Poor old Guy Fawkes. All the poor bloke did was fail to achieve something that a lot of us regret, namely the failure to blow up parliament. With hindsight, it was an epic fail. But at least he tried which is more than can be said for the current bunch of political opposition. One side’s as bad as the other!
So who would you like to stick on your bonfire tonight? Corbyn? Osborne? Cameron? The list is never ending.
My personal choice? Pudsey fucking bear because that irritating little cunt is another sign that Christmas is coming. The massive retail fest and charity chugging frenzy. Well, they’ll get the same from me as last year – fuck all!
In the meantime, bollocks to bonfire night. I’m off to a diwali party to let off some fireworks…
Nominated by: Dioclese
Bonfire night is my birthday.
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So every night then? if thats true please burn fat arse dianne abbott make it a pig roast with a apple in her ass and mouth(can’t find another apple use a pineapple.
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Burning Diane Fatbot will result in a conflagration so large that it would take every firefighter and appliance in the Northern hemisphere, approximately 8 months to extinguish. Scientific fact that.
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And mine. 1951, round about same vintage mate?. Hello from Perth anyway.
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I would like to put lard chomping Eamonn Holmes on, but the stench would be unbearable, so it will have to be that other cunt Keith Chegwin, he’ll be so full of booze that he’ll go up in seconds.
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I must admit I was a little worried when my mum chose to have my Dad cremated for similar reasons.
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Oh, and happy birthday Mr Saxon.
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I recall explaining Bonfire night to a Croat. in summary it went like this.
Every year we make a manikin of a Roman Catholic and burn him! yep that went down like a pork pie at a Jewish wedding.
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Mmmmm. Pork pie!
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I have never been sure as to why we celebrate Guy Fawkes night.
Is it because he tried, or because he got caught?
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I think you will find we do it in “moderation” the plotters were hung, (though not to death) cut down, revived, castrated, drawn (that is cut open and their entrails exposed) then decapitated and quartered. any way the first 3 steps are rather unpleasant……..Did someone mention Simon Cowel?
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It’s amazing how crazy the torture and punishment for sin, treason, murder, and noncery were. Nowadays we practically give the cunts a medal for their crime a nice cushy cell, tv, radio, you could even buys drugs from the Correctional Officers if you could afford the price.
Yes it is a cunty holiday when someone tries to overthrow the government we turn it into a bloody holiday with little importance especially nowadays before in thee olde days sure but 400 years later? pfft. It was mainly because King James I survived and guy fawkes was a spy/ jesuit working for the church but today when 50%(or more) of uk is catholic makes no fucking sense. Now it has been bastardized to high hell cunts making money from it. The songs kind of nice tho:
The fifth of November, since I can remember, Was Guy Faux, Poke him in the eye, Shove him up the chimney-pot, and there let him die. A stick and a stake, for King George’s sake, If you don’t give me one, I’ll take two, The better for me, and the worse for you”
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Building the Perfect bonfire:
Ignition source – Jamie Oliver. We’ll all stand around him in a circle eating delicious toffee apples until the cunt explodes.
Tinder – The Apprentice cuntestants. Their polyester suits and abundant hairspray will catch the ignition perfectly.
Kindling – each and every single cunt who has ever banged on and on about Crossfit (usually via twatbook whilst doing fuck all in the power rack)
Bulk fuel – James Corden (his gut alone is probably enough to keep the fire going all night)
Guy – Bono. He’d likely love the ego boost to begin with but we could all start chanting “Well tonight thank god it’s you instead of us” when his feet catch fire.
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Good one. But we have to be able to throw doughnuts at Jamie Oliver before he’s ignited.
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Trouble is: you Cunts don’t think big enough. Allow me to explain…..
Big nuclear arms depot in ‘murika: BOOM. Earth pushed out of orbit, but not much, however, just enough to collide with the moon, phew! think the survivors. Their relief is short lived as the earth is now on an ever warmer death spiral in to the sun. With that degree of Cuntitude a bonfire seams so inadequate.
If not acceptable: Jools Holland before the new year kicks in.
Ta.
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It didn’t work in Space:1999.
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That didn’t end well at all, did it?
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check out “when hitler bought the Death star” on U-Tube……
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Could I have two for the price of one. Sandi Toksvig and Clare Balding. Sandi is only little so she could sit on top of Clare, she would like that.
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Oh God yes. Clare’s current girlfriend is Sandi FUCKING Toksvig’s ex. Think about that for a moment. Did you shudder?
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That’s a brilliant one. Toksvig is a filthy, obnoxious cunt. And Balding is immensely annoying.
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I’d like to nominate that flat headed twat Simon Cowell as a hyper cunt, due to his utter ruination of popular music and promotion of a degenerate chav wannabe culture. Gawd I’m overheating just thinking about it!
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Cowell is the antichrist… He has killed British pop, and I only hope that somebody kills him, the cunt…
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Community speed watch
Now if anyone deserves a cunting it has to be those kind people with nothing better to do than harass the working community.
Lets take the most recent fatalities in my area, these were in fact Grey on Grey actions by the over 70’s in motor vehicles and did not involve speed just a blatant disregard for other road users, yet these are the same people who club together “for the good of the community” and stand by the road taking plates and sending out shity letters.
Cunts! We pay the police to do that shit!. More to the point we pay your pensions so fucking stop it! If you want to do something useful start litter picking expeditions or form euthanasia clubs and any way if you were so “up for it” where are you when it rains? Exactly half hearted busy bodies!
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I agree.
Speed isn’t the issue. It’s imbeciles with no situational awareness who cause accidents.
And old people will NEVER understand the concept of lane discipline on a roundabout. It’s just a straight line to them! I daren’t honk in case I cause them a fucking heart attack!
Dear God please just send forth the grim reaper to collect the souls of these ancient, be-permed coffin dodgers.
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in fact I might go as far as to fit one of these on the car roof!
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/AGM-88_HARM
that should sort the bastards out.
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The cunt in charge of the Bedfordshire police wants to impose a zero tolerance for speeding on the M1. So 1mph over the limit and you get a £100 fine. The reason, to reduce accidents and potential deaths you may think, which is the usual bollocks of an excuse they use for speed cameras. No this cunt has openly said and admitted its a cash generating scheme to raise lost revenue due to government cuts. I don’t know whether to applaud the cunt for at least telling the truth or call him a complete twat stop harassing the motorist and start doing some proper plod work like nicking criminals.
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Thought this was quite amusing:
http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/giant-effigy-of-david-cameron-and-pig-to-be-burnt-for-guy-fawkes-night-a6722241.html
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Better pic here:
https://www.rt.com/uk/320849-cameron-pig-bonfire-night/
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That’s a surprisingly good likeness of Cameron. It’s almost a shame to burn it.
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Too bad its not the real thing, but thats great now they should do blair and abbott.
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from the age of about 7 i started buying christmas presents. i carried on for years, well until was about 18, i was out with my list looking for presents when suddenly i had a thought. what the fuck am i doing?. i don’t really want to do this, i don’t really believe in Jesus anymore, i am in fact only doing it because it’s the ‘expected’ thing to do. i dumped my list and went home, havent bought anyone a present since. if they want to buy me one thats up to them. i fuckin hate christmas me.
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Right on, Brother…
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But i’ve always liked bonfire night
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Me too. First you had mischief night when the fuckers didn’t get the option of “trick or treat”, an annual sanction for low grade vandalism. What ever happened to that? Then the main event, fireworks night. Forget Guy Faulks and gunpowder plot bollocks it was all about the bangers for me. Black cat air bomb repeaters were the weapon of choice, if its possible they were almost too loud.
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Bonfire Night has become commercial and almost corporate…. When I was a kid me and my mates would get a shopping trolley or an old pram and collect wood and other crap for our own bonfire… We would travel for miles and pick up all sorts… Now it’s take your brat to the local park or cricket club for your official bonfire and fireworks display… Of course it’s a total rip-off at over five quid a ticket and there are lots of things on sale to make the brats mither more and burn holes in their parents pockets… Just like Halloween, it used to be fun… And just like Halloween, Bonfire Night is now a big money making load of bollocks…
Potential Guys? Jeremy Corbyn, Iain Duncan Smith, Chris Spivey, Simon Cowell, Jack Carroll, Kanye West… The agony of choice…
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Oh, Spivey for sure!
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I’m guessing it’s too late in the day to see Spivey photoshopped on top of a bonfire…?
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Spivey on a real bonfire would be better, Fred…
Saw some cunt the other day, letting off fireworks in his front garden in broad fucking daylight… They couldn’t even be seen… His two kids stood next to him and he said to me, ‘They won’t wait till it’s dark…’ Talk about the tail wagging the dog, talk about a complete waste of time and money, and talk about a complete cunt…
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All the fucking filth in parliament need burning (after being tortured).
Chuka Umunna (MP) is a greasy black snake cunt from Nigeria. You do not see any white faces in the Nigerian parliament yet Westminster is rancid with criminal loony blacks. Naturally these blacks are in it to thieve as much as possible. They are all loony criminals.
And the stench coming from the likes of Chuka Umunna, Diane Abbott, and Mark Hendrick is disgusting.
The black enamel cunt Chuka Umunna talks like some sort of music-hall toff (the racist bastard) but I bet he would be the first to play the ‘race’ card if a white MP started talking like a black.
Chuka Umunna is a black cunt who is always at the top of the expenses claims.
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There ain’t a bonfire big enough for all the cunts I could list………..
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Automatic tipping is a cunt. Got a taxi the other day, fucking non English speaking paki as per fucking usual, car falling to bits and smelled like 3 week old kipper vindaloo, not only did the cunt not know my hotel ( big hotel ) he couldn’t even use the GPS he had or the radio to call dispatch for assistance. He took the millionaire option and phoned a friend and eventually we got there. Did he expect a tip? Yes he most certainly did and was very specific about it too, suddenly the cunt decided he did speak English after all; “You give 15%, I no go wrong way ” So the cunt expected a tip because he didn’t try to fuck me? Fuck off you cunt!
I have no objection to giving a good tip if I receive good service, but it has to be fucking good. Simply doing an OK job isn’t good enough. If you want a good tip, here it is; learn to fucking type you lazy cunt!
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Yay, let’s all spend £500 on a box of fireworks to celebrate a failed revolution,
Maybe we should torch parliament every bonfire night and burn the current prime minister as the guy
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Wasn’t Fawkes a religious extremist anyway, sort of a Catholic Jihadi?
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I think bonfire nite is now obsolete bollocks ,my area is now like fucking candaha,these skint benefit scrounging bunch of cunts lite a firework for any occasion,its my dogs birthday I know I’m gonna subject my neighbours to a fucking hour of fireworks on a fucking Monday nite at 11.00!!!! what is wrong with these wankers,if that’s what you want move to fucking Syria I hear thers some empty houses there.
bring back a proper bonfife nite were kids can shoot each other with rockets and then spend 15 hours in A&E and ban fireworks fror the rest of the year……
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The cunts are still at it after midnight.
Fat slags with tattoos doing the violent mirthless laughing of the underclass as their chav sperm donors throw explosives at dogs and cripples.
It’s about time the ovaries were burned out of slags with lasersto stop them breeding ferret-faced cunts with the IQ of a used jam rag. The NHS is a fucking disgrace.
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There are still bombs going off in the ‘social housing’ concentration camps round my way.
Where do these fuckers get the money?
The dirty bastards are never without a fag hanging out of their mouth, with their dead eyes scanning the vicinity for stuff to thieve.
Dirty vermin cunts.
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There’s a dangly eared cunt with his fat knock-kneed old trout letting off fireworks right over the back from my house. My neighbour told me that the daft cunts have been doing it all fucking day.
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