Could I have a “where’s the fuck my parcel” cunting for Hermes please?
So why am I cunting this shower of dogs vomit excuse of a parcel company?

Is it because when I recently sent my very very rare motorcycle tank off to be panted I watched with dismay as the collection driver followed me out of the drop off point only to hurl the aptly labeled FRAGILE package into the back of his wank pit of a van?
No, although when I confronted him he very nearly followed my parcel head first.

Or possibly when they wrote to tell me a package was out of tariff, by this they meant that during one of there recent audits their EU calibrated scales found my item to be overweight. Apparently my 1500g package weighed 3.5 kilos?
No, although they did drop the case when I politely told them to fuck right off and that my non EU calibrated scales were not 130% inaccurate. They’ve actually tried this trick 3 times over the last 12 months.

Surely it must be when I posted my latest package and their website has shown it in transit for the past month, trying to get help is impossible, you firstly get some automated assistant, “Holly” apparently, after spending 5 mins putting your details in she tells you exactly the same as your tracking details, but then you can move on through the help service, you’re now able to speak the tracking number to a machine, again getting absolutely nowhere other than waiting to at last to speak to an actual person. This turns out to be a cruel ploy to get your hopes up as no fucker ever actually answers. It turns out you cannot contact any one or do fuck all about your missing fucking parcel.

But even all that didn’t boil my piss as much as when trawling through the website I spied on the help page (https://www.myhermes.co.uk/help-and-support/contact-us)
A quaint little picture of the United Kingdom in all its glory, this little sketch shows 6 people standing on the the outline of the U.K. Stood on Ireland there’s a conventional
White male, stood on England are 4 ethnic races, non of them white, but in order to readdress the balance there’s white guy on Scotland, only hang on, the cunts have got him down on one fucking knee! You absolute shower of incompetent disrespectful wankers.

If you ever need a laugh,read the Hermes review page, some comments on there worthy of ISAC.

Nominated by: Doo Man Ted

Home Alone ‘fans’ who want Trump removed. I’ve fucking heard everything now.

Apparently, Big Don made a small cameo in cheesy ‘family picture’ Home Alone 2 many years ago. You know, those daft films starring ex-Wacko favourite, Macualay Cuntkin.

And although this piece of disposable cinematic twaddle has nothing to do with events of today and certainly nothing to do with the recent Capitol Hill ‘attack on democracy’ (their words, not mine), there are ‘offended’ (what, again?) and ‘outraged’ ‘fans’ who are demanding – not requesting, demanding – the removal of Trump’s small appearance in an until now long forgotten film.

There are actual adults, grown men on Twatter squealing things like ‘I won’t rest until Trump is removed from Home Alone 2!’ and another tantruming ‘Remove Trump from Home Alone 2 next!’

The Blue Mink Bat Flu is far from vanquished, BLM fascists are running amok, the President of the United States has been censored on his own country, yet these pieces of kek wetting blanket sucking safe space liberal turd see the removal of a few seconds of ancient film footage as a number one priority?! It’s that important?! Fuck me ragged, as the great Roger Mellie would say. I know the left are lunatics and ‘my way or nothing’ spoilt bastards, but I’ve never seen anything as absurd as this one. This latest ‘demand’ tops the fucking lot.

Also, it begs the question… What the fuck are grown men doing as ‘fans’ of a kids film like Home Alone anyway, eh?

Nominated by: Norman

..and seconded by:

Nominated by: Captain Magnanimous

Macaulay Culkin is a cunt, isn’t he.

Macaulay Culkin, special friend of Michael Jackson, has added his name to a list calling for the removal of a Donald Trump cameo in a film from the last century.

Culkin, special friend of Michael Jackson, shot to fame as a child star when he starred in a few films with the same story line. In one, Culkin asks the future president directions. The clip only lasts two seconds but some people still suffering from Trump Derangement Syndrome have demanded he be cut from whichever Home Alone shit it was.

Perhaps they could digitally remove Trump from his many film and TV cameos as well as Zoolander, The Nanny, and the turgid Fresh Prince of Will Smith cunt.

Culkin, special friend of Michael Jackson, was a junkie for many years after his brief fame playing a psychopath who hysterically laughed as he committed wanton violence. Either he’s back on the ‘H’ or he’s been reading How To Remove People From History by Joe Stalin.

https://news.sky.com/story/macaulay-culkin-backs-calls-for-donald-trump-to-be-cut-from-home-alone-2-lost-in-new-york-12187572

The First (insert gender/race/disability here) to (insert achievement here)

Short one.

I am fed up of reading articles or seeing programmes about the first woman/BAME/disabled to do something a white male achieved years before.

Fuck off. It’s been done. Move on.

Nominated by: Cuntstable Dribble

I’m cunting New Zealand.
Rubbish damp houses and shoddy electrical goods, no heating and always damp and cold. Fucking criminal bike gangs that seem to be above the law and every town is ugly. Heavy metal played everywhere including swimming pools ffs.
And its all OK because there’s a couple of shitty mountains that were in some kids film.
Worst of all is the kiwis always tell you how welcoming and nice they are but it ain’t true, they’d stab you in the back and fuck you over first chance they get in my experience.
Oh and rugby is shit and they never talk about anything else…. Etc…. Etc…

(Possible retort from kiwicunt? – NA)

Nominated by: Sharkunt

Spitting footballers / golfers / cricketers – I’m sick of seeing these dirty bastards continually gobbing on the grass. We’re in the middle of a pandemic yet they allow these thick cunts to spread disease and nothings ever done about it. You actually get coppers at these events with no crowds but fuck all is ever done. Too busy fining an old dear for taking a breather on a park bench? I wouldn’t fine them, moneys no object to them, I’d take points, lower their scores. I never gobbed on the grass when I played sport, why the fuck do they have to do it? Especially the modern day footballers, absolute thick as shit scrubbers. What makes me laugh is when one of the players accuses an opponent of spitting at him whilst there’s 4 pints of gob on the pitch already. Stupid fucking cunts.

(Check out this news story about footballers, spitting and swine ‘flu from 2009. You read that correctly – 2009! – NA)

Nominated by: Bob Frapples