A special one forward gear and nine reverse cunting for thrice former Eyetie Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi.

After 85 years of humping anything with a minge and pulse you might think the old goat would settle for sucking a Werther’s Original (or Italian equivalent) instead of the usual Milanese slapper. But no, the ancient old cunt’s still at it, now ‘marrying’ (not really, just pretending) his 32 year-old bit of skirt.

Now I’d be the first to admit that she looks like she’s had more up the front bottom (and possibly the back) than Silvio’s had antipasti, but the point of this nomination is to express my utter admiration for the lucky old bastard. And I’m sure the fact he’s worth 5 billion has nothing to do with the bint saying ‘Si’.

So go for it, Silvio, keep your arse hair on your head. You’re an inspiration to all us old cunts for whom a lottery win is more likely than a leg over from a 32 year-old.

Grazie bunga bunga!

Daily Mail Link

Nominated by: Geordie Twatt

I must confess, my guilty pleasure is music. I’m an avid collector. Even better than listening to my established favourites is discovering new bands whose music I absolutely love. I recently discovered a couple of bands whose music I find quite exceptional. Black Swan Lane (album – Hide In View) and Desperate Journalist (album – Maximum Sorrow!). I also love the thrill of the chase, so to speak. Allow me to explain.

Back in the day, I’d spend hours in every record shop in town. Going through the racks looking for new interesting releases, bargains and ways to fill gaps in my collection. I miss those days. Our Price Records, HMV, Virgin Megastore, Tower Records plus WH Smiths, Boots, Woolworths and any number of local independent record shops. Happy days, but the internet age does have some compensations when it comes to making connections. For example, I love the late ’70s/early 80’s art pop/synth band Japan. Remember them? Well, their keyboard player was Richard Barbieri. I was wondering what he’d been up to since Japan broke up in ’82. Seems he played keys for a prog rock band called Porcupine Tree. I’d never heard of them, so I picked up their best of, Stars Die: The Delerium Years 1991–1997. It wasn’t bad, but the singer interested me. Steven Wilson. Porcupine Tree disbanded in 2010 (they reformed in 2021), so I wondered what else Steven Wilson had done since then. Quite a lot as it turned out. He’s made a number of solo albums, so I bought the cheapest one I could find. To The Bone. OMG!!! It is stunning. One particular track stands out because it is just so beautiful and moving. Pariah. Here’s a link:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cNTaFArEObU

The female vocalist is amazing. Ninet Tayeb. Her solo material is a cunt to get hold of, but I’m working on it. 🙂 My point is, a bit of random day dreaming led me to make a connection, which lead to something else which lead me to an album which I now adore. What if I hadn’t been day dreaming that day? What other bands and albums will I never hear because I didn’t make a connection? Or didn’t know the guitarist in one band collaborated with the bassist from another band who put out an album together in the ’90s that I will never know even existed? You get the general idea. Aggghhhhh!

I hate that and it really bothers me. I just know that when my time comes, I will long to hear the albums I love and deeply regret all the wonderful albums I never heard and never will. And that’s a cunt.

Nominated by: Imitation Yank

This week, Prince Baldy and Princess Milf (Pilf?) have arrived in the Caribbean on a tour to celebrate Lizzie’s 70 years on the throne.

The locals have used this tour to start demanding reparations to the tune of 7.4 billion pounds (that would be just for starters, no doubt).

The demand is for to he fact we bought and sold loads of bananas and sugar that we purchased from black slave traders in the region centuries ago. Shouldn’t the families of the slave owners be the ones they moan at? Any chance that the few remaining Taino people (the original inhabitants of the Caribbean islands) are compensated by the Africans who were brought over or moved there? Slavery ended long ago. Aren’t they ‘colonising’ the land of others? Shouldn’t they now ‘go back home’ to Africa?

I’m sure Africa is a much more pleasant place to live than places like Antigua or Barbados.

And maybe I would agree to this payment, after they pay us first for the crime wave we’ve had to suffer from their lot since they came over. Or for the suffering in listening to the likes of Raheem fucking Sterling.

And they can wait until we get some money from Italy (Romans) and the French for past occupations, land grabs and slavery.

And once every fucking country in the world has signed up to a ‘Reparations Act’ and paid for all any any past wars/occupations, then maybe it will make sense (but probably not).

But it only matters of course, when whitey does it! Silly me, I almost forgot!

A local judge tore up his wig in protest at having to follow laws set up by the British this week. Maybe he’d prefer African style laws and necklacing cunts who ‘diss’ him or someone from his tribe? Go back to African justice then, you daft cunt.

William has now said, ‘A conversation needs to be had.’

Well, your family benefited more than anyone else, so lip it unless you’re prepared to give it all away to these grasping, shameless cunts. We’ll stick you and your family in a Peckham council flat and try and sort jobs for you at the local KFC or Aldi, don’t worry.

But maybe there is a solution. The conversation should go thus;

Gibsmedat: Me want money from whitey.

UK: You can have the money if you take all your lot back.

By jove, I think I’ve got it!

Reuters News Link

Nominated by: Cuntybollocks

Find me sartorial instincts offended by what da yoot, and alas da not so yoot, are wearing. Not so much suited and booted as squeezed and castrated, todays Woke Warriors have taken to wearing what is apparently known as ‘the super skinny suit’. Yank in origin, say no more, these bollox squishing two sizes too small garments started making an appearance on actors on American chat shows then corporate sponsorship compelled old ugly fucker James Bond aka Daniel Craig to wriggle into one and, God knows how, do a lot of running about on rooftops.

The epitome of fashion? My arse. Go back a bit and ‘50s film star and man of the people and doyen of Albanian Dictator Enva Hoxa, little cunt Norman Wisdom was capering around in the old two sizes too tight.

“Mr Grimsdale! Oi’ Mr Grimsdale my cock is stuck in my trousers an’ it don’t ‘arf hurt”

Cue syrupy Norman song later released on 78 where due to a lot of payola it stayed at no 1 for six weeks and was subsequently found in an old dead cunt’s cupboard during a house clearance. The Don Black lyric also gives an explanation for the famous Norman comedy walk.

Don’t cry for me because I’m a fool
I have tears in my eyes
Because I slipped and split me tool

So my dears for once the Norman Wisdom look is bang on trend and punted out this very moment by overpriced online outfitters to da yoot Asos or do I mean Arse’oles? It goes with the tufty quiff barnet and shoes worn without socks with pointy toes that curve up. I definitely mean Arse’oles.

Go here to Tossers Fashion:

Asos Link

And here for Stormin’ Norman:

Norman Link

Nominated with photos by: Sir Limply Stoke