Buying a new car is a total cunt.

I’m in the market for a smaller, more economical car. I no longer need the 2lt diesel which I pulled a large caravan with as we’ve sold the wobble box. The first job is to work out what I need, and what I need barely exists.

As I’m ‘well nourished’ I like a bit of space and something a bit taller than a super mini. As myself and Mrs Cuntatious are getting older and less supple something easy to get in and out of is appropriate. You’d be surprised just how wank new cars are, lots are very low and have pathetic seats which tend to be hard and unyielding.

I’ve eventually narrowed it down to a few models which I’ve been investigating recently. Herein lies the biggest obstacle to obtaining the vehicle of my dreams, the fucking car dealers. Is every car salesman a cunt? I ask because they either totally ignore you or stick like a fucking leech. All I want to do is get a bit of info, sit in one and have a general shufty before I decide what to test drive. No doubt the test drive will be accompanied by one of these cunts, 5 minutes around the block and Jimminy fucking Cricket on the shoulder.

Like most folk I’ve looked on Autotrader, this is now rammed with cars being sold by big online dealers, you order and they deliver, no chance of looking over it, no chance of a test drive who the fuck buys a car like this? Cunts like Cazoo and Cinch (don’t get me started on the massive cunt Rylan) are all over Autotrader and it’s depressing. I’m almost at the point that I’ll keep my old one, it’s serviced on the nail by the manufacturer and runs like a dream.

Fucking car industry, it should be a nice experience and it’s not. The makers lie about the fuel consumption, it’s never what they claim, they lie about the cost, they charge for every fucking extra, even some mats, they charge for a different colour, the bastard has to be painted so why is it hundreds of pounds more if you fancy a red one instead of black?

Just fuck off, I’m getting a horse.

Nominated by: Bertram Cuntatious DCO

Nothing boils my piss much more than the “woe is me” bullshit of cunts abroad, who believe laws of other countries are merely for the “local population” and think the “you can’t do that, I’m British” line will cut the mustard.

From the man sentenced to lashes for making alcohol in some Middle Eastern shithole, then cunts who try to get out of being hanged for drug smuggling in Singapore. I say thank fuck there are still countries that enforce punishments for crimes. Maybe Abdul, Rastus and Pavlov, would think twice about “refuging” in Blighty if we had proper punishments to fit the crime.

As someone who spent 37 years in Rhodesia, I know that following laws and customs is the done thing if you don’t want to end up doing the “Spandau Ballet” or having a back that looks like you’ve been lying on a George Forman grill. Fuck these expat law breakers. Throw the fucking book at them, so the cunts think twice before doing it again (after a thorough sjamboking of course!!!)

Nominated by: Captain Quimson

Slug and snails, and…

Imagine my surprise when I read this.

https://www.countryliving.com/uk/homes-interiors/gardens/a39606324/slug-pellets-banned-uk/

Nothing in the press or on TV, just ” banned”. I thought it was an April Fool, but no, it’s really real.

Now, I’m not much of a gardener, benign neglect seems to work. I don’t bother them and they don’t bother me.

My front gardens lovely ( stop sniggering) but all I do is remove the cat shit and lop the twiggy bits off every so often. The back is mainly grass and a few pots which Sis sorts on her weekly visits, but the side return has a couple of plants, put there by my late partner, and a slug magnet.

If I can’t put the blue pellets down, what do I do? Advice on line is put a piece of cardboard down, slugs and snails go under it for shade, then lift it and dispose. How? And, who wants shitty bits of cardboard all over?

Maybe I should buy a flamethrower.

Nominated by: Jeezum Priest

”Banned transgender cyclist Emily Bridges claims she has been ‘demonised’

At last I hear you say. A fight back against the degenerates who are out to destroy women’s sport. The preverts of Stonewall are up in arms. What’s not to like?

MSN Link.

But wait: –

”Those plans have been thwarted by the Union Cycliste Internationale (UCI), which informed British Cycling that the Welsh athlete was not eligible to compete in the women’s category under its current guidelines due to the 21-year-old still being registered as a male with the world governing body for cycling.”

So this demonisation of a fucking degenerate is just a matter of paperwork. He says he is a woman (As you will see from the picture. Very convincing)) He has a year’s hormone treatment and hey presto, although he couldnt get anywhere as a male competitor, he will suddenly become a contender. Because he ‘says he is a woman’.

Until this lunacy is fucked off you can forget women’s sport as anything other than a freak show.

Nominated by: Cuntstable Cuntbubble

Seconded by: CuntyMort

Daily Fail Link.

Another rise in the blood pressure I’m afraid. This time for UK sport. These wankers are allowing freak Emily to compete against females. It’s about time these fuckers were brought to heel sharpish. Whats wrong with the trans cunts having their own events? That’s another nail in women’s sports. CUNTS

Once again we have the race card. This time it’s:-

‘‘Racist’ overhaul of Human Rights Act to strip protections from people targeted by stop and search”

Now, read this and see if you can follow the logic:-

”Most of the names kept on the Gangs Violence Matrix, a Metropolitan Police database, are those of young black men.
Now Liberty is demanding a rethink as ministers prepare to plough ahead with watering down the landmark 1998 Act through a Bill in next month’s Queen’s Speech.
“Migrants, prisoners and people with historic ‘poor conduct’ won’t get the same rights as those with citizenship, or without a criminal record, which will have racist impacts”, Martha Spurrier, the organisation’s director, told The Independent.”

The logic is that these fuckers are inherently criminal and have criminal records so the proposed law will automatically be racist.

Is this as pisstake? Is Titania McGrath working for Liberty? Or does no fucker in that organisation have any self awareness?
Answers on a Jeremy Corbyn t-shirt.

MSN Link.

Nominated by: Cuntstable Cuntbubble