Snowflake cars are cunts.

We should have seen the warning to history back in the 80’s when Citroen 2CV’s appeared dressed as lady birds.

In the entire history of the automobile the ‘deux chevaux’ set the scene. A genuinely awfull mode of transport beyond basic.

Who drove this shit? In my experience it was long frock wearing right on Media Studies and Art Teachers destined to become modern parents.

No doubt Le Froggy, knowing the cars they produced were an utter pile of shite marketed them as having a personality that reflected yours, this car is really shit, I mean really really shit and you’re such a cunt you’d love to associate your self with it as it marks you out as being ‘like ya know, right on man’

So fast forward to 2018 and the modern day equivalent.

The latest trend? Let’s give the fucker a name, let’s call the cunt Adam, some cunt in Vauxhall’s marketing department got a bonus for that.

Not to be outdone, Renault respond with the Zoe, a shit name if ever there was but they’ve got previous as they brought us the Megane. Or Megan in English.

Then there’s the Cactus, ok it’s not a name as such, but who drives a car named after a hardy desert plant with a random rubber pattern adorning the flanks?

Fortunately though for the Snowflake, times moved on, todays cars are an appendage, air con is standard, as is a luxury interior but what counts most is giving the cunt a human name.

I had a mate who got a boxer dog and called it Norman, it was quirky at the time, now every cunt is giving their pets a stupid human name as it makes them stand out when they have to shout ‘Norman, come here now, bad Norman, stop trying to bum Ted’

And to cap it all you’ll never own Zoe or Adam as the Snowflake only understands the ‘never never’ instilled in them by the bank of Mum and Dad.

Nominated by CuntyMcCuntface.

I would like to nominate people who keep ‘Exotic’ pets.

It appears that some guy name of Dan Brandon was asphyxiated by one of his 10, yes 10 snakes he kept in his bedroom along with 12 Tarantulas. On the night in question his Mam said she heard a thud in his bedroom but just assumed he had knocked something over. By the time they found him it was too late. What’s more at the inquest the coroner concluded that the death was caused as a result of contact with the snake but that he had no reason to suspect it was because of aggression or confrontation but if anything a show of affection! Affection. Affecttion!! This is a fucking snake not a fucking kitty kat.

It appears to me that there are three cunts in this sorry tale. No1 and biggest cunt is obviously Dan who chose to keep these fucking deadly creatures in his bedroom so I don’t think he’s got much to complain about when one decides to do what it’s fucking here on Earth to do.

No2 are his Ma and Da for even contemplating the notion of letting the thick cunt bring them in to the house in the first place. What in fucks name were they thinking. Imagine living there. You’d be scared fucking shitless to open a cupboard door or even take a dump lest some slithering reptile jumps out or decides to latch on to your fucking nutsack. Fuck me!

No3 has got to be the fucking coroner. To suggest that a snake somehow is capable of showing affection makes the mind boggle. I don’t ever recall old Davey Attenborough in the jungle with a twenty foot python making it roll over while he tickled its fucking tummy or seeing a King Cobra striking out only to stop short and say ‘just kidding’. No I’m sorry. Sad as this whole affair is there is no other conclusion to be drawn except that people who keep such beasts are indeed Cunts.

Nominated by Kendo Nag

Where can you even start with these little arseholes.

By ‘millennials’ I mean anyone that was educated after Blair got in, in 97.

The ‘men’ – and I use the term very loosely – all have stubble or shitty beards that make them look like a fucking Victorian engine driver. All covered in tattoos. Skinny jeans, shit shoes and ironic T shirts of bands the spastics have never even heard of.

‘What does your tattoo mean?’
‘I just want to be an individual like all my mates’

They cannot string a sentence together without punctuating every other word with the words ‘like’, or ‘basically’.

And that is just the men. No wonder they’re such zeta male pussies when you scrutinise millennial women a bit more closely.

They are invariably 3rd wave feminists. I.e, cunts. Many of them have blue hair. They can often be seen screeching on social media and being ‘woke’ but become uncharacteristically quiet when you point out inconvenient truths like FGM or how appallingly their beloved ‘refugees’ treat their fellow sisters.

They are also *always* current or former students.This rot set in when Blair came in in 97. He encouraged these halfwits to go to ‘uni’. Back in the day, only the very smartest kids went to university to do worthwhile subjects like maths and physics. Now, something like 50% of school leavers do, to study bolleaux like sports science and gender studies. We should be charging these lazy cunts a quarter of a million pounds a year to fuck about with such nonsense after they leave school.

Then, we have our friends the transgenders. A word that didn’t even exist five years ago. But god help you if you offend them. I still have no idea what a transgender actually is and I care not a jot. If you’ve had your knob chopped off, you’re not a woman. You’re an moron that thought he was a bit more interesting than your common garden bender, and will soon realise you were just a common garden bender all along. Whilst you await this road to Damascus revelation, I couldn’t give a flying fuck what you ‘identify’ as Millennials.

Nominated by Mecha-Rigsby.

Cape Town is a Cunt!

That’s right. I said the city of Cape Town is a cunt. How can a city be a cunt you ask? Fair question. And here’s the answer. Cape Town, South Africa is in the midst of a severe water crisis. So severe in fact, that it has been announced that on May 11 of this year the city will no longer be able to provide water to anyone for any reason.

I have been following this clusterfuck for a while and have concluded that there is not a single individual I could single out as 1st Cunt, so I have simply decided to cunt ’em all and let God sort ’em out.

First a bit of background for those of you who are like WTF is this Yankee Cunt on about now?

For three years Cape Town has been in a state of drought caused by a recurring El Nino effect. (Look it up if you must.). The City is supplied by a series of reservoirs and due to a literal complete lack rain, the water levels have fallen below the minimum levels required to supply the city.

This utter fucking disaster has been three years in the making and has not been addressed. On May 11 the city is turning off the spout and setting up “water distribution” points, where under the protection of the South African Police Service, water rations will be distributed to the populace.

What could go wrong with this plan? ?

Who is responsible? ?

On with the cunting!

1. Patricia de Lille is Mayor of Cape Town and one who deserves cunting. As Mayor she is the chief executive officer of the city and has been in office since before the crisis began. She has not dealt with the problem and by one press account has been removed from all dealing in this mess. She is of course a liberal and a founding member of the Democratic Alliance party. She is a crusading Social Justice Warrior and a crony of Kofi Annan who has been accused of election misconduct. She has won a shit load of awards and is one of the most respected cunts in Africa. But she didn’t address the problem of her city running out of water. Miserable fucking cunt!

2. The CapeTown city “Bureaucracy.”. This collective bunch of nameless cunts have spent 3 years tickling each others twats rather than dealing with the problem. A water desalination plant was proposed and a company whith experience building them (in Australia I believe) tried to negotiate with them and eventually backed out. A study done by some cunts (typical way government deals with a crisis) found that due to…and I quote…” a high level of bureaucracy, lack of urgency and an inadequate proposed supply”…that they were unable to…”deal effectively and timeously (sic)”…with the problem. Worthless Fucking cunts!

3. The citizens of Cape Town. According to some press reports the good citizens simply didn’t take the matter seriously and didn’t reduce or conserve water as recommended, thereby exacerbating the problem. It’s too late now. Dumb fucking cunts!

4. The Climate Change Mafia. These fucking cunts are chalking this mess up to man made climate change and exploiting it for their own nefarious goals. It goes without saying that they too offered no practical solutions. The reality is that El Nino and it’s counter part La Nina are documented weather patterns that account for precipitation, or the lack thereof, in climes the world over. The last time El Nino effected Cape Town in a severe manner was 1933. (For those of you who don’t know your history google “The Dust Bowl” and learn what my ancestors dealt with in the same years when El Nino also affected the land of consumption and the home of excess.) But the reality of historical weather patterns disturbs the Climate Change Dogma so they just dismiss it and continue to spew their propaganda. Stupid fucking cunts.

5. The Western Cape Provincial Cabinet. Other than being an arm of South African government I don’t really know who these cunts are. Whoever they are, they didn’t do a fucking thing! Now their response is to say it’s our responsibility to provide water.
To that end they are setting up armed distribution points around the city. So another group of governmental cunts abdicated responsibility and now at gunpoint they will decide how much water a person can have. Despicable fucking cunts!

A few quick facts. A human being can survive for about 3 weeks without water. A healthy adult man should have 3.7 liters per day and a healthy adult woman should have 2.7 liters a day. I don’t have numbers for infants, children, the sick or the elderly.

What happens when an entire city runs out of water? Who drinks? Who thirsts? Who survives? Who suffers? Who lives? Who dies? Well boys and girls we’re about to find out.

So with this 21st century, brave new world crisis looming over the horizon, I proudly cunt Cape Town et al!

Nominated by General Cuntster.