Back in the days before the internet, and social media in particular, you would be hard pushed to name more than 10 headlining protest groups other than the unions. You had the likes of Greenpeace, Wimminz Lib, Stonewall, Anti-Nazi League, MAD, Countryside Alliance and perhaps one or two others; but that was essentially it.

And even then (and we’re talking 1970s-1980s), you would only really hear of these groups via the news media and perhaps word-of-mouth. But at least back then you more or less knew what each group were banging on about, and you could either support the cause or tell them to go do one!

Come the arrival of the internet, and more alarmingly social media, every cunt and his dog is his own protest group, moaning and complaining about something or other. You have the likes of the pro and anti Brexit groups, the LGBTetc groups, the Vegan groups, the Climate Change groups, and shitloads of others I really can’t be bothered to look up and comment on.

My point is because there are so many, all of them desperate to get their message out there – usually via the likes of YouTube and Facebook – that from a normal person’s point of view you don’t dare do anything or say anything or face being jumped on by one, or more, of these overzealous groups determined that whatever their objectives are they’re always right and everyone else is wrong!

Moreover, these groups are starting to become fractured with their only little splinter groups having their own agendas that sometimes come into conflict with their parent groups. And in addition, there must be many people out there who have conflicting loyalties with the various groups they associate with – for example, you may have a Remainer, but wants independence for Scotland; who hates gays, but is a Vegan, but drives a 4×4, detests kids, but supports anti-abortion; but is also a socialist, but wants to the comfortable lifestyle etc.

What would that person do if there were 5 major demos taking place on the same day in the same town, all of which came into conflict with their own opinions?

I think there should be a protest about all these protests!

Nominated by Technocunt

A big cunting for ‘Globohomo’, or globalised homogeneity, please.

The narcissistic belief co-opted by big tech, multinationals, corporate media and supranational organisations like the EU that the disparate cultures of the world can come together and live in harmony of a liberal democratic, post-industrial consumer society celebrating liberal, cultural relativist causes such as open borders and LGBT rights, but pursuing aggressive imperialist wars and wage slavery abroad and authoritarian security and policing at home to suppress dissent from the fairytale.

Globohomo philosophy is exemplified during events such as Glastonbury and opening ceremonies of sports events, and espoused by outlets such as The BBC, New York Times, Independent and The Times. Figureheads include the Clintons, Tony Blair and Barack Obama. The mainly young adherents show no awareness of history, geopolitics, local/traditional cultures or any non-western POV. The narrative was popular consensus in the 90s, with philosopher Francis Fukuyama calling it ‘the end of history’, but has since been exposed as wishful thinking by 9/11, failures in Iraq, the financial crisis, Brexit and the election of Trump.

Nominated by Cuntamus Prime

Things To Do are a cunt. There’s always loads of them and they never go away. Have you heard this refrain or something like it before?

Her; ‘You’re supposed to be cutting the hedge today. You said you would’.
Me; ‘Yes dear, but it’s bloody hot out there just now in that sunshine’.
Her; ‘Well it’s gone cloudy now so you could get started…’.

Women, I find, tend to love Things To Do, by which they mean Things For YOU To Do. I think it’s something in their DNA. They just can’t bear the fact that you’re sitting with your feet up having a beer, even when they’re sitting with their feet up after a half hour’s back-breaking labour watering the fucking house plants.
The wife keeps a list of Things To Do, and rides shotgun on it. No sooner do I finish the job at the top of the list than another gets added to the bottom.

Her; ‘When are you going to fix this wardrobe door? It’s about to come off’.
Me; ‘You could do it, dear. Just needs a screwdriver’.
Her; ‘Anything involving a screwdriver’s your job. Anyway, you need to stay active.’.
Me; ‘Fair enough dear. Er, speaking of keeping active, how about a quick…’.
Her; ‘Mmm…well… I’ll think about it. No, NOT now. Later. When you’ve washed up as well mind’.

Oh, but she’s bloody good with the old carrot and stick, is the missus. She takes a devilish pleasure making me wait until I’m slavering like a Pavlovian dog, the saucy little minx.

Her; ‘Are you and that computer joined at the hip? You’re not on “x-hamster” again are you, or that “Is A Cunt” thing?’.
Me; ‘Just checking “Newsnow Aston” for a transfer news update, my sweet’.
Her; ‘Humph, bloody Villa. I sometimes think you think more of them than me’.
Me; ‘How could you possibly think that, heart’s delight, after we’ve been together for so many seasons?’.
Her; ‘Very funny. Just don’t be getting any ideas about me wearing your Villa shirt again tonight unless that rubbish in the garage has been shifted’.
Me; (already hyperventilating); ‘Really, will you, honest?’.
Her; ‘I might… or I might not… We’ll see. Depends on whether that stuff gets moved’.
Me; ‘I’ll start immediately, my angel; no sooner. And *a-hem* you’ll put on the *cough* stockings and susp…’.
Her; ‘Play later means work now, so shift yourself!’.

Sorry must go. I’d love to chat some more but I know which side my bread’s buttered. Things To Do, you know, Things To Do…

Nominated by Ron Knee

May I nominate ‘Woke’ EastEnders who have stepped up their BBC bullshit over the last few weeks.
Not only did they have a ‘pride’ episode a week or so ago but the jewel in their progressive crown is to come as murderer Bobby Beale will covert to the religion of piss as he turns “his life around and becomes a valuable member of the community.” Those aren’t my words but those of a Muslim charity who are working with scriptwriters on the story.

EastEnders showing Bobby Beale’s conversion to Islam is not just brave, it’s crucial

I don’t watch much on telly and EastEnders is a big no no in my living room but surely people must be waking up to the so called progressive values being rammed down their throats?

Apparently Muslims are poorly betrayed in the media. The metro “journo” used the drama series ‘Three Girls’ as an example, which as I understand was about the Muslim grooming gangs and the subsequent cover up. None of the mainstream media companies would even allow you to comment or to air an opinion about Islam. Ever.

If you want people to see Islam as something better than it is then reform, stop worshipping a Paedo and take a fucking bath.

Having said all this I can’t wait for next year’s EastEnders pride episode. Could be explosive. The whodunit might be crap. It was the white bloke in a suicide vest in the Queen Vic. Hardly fucking Cluedo is it?

Nominated by Itchen Cunt

Terry Alderton, alleged comedian.

I’d lived in blissful ignorance of this cunt until I heard him on the radio this evening. Evidently, he has mental health problems that he likes to incorporate into an act. At one point, the silly cunt was barking like a dog and hearing voices. I’m not often taken aback, but rarely have I heard such a self indulgent, piss poor excuse for entertainment. I would rather have listened to someone straining on the bog. I dread to think how much this cunt is being paid. And,having looked him up on Google, the cunt resembles Uncle Fester on crack.

Nominated by Mary Hinge