There really can be no pleasing them.
At all. Ever!
The bar they set is so high, it may as well be hovering in another dimension.
And all of them awaiting the six-foot superstar billionaire each and every one of them believes they alone are worthy of – every fat hag, illiterate slag, and monday morning medusa.
Find ’em, fuck ’em, and forget ’em, lads – and don’t even bother with the first two.
Nominated by: Mild-Mannered Reporter, Cunt Kent
Rumours abound that W12 could be with us next year even though W11 is still relatively new in the public domain having only been available since late 2021. And even now W11 is still slow taking off, not least because of its fussy hardware requirements.
W12 is supposed to be very “AI-heavy” (Artificial Intelligence), although Microsoft hasn’t gone into details as to what this actually means. And neither have they confirmed officially that there will even be a W12 rolled out any time soon.
However, it is known that they’ve been working closely with CPU manufacturers such as Intel and ARM, both of whom are producing the next generation of super 64-core and 128-core processors (a massive step up from the current quad and octa-cores) for the domestic market.
Inevitably this may mean that to upgrade to W12 you’re going to need fairly top-end hardware. Either that or having to shell out yet again for another laptop or PC just to be able to run the same programmes you’ve used on W10 and 11 but on the latest W12 platform.
Or you could just stick with what you’ve got and wait until it goes out of support (W10 – October 2025. W11 – October 2031). This is probably the best option because if you do consider upgrading your machine you’ll be facing the usual compatibility issues with apps that run perfectly fine on your current OS, but now won’t run on W12.
Microsoft are no different from Apple – always trying to squeeze every pound and every penny out of mug punters for operating systems that really don’t make much of a difference to ordinary people.
Nominated by: Technocunt
I really feel sorry for persons who experience period pain once a month. I mean, what a fucking pain. Period.
The wife points out that period pain can be a bad experience for a person with a uterus, but it can be utterly excruciating for persons without one, as this young lady found out to her discomfort;
He’ll be wanting one of those vagina thingies next. Sorry; SHE’LL be wanting one of those vagina thingies next.
I can only repeat the words of a confused Ray Davies; ‘girls will be boys and boys will be girls, it’s a mixed up, muddled up, shook up world…’. Damn right it is. It most certainly is.
Nominated by Ron Knee. And another helping about the “reds playing at home” from Fuglyucker.
As its wimminz day I would like to nominate a cunting, it those fucking horrific ads about the monthly shark week.
The above link nearly made me bring up my dinner, then there is the other ad, with the red splashes on knickers and the gild at the end wringing herself out like a fuck chamois leather.
Honestly I sympathise with wimminz, but I would rather not have to see or hear about this crap, there really are some things men don’t need to know.
Greetings Cunters another tale of misfortune from myself on many levels.
The former Mrs B and myself have parted company, and my health has declined further just as I met up and moved in with Mrs B MK fuck knows.
Any way with my decline in health I was offered a new medication, this is a sort of drain cleaner for the vascular system, but with clots on my lungs and a femoral blockage that felt like a kick in the balls I grabbed the opportunity at a prolonged life span and wolfed the stuff down as I waited to go under the knife.
Now all medication can have certain side effects, and this seemed to give me a burning arsehole, (I mentioned the new lady didn’t I?) So the new Mrs B supplies me with a nice cream to sooth the burning, sore,sweaty arsehole that I have now developed (Sorry, but I now have subliminal images of Sir Keir Starmer! – Day Admin).
Any way fast forward to hospital, loads of drugs, and I mean shit loads, I had my own morphine on tap, didn’t even have to get out of bed for a piss as I was plumbed in, and yes more drugs if I wanted them.
I wont go into it too deeply but after a period I was able to escape from hospital and come home, although on the same medication I no longer had the flaming arsehole issue that funny enough I had failed to mention to the consultant.
Within 3 days of blissful home rest the old problem raised its head and the old bum crack was stinging.
Now I am a logical thinker and I am not a toilet malingerer so I took time to investigate the bathroom with the aid of a par of reading glasses.
Mrs B has a box of lady’s secrets in the bathroom, pads potions and wet wipes for under waist sanitation purposes, I know this well because I have been nicking her toilet wipes for a wet wipe shit.
On closer inspection I discover that Sainsbury do two versions, one is called sanitary flushable wipes, and another toilet flushable wipes.
The flushable toilet wipes are the ones that I had been using for some time because she leaves them out and I am a lazy cunt .
The other thing that i noted that apart from colour and fragrance the ones that I had been using kill 99% of bacteria, also they are for cleaning the toilet and not wiping my arse.
So defacto I had been wiping my arse with domestos for over a year hence the fucking ring of fire!
So I nominate flushable toilet wipes as a barstard shit idea and I bet I am not the only person who has wiped their arse with them.
Nominated by: bigus Dickus
After careful consideration, bosses at the RM have decided that despite a 25% drop in letter usage since the pandemic, they’re going to increase the price of a 1st and 2nd class stamps by up to 15% from 3rd April. This means a 1st class stamp will go up from 95p to £1.10p.
Bosses not only blame the drop in letter volume, but also rising costs and record inflation. However, that doesn’t stop the CEO from earning around £400k last year and receiving a £400k bonus on top of that.
How he can justify a bonus that size is fucking amazing given the RM is stuck in the past with its working practices as well as losing money hand over fist.
And then of course the new stamps will have King Fuckwit’s profile, but without a crown. Why? Is he scared he might offend someone? But that’s for another nomination.
Royal Mail. !st Class Cunts!
Nominated by: Technocunt