Royal Mail (12) and the Price of Stamps

After careful consideration, bosses at the RM have decided that despite a 25% drop in letter usage since the pandemic, they’re going to increase the price of a 1st and 2nd class stamps by up to 15% from 3rd April. This means a 1st class stamp will go up from 95p to £1.10p.

Bosses not only blame the drop in letter volume, but also rising costs and record inflation. However, that doesn’t stop the CEO from earning around £400k last year and receiving a £400k bonus on top of that.

How he can justify a bonus that size is fucking amazing given the RM is stuck in the past with its working practices as well as losing money hand over fist.

And then of course the new stamps will have King Fuckwit’s profile, but without a crown. Why? Is he scared he might offend someone? But that’s for another nomination.

Royal Mail. !st Class Cunts!

Sky News

Money Saving Expert

Nominated by: Technocunt

42 thoughts on “Royal Mail (12) and the Price of Stamps

  1. Charlie boys ears are not realistic enough, you can grow potatoes in the real thing.

  2. RM also coin it from posting junk spaff through your letterbox though I’d be surprised if the postie gets a cut for lugging that tedious shit along on their rounds.
    A solid cunting.

  3. Wasn’t there a famous author who never bothered with stamps for his letters.?..instead he just threw them out of his study window and trusted passersby to put them in a post box for him.

    Royal Mail are committing commercial suicide.

  4. Wouldn’t it be a right old giggle if someone hacked their printing machine and put Markle who sparkles on the stamps.

  5. There is some convention I believe whereby kings appear without crowns on stamps and queens appear wearing their crown. Also, each monarch appears facing in the opposite direction to their predecessor. Don’t ask me why.

      • Why would you want to see an image of Dumbo 😂😂😂😂

        I surprised WOKEY Disney haven’t changed the name!

      • I don’t buy stamps so I don’t care but at least a foot wide stamp might justify the cost.

    • The reason the king faces the other way is as follows. Cromwell portrait coins showed old wart face facing left. Come the restoration of the monarchy in 1660 Charles II faced right so he could turn his back on the Commonwealth period. Other than Edward VIII all monarchs have kept to the system of changing from left to right. Yep I’m that boring cunt down the pub……

  6. If I have to pay 1.10 for a first class stamp I think the photo should be of lovely Liza Nandy’s knockout titties – just imagine licking them every time you put her on the envelope. Fucking Royal Mail want to stop Saturday deliveries – and collections. What will be the point of paying for a first class stamp on a Friday?. It is almost as if they WANT to fail. I’d like to suggest it to her – does anybody have the private telephone number of LIsa, who Id like to get my hands on?. The second class stamps should have a nude of AnalEase Dodds on it, so that people would be too ashamed and embarrassed to be seen to be such a penny pincher.

    • You could use those 2nd class stamps on bills, repossession letters and the like. The stamp would be an instant indicator of the type of shit the letter contains.

    • If I give you her number can I join please?

      I’d like to make a naughty movie with her entitled Nandy’s Knockers. Rayner would also play a part, and do a Sharon Stone half way through.

      • I can see lots of possibilities with LIsa, and her lovely jubblies if she would drop the political nonsense. Boggs Pornographic Productions (Taiwan) would offer her a contract. My first idea would be “Killerboobs” where, having been assaulted by David Lammy she takes out her anger on him, and a whole host of Starmer’s charmers, including the great man himself – all found suffocated in their bedrooms after an hour of passion with the busty beauty. There could even be a lezza nude wrestling scene with Jess Phillips as Liza rips off Jess’ strap-on. Liza would come out on top of course.

      • I see a pattern here that I have only just noticed.

        Labour ladies generally have quite large juggs which Corbyn and Starmer often milk. I guess if Labour stands for workers then Labour ladies being naughty porno hussies make sense – working girls.

        Might have to go empty my ball sack now, all this talk of Lisa’s titties is getting to me a bit.

  7. Royal Mail is stuck in the past. It needs a rebrand. How about calling themselves ‘Consignia’ or some such shit?

  8. I like Royal Mail, nice red vans.

    However, we had a nice post lady/girl with long blonde hair but for some reason the cunts have replaced her with a bloke, I hope it was nothing to do with me following her around the local streets 😳

    The price of stamps is a joke.

    • I liked Postman Pat’s van but he was still a cunt. His cat did more than him, just like your typical postie these days. Most of the cunts are in the pub at 12.

      • When you think about it, Postman Pat was pretty realistic.
        He mislaid or damaged every parcel he was given, drove his van like a cunt yet was unsackable, probably due to union pressure.
        The only unrealistic part is that he spoke English.

    • I shall make sure they put the back of Charles head on the front, if that makes you feel better. Anything to oblige you Mis.

  9. For a start, the Royal Mail should stop putting junk mail through my letterbox, when I have a sign on my door telling them not to. They even have the audacity to post the shit when I’m not receiving any official post !

    A dear friend of mine had some old stamps she’d purchased years earlier when they were cheaper. She then added an extra stamp to make up the cost, even though there wasn’t a stated price on the stamps. The Royal Mail should show the same honesty.

    • The junk mail really pisses me off too Sammy, so for years now I’ve been collecting it. When I’ve got a load about a foot thick, I post it all back in the nearest post box.

      The fuckers can shift it themselves.

      • Good idea Ron. If only we had the audacity to take quire loads to a Royal Mail sorting office and dump them on the counter. Their mouths would still be open long after the door as stopped swinging behind you.

  10. I know the Royal Fail is mostly populated with chimps, but in all fairness even at the new cost its better than delivering your post yourself…

  11. I can’t in all honesty remember the last time I bought stamps?

    Or for that matter wrote anyone a letter?

    Do any of you know?

  12. Stamps would be more popular if the gum was flavoured.


    Banana for Black people.

    Shite for gay people

    Haddock for girls with boys haircuts.

    Maybe have a Queen Camilla stamp with her piss flaps on an when you lick it there’s a film of dust and faint taste of thrush?

  13. I’m enjoying all these stamp licking jokes, even though they’ve be self adhesive for years.

  14. Put LSD on the glue of the new stamps.
    Have King Tampon smoking a massive spliff.
    A tripped out Britain is what we need this summer!

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