll tell you what it is. Some brainless degree in media studies halfwit with access to more dollars than taste decides the original made money, so, with his genius input the remake must make more money. No you funking brain dead cunt the original made money because people liked it. I’m sure you erstwhile Cunters will have exceptions, but this is a Cunting in defence of those that are not here to defend themselves. Fuck me! I’m so sad I can pick up the dialogue no matter where you drop me into the Ladykillers, I love: the characters, post war London scenes, steam engines, the rollicking good script, actors with training and presence, the wacky -could only be British- premise and most of all the gentle violence. One little old lady and five hardened criminals, what could possibly go wrong. The others have had similar sad butchering and it’s just not good enough. Cue Bouncing ball and:

♫ We are the boys and girls all known as,
Minors of the ABC……………..♫

Just wait for The Madness of George Washington . The Cunts are fucking stupid enough.

A grumpy old dinosaur of a Cunt I might be, but at least I’m not a:

Classic film butchering Cunt.

Nominated by: King Cnut

I nominate the fucking Poppy Nazis Cunts (oxymoron intended), who feel so morally outraged at a shite (but still fuckable) actress for not wearing a poppy on tv.

Surely the selfless generation that fought and died for freedom that are remembered and celebrated by the poppy, did so so that their descendants would have the personal freedom of choice to do what the fuck they like, within reason. Have these zealots got fuck all better to do than shout ‘Disrespect’ at the top of their lungs.

On a par with Griefjackers, cunts!

Nominated by: Lord Flashcunt

Sharm El Sheikh is a cunt – not the place as it is a cunt infested shithole anyway. But the cunts that pack into the cheapest deal possible to get to a beach, facebook selfies of them eating 2 cent burgers and kababs, but not then wander why they cant get home as some raghead has taken out 240 souls switching bags at the airport.

And blaming the charter cheap airline, airport employees, the UK and in fact anyone but themselves, that they cannot get home.

Egypt. It started the Arab Spring, its overthrown a government, jailed Media who try to prove what cunts the are, Sharm has had a terrorist bomb PRIOR to ISIS but cunts love it as its cheap and its sunny.

Heres some advice for these people. Its cheap for a reason – and though you say you feel as safe there as you do in the Tube of London, here is the price for not going to a normal part of the world for a safe holiday.

Your kids will hate you from now on as well.

Fuck Egypt, Fuck Sharm El Sheik and any person that goes there.

Nominated by: King Cunt

May I offer cinema adverts as a cause worth cunting?

I went to the pictures this afternoon and due to the misleading timing information provided by the good people at Vue, I had to sit through what seemed to be hours of cunting adverts. As I’m guessing that most people fast forward through adverts at home, I feel very irritated at being forced to sit through these before I could see the film I’d paid to watch.

And every advert was fucking wank. Without exception.

Nominated by: Guardian Hater

( Yes! You really can get a rivetting DVD of old Pearl & Dean cinema ads. It’s on my Christmas list! Ed. )

Yes, it’s the glorious 5th November when we celebrate the greatest non event in British history – the gunpowder plot.

Poor old Guy Fawkes. All the poor bloke did was fail to achieve something that a lot of us regret, namely the failure to blow up parliament. With hindsight, it was an epic fail. But at least he tried which is more than can be said for the current bunch of political opposition. One side’s as bad as the other!

So who would you like to stick on your bonfire tonight? Corbyn? Osborne? Cameron? The list is never ending.

My personal choice? Pudsey fucking bear because that irritating little cunt is another sign that Christmas is coming. The massive retail fest and charity chugging frenzy. Well, they’ll get the same from me as last year – fuck all!

In the meantime, bollocks to bonfire night. I’m off to a diwali party to let off some fireworks…

Nominated by: Dioclese