Joel Scott-Halkes

A Steve Coogan, carbon footprint-sized cunting for this Extinction Rebellion bellend.

He looks and sounds exactly as you would expect. Never kissed a girl, or had more than one pint of lager without needing his stomach pumped. Unlike his arse, which is probably pumped with his 12-inch dildo on a regular basis while he looks at pictures of Stalin.

Anyway, this cunt was just interviewed on the BBC about his group disrupting the country, which culminated in a glorious kicking of two idiots at a tube station.

For once, a journalist at the BBC asked a decent question when he said, “But these commuters are helping the environment by using public transport. Surely you should be supporting people lowering their carbon footprint?”

Do you know how this bellend responded? With a straight face and everything, by the way.

He said that these protests are nothing to do with reducing carbon footprints. It’s about disrupting businesses, the economy and our day to day lives. That’s what those signs mean that say “Business as usual” (the cunt who got dragged off the train had one of these signs). He admitted to his own (and others in his group’s) hypocrisy in having a large carbon footprint, but that modern life (i.e. going to work and using electricity) hampers them from having a smaller carbon footprint. So you see, it’s the ‘government’s fault’ that they own a petrol guzzling sports car (Coogan) or travel by plane to their regular skiing holidays (one of the leaders of ER was outed for this recently). What utter shite!

He also said that these protests will continue today (good luck..I hope you all get the shit kicked out of you all fucking day).

In conclusion, it seems these cunts are just trying to destroy the economy. Like revolutionary Marxists are wont to do.

Drop them off in Pyongyang with tattoos on their foreheads that say “Kim Jong-Un is a dumb, fat ugly cunt who’s probably a bit gay”.

Let’s see how much they like communism then.

Fuck off.

Nominated by One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Cunt

Being Blanked

I don’t know, but I must be a friendly chap, always giving to people my salutation. I think maybe I err in this. But is it bad thing? I mean all you have to do is say “Hiya”, or nod your head, or even just raise your eyebrows in acknowledgement.

I hate being blanked. At the moment I am getting on the bus and an old friend who I used to drink with (admittedly 20 years ago) gets on the bus as well. And proceeds to completely blank me. I have given up trying to acknowledge him after numerous efforts on my part. I know what it is- he doesn’t want to get waylaid in conversation. I don’t want conversation either, just the acknowledgement. All he has to is, “hey, are you OK?”, accompanied by some sort of gesture. Then it is done and he can sit down and enjoy the ride in his own company.

Beatrice refused Dante her ‘salutation’ one afternoon and he went into wild despair. I’m not quite that bad with it but it does annoy me.

Nominated by Miles Plastic

The Legal System

I would like to Cunt the legal system for yet another huge waste of time and public money by the people that should know better but wont, because they just follow this country’s rise of PC agenda instead of plain old fashioned common sense!

Depending on which source of this story you read the events differ, however in this version, some fourteen months ago, Paul Gascoigne was pissed up on a train and among some banter with fans wanting selfies a woman was allegedly insulted about her looks and weight, so ‘Gazza’ being the good intentioned, drunken idiot he is, went and gave her a kiss on the lips and told her she wasn’t fat and ugly. “You’re beautiful”, he said.

Of course this horrendous crime resulted in Gazza’s arrest and subsequent prosecution. At a jury trial the best part of a week long he was today found not guilty of sexual assault. He still awaits the verdict of a lesser charge of Assault by beating (he has just been found not guilty of that charge too, Oct 17), which is second prize after not guilty of sexual assault in this case it seems! Gazza is a alcoholic stupid cunt make no mistake, so he will no doubt be in the headlines again for similar assholery in the very near future.

Why wasn’t there an option for him to apologise to this lady when he sobered up? That would have been a much more human approach than a show trial and saved the general public’s hard earned tax theft too instead of the thousands and thousands thrown away on this nonsense!

The only silver linings were when Gazza was arrested and being the woke SJW and master of chivalry he is he told the policeman “I know what it’s about, I kissed a fat lass”. Perhaps in his drunken state he thought kissing fat women is actually an offence. He also said “I get kissed all the time. If that’s the case I’ve been sexually harassed for the last 20 years.”

Fuck off!

Nominated by Coolforcunts

International Pronouns Day

I’d like to cunt International Pronouns Day.

“What’s that?” I hear the exasperated voices shout. Well it’s some made up bullshit advising us normal people (because all the “WOKE” people already know) what to correctly call people. Google it to see more information.

Oh and I suggest any esteemed cunters who are considering moving home to go to Cheshire as there seems to be no real crime there anymore, according to the Chief Cuntstable. Watch and learn Cressida Dick – how to get a crime free city:

http://www.stokesentinel.co.uk/news/stoke-on-trent-news/senior-police-officer-criticised-issuing-3436154

Nominated by goodwoodone

Lewis Hamilton (5)

I would like offer up a diamond encrusted cunting for Lewis Hamilton, who has yet again demonstrated that he is a Le Mans, 24 hour cunt.

Recently he’s been talking a load of complete hypocritical wank about how he worries about the planet and all the other eco-warrior, save the planet, signal the virtue – you know the drill by now, we’ve had it force fed to us for the last eighteen fucking months at least.

He’s probably polluted more than most people ever will in their lifetime.

I can explain to a primary school pupil that driving a diesel powered car around and around very fast puts a shit load of emissions into the environment, thus causing lots of pollution and damaging the environment and they will understand it. But not the fake wannabe gangsta, bling bling, smug prick, who got where he is mainly because of his dad. Only for him to tell his dad to go fuck himself once he got famous and became successful.

Not only is the cunt completely lacking in anything resembling self awareness, he’s also simply an annoying tit. All that jet setting back and forth to your home in Monaco isn’t fucking helping the planet either is it Lewis? You hypocritical bell-end!

Nominated by Harold Steptoe