You’re a swimmer, get a haircut. You might win something.

Black swimmers are ‘heartbroken’ because the swimming competition have banned soul caps which are swimming caps into which black swimmers can cram their dreadlocks, afros and other hairstyles.

Apparently, this dreadful situation is preventing many young black swimmers pursuing their dream of representing their country. I am aware that Fiddler has opinions as to why we do not see Team GB awash with swimmers of colour but I do feel that he might be unaware of this dreadful discrimination.

Should any of us encounter one of these heartbroken persons do not assume that one of their family has just been informed that they have a terminal illness or suchlike; it is because their hairstyle prevents them winning a gold medal at the Olympic Games.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/newsbeat-57688380

Nominated by – Guzziguy

Link helpfully provided by – Dickie Dribbler

The reasons to avoid travelling on public transport if you can are many and varied. No doubt one of the most compelling is the desire to avoid contact with that elusive, anti-social individual known only as ‘The Phantom Farter’.

I had to go into town earlier today, and was obliged to return by bus. This led to an encounter with that sinister, will o’ the wisp figure, which proved to be only slightly less traumatic than a near-death experience.

As I was nearing the end of my journey, one of ten or so passengers on the lower deck let off one of those silent-but-deadly guffs which suggest that the culprit has stuffed an over-ripe piece of Stilton up their arse and left it to rot.

The effect on the social dynamic among the passengers was subtle yet immediate. Heads turned uneasily from side to side, as individuals visibly sort to direct attention away from themselves by implying that the source of the atrocity lay elsewhere.

The cheeky cunt in the seat behind me got up and opened a window, in what I took to be a blatant attempt to point the finger of blame at me. Then an elderly Asian woman pressed the bell and shuffled towards the door. The collective consciousness of the remaining passengers immediately formed the opinion ‘CURRY!’, and a silent verdict of ‘guilty’ was inferred.

Shortly it was my turn to get off, and as I walked away from the bus stop I was at pains to avoid glancing in the direction of any pavement-side passengers, lest this be seen as an admission of guilt on my part.

Take it from me ladies and gents (and others), this really was a rasper of the most eye- wateringly noxious kind. I mean, what kind of diet must some people be on to produce such an effect?

The worst of it is, you never know where this anonymous misanthrope may strike next; in the supermarket, the cinema queue, the post office,the coffee shop… before fading into the wild blue yonder once more.

‘They seek him here, they seek him there, they seek the bastard everywhere. Is he in heaven or is he in hell, that elusive farting pimpernel’.

I think I need some air…

Nominated by – Ron Knee

As far as I know, this repulsive creature isn’t the son of the famous Hyacinth (he used to be called Sheridan, so I suppose it is just possible….).

Joking apart, this ugly bastard, who hails from Brighton, that capital city of bumfuckery, amused himself by stabbing cats – 16 at last count, of which 9 died:

https://www.aol.co.uk/news/security-guard-found-guilty-brighton-145434688.html

The little cunt didn’t have the guts to appear in court to hear the consequences of his disgusting behaviour, but is in hospital (Perhaps he tried to top himself? or just got the shits at the prospect of facing justice). He will be sentenced on 12th July, provided he turns up.

I am totally angered by animal cruelty, and the very lenient sentences they usually attract. IF I had my way, this little cunt would be given a severe thrashing with a cat o nine tails, and then handed over for a gang bang with Brightons many poofters.

Nominated by: W. C. Boggs

I want your soul, I will eat your soul.

Frida Kahlo fans are cunts. These cunts think they’re special because they’ve discovered Frida Kahlo, but it just makes them cunts.

Why are conjoined eyebrows so important? It’s ugly, masculine and weird. The fact that you worship – or worse, pretend to worship – this Mexican werewolf makes you a cunt, and if you haven’t thought that through before jumping on her hairy gravy train then you’re a cunt.

These horrid, hairy pictures should be taken down and burned for the cuntish pro-masculinisation of women that they are. So when you see a Frida picture, probably a self-portrait adorned with facial pubic hair and her relentless self-love, you know that the person who has put that picture there is a cunt.

Nominated by: Sausage, meatballs and cream

Links below provided by the ever helpful: Dickie Dribbler

https://wearemitu.com/fierce/frida-kahlo-fans-are-tweeting-stunning-images-of-the-artist-on-her-birthday-and-get-ready-to-swoon/

https://www.britannica.com/biography/Frida-Kahlo

Cunts who walk behind you when you’re reversing.

I went to town yesterday to do my weekly shop and as I was backing out of the (fucking narrow) bay some tart and her brat saw fit to walk right across my pat.

The woman was reading something on her phone..she was a sweaty porker who I wouldn’t have wanted to ride into battle,never mind bed ,but that’s by the by…

Someone must have girded their loins and impregnated her…anyhow,back to the point. She and her child were fucking lucky that I was in the jeep and not the pickup or I’d have never seen them for the canopy on the back..but it would still.no doubt, have been my fault if I’d flattened them.

I did open the door and shout asking if she was blind but the woman didn’t even look my way…probably too busy updating her “Full-time Mummy” status on facebook….

Nominated by – Dick Foxchaser-Fiddler

Seconded by – Paul Maskinback

Last week I suffered two incidences of this cuntish behaviour. The first was when I was driving out of my children’s school having collected them.

Being a school, I am on high alert being inattentive children wandering around. I checked both ways, a couple of times before moving. I then started to reverse then caught sight of a parent walking his offspring about a foot from my rear bumper.

The adult, the bulb headed cunt, stared his filthiest look at me, to which I wound the window down and suggested he used his eyes or went to Specsavers.

The second incident was at a local supermarket. Same thing, coast clear then some cunt on a mobile phone casually strolls right behind your path.

Daft fucking cunts.