As deaths icy claw gently strokes your chin and the reaper whispers

” Not long now kid…..”

You start to ponder your life.
Great moments, sad moments, heartbreaking pain, moments of joy,
Deeply shameful things you’ve done,
Things your proud of doing, you get the picture.

And it’s with this in mind I started to think about a ‘Bucket List’.

For those who don’t know what that is,
It’s things you always wanted to experience
And ticking them off before your worm meat.

Some people bungee jump.
Some get a tattoo
Some swim with dolphins (?)

Well you can fuck that.
Im going panning for gold.
Always fancied it!
Like a grizzled old prospector.
Sieving for nuggets at the side of a river.
I’ve looked into it.
Can find gold in the UK.
So in summer I’m having a week off to go panning for gold.
I’ve got gold fever.
And when the reaper says

“Knobhead. You drowned in the river didn’t you?”

I hope I can reply by grinning showing off my solid gold artisan made teeth?

https://youtu.be/XZ8Q9mOYJgE

Nominated by : Miserable northern cunt

I’m a fat cunt, so I’m entitled to a free seat ( or three).

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FOgavm_UL5c
(Warning: video features Piers Morgan – NA)

I couldn’t actually believe this.

This land whale actually thinks that airlines should give her an extra seat, or two, so she can sit comfortably, for free!

In a way, having had several heffers sat next to me on planes, their blubbery legs, etc pressed against me, I agree they should have two seats.
But free? Get to fuck!

NY Post Link.
(Link provided by our Fat Traveller Cunt correspondent, Night Admin – NA)

Nominated by : Jeezum Priest

I would like to cunt the currant account switch service for this fucking advert, it features some/several fuck knuckles with a please give me a karate chop to the throat haircut.

https://youtu.be/MNnS6EhziJE

This ad boils my piss, every time it comes on and it’s often that vien in my forehead starts to twitch uncontrollably.

The fact that these companies think that annoying people beyond belief with these wank ads is ever going to work and get them business is beyond me, think back to those Nationwide building society ads, which mean those cunts will never get a penny from me, same as the above cunts, you don’t forget the ad, you remember what cunts they are by televising it =no fucking business from me a millions of other annoyed people who will never forgive or forget….. Cunts

Nominated by : Fuglyucker

Did you know 11per cent of adults are scared of the dark in the US?

True.
And a jaw dropping 64per cent of adults in the UK say that they are scared of the dark.

Disgraceful!!

Our ancestors were scared of the dark.
With every reason,
Large predators, lions ,tigers and bears,oh my!
Other raiding tribes etc.

But for someone nowadays it’s pathetic.

I used to sometimes take off as a lad and camp in the woods, loved it!
Felt like Tarzan ?
But then I like my own company, nature, and not being around noisy cunts.

I like the dark,
It keeps kids in,
Old fuckers in,
And people don’t notice you fondling your balls.

For any adult scared of the dark you need fuckin horsewhipping,
Your a absolute disgrace and around mardarse.

I hope the monsters under your bed eat your face off.

Mirror Link.

Nominated by : Miserable northern cunt

Splashdown for our favourite knitting diver, Mr. Daley and his husband, who have added a second son to their bijou residence:

Daily Fail Link.

It’s a boy: but look at the name Phoenix ROSE

Is this an attempt to find the next Eddie Izzard or did Tom just wake up one day and say to hubby “You haven’t made a film lately, duckie, and I am not getting arselicking publicity from the BBC and likes on WankTube. Let’s hear the patter of tiny feet”.

Poor little Phoenix Rose (who will no doubt be sold off to Hello or one of the other “celeb mags”. for photo-ops) If Tom and Dustin wanted the patter of tiny feet they should have got a Chihuahua.

Nominated by : W.C. Boggs

And a second coming (see what I did there? – NA) provided by Miles Plastic:

Tom Daley and ‘Family’

I am trying to move against my aversion to all things Gay. The Pope is softening, using kinder language about it.

In the Catechism it describes homosexual relations as ‘intrinsically disordered’. There are moves to get rid of it I have been reading.

It was something the Pope said changed my mind. Talking about civil marriage I think he said ‘we don’t want anyone to be aone’.
I’ve lived alone and it was horrible.

I am still uncomfortable watching say that Gay couple on Gogglebox but it isn’t as acute as before.

So here I am working away at this within myself. Then I come across this-

Sly News Link.

It’s just set me back. You know I think the picture of them is more ‘offensive’ than some weird looking person on a Gay Pride March.

It’s the ‘adding to my family’ shit I dont like. As though it’s normal.

I don’t know.

I will just have to accept it in the ‘abstract’.

The world has changed so fundamentally from what I thought was normal.