Today, Mrs Twenty and I spent just over two and a half hours on an incredibly overcrowded train. It would have been bad enough had it just been smelly and full of the usual travelling cunts without the foghorn voiced yank in the seats immediately behind us. He managed to spend the entire duration of the journey regaling each new person who sat down next to, or opposite him.

According to him we are all just ‘one degree away from each other if we did but know. This totally non self-aware cunt said that his mind-blowingly vacuous philosophy of life could be proven by simply asking the tight questions!

‘I have probably, at some point, been in touch with you office, or perhaps we may know someone who went to the same school. or we may even have been to the same place on holiday! Have you been to Sorrento?’He asked some wretched woman.

‘As a matter of fact I have.’ The woman replied. WRONG ANSWER!!!!

‘So have I. See, I told you. We are only one degree apart! Did you like it?’

‘Yes, it was very nice.’ WRONG ANSWER!!!

‘So did I. It’s uncanny, isn’t it. I went there with my fiance (fucking hell, what must she be like?!) we went for the Love Festival, it was at St Valentines.Who did you go with?’

‘My husband.

‘Incredible!’

What a fucking twat. How many people go to Sorrento for a holiday? I looked it up, more than 2 million every fucking year. How many people have a regular partner? I looked it up, at any one time approximately 65% of people are in regular partnerships.

Even as people queued to exit the train, the idiot abroad was expounding his wondrous wisdom to yet more hapless, tired and sweaty fellow passengers.

‘We are all only one degree apart from one another. What is your line of business…’

Wiki Link.

The above link refers to the less refined six degrees of separation, which is also utter bollocks.

Nominated by : Twenty Thousand Cunts Under the Sea

It’s going to be hot!
Oh no, it’s not!
It’s going to snow.
So warm, you’re cheeks will glow.
It’ll be windy.
It’ll thunder!
Makes me wants the chunder.

Sorry, terrible prose, but it’s going to thunder! Quick, run and hide, pull the bed covers over your head!

When did someone decide that we had become so infantilised, we needed to be warned about fucking thunder!

Sly News Link.

Nominated by : Jeezum Priest

and the Muswell Hill Peloton Club are cunts.

This arsehole, part of a larger group of arseholes, knocked over an 81 year old women whilst cycling at 30 mph in a 20 mph zone. She later died of her injuries.
This cunt was not prosecuted as apparently there is no law about causing death by dangerous cycling. The club didn’t even have the decency to put anything on their own website, expressing any regret or offering any apology. The cunt himself has had nothing to say either.
Here’s hoping he and the rest of those cunts meet a large artic head-on during their next jaunt.

MSN

Nominated by mystic maven

Is this fucking useless cunt for real? Hard on the heels of the Tories’ drubbing in the local elections, here’s the Torygraph giving a platform to Shortarse himself in a pitiful attempt to stave off complete annihilation at the next General Election.

Telegraph Link.

Shorty says he has a plan. I’ll save cunters the trouble and cost of surmounting the paywall erected by the billionaire twins who own this rag, especially as they’re in the process of selling out to a bunch of smelly, sheep’s eyeball munching oilw*gs. Instead, here is the 6-point plan in summary:

1. To provide a red carpet welcome for all dinghy arrivals. Slot machines will be installed along the south coast where, for a small fee, all undocumented males will be able to purchase British citizenship, a passport and free access to accommodation, healthcare, public services and pension rights for life.

2. To punish aspiration, self-reliance and success by taxing the indigenous population to death.

3. To impoverish the population by pandering to the ecomentals and forcing EVs and heat pumps on people who don’t want them and can’t afford them.

4. To turn the country over to Islamomarxist mob rule.

5. To provide further prohibition business opportunities for organised crime by following up the cigarette ban with bans on vaping, alcohol, junk food, non-Halal meat and anything else we can think of that people enjoy.

6. To lose the next election by a landslide, fuck off to Silicon Valley and hand the UK over to the Labour Party to finish the job of destroying Britain’s history, heritage, culture and economy.

So that’s the Plan. Or have I missed anything?

Nominated by : Geordie Twatt

I`d like to cunt ISOHEDRA.
(It`s a long shot, but I`m guessing this hasn`t been cunted before).

But I`m not talking about any old three-dimensional polyhedral object existing in what we perceive as spacetime; no, I`m nominating this …

BBC News Link.

Nobody, thus far, has been able to figure out what it `s purpose was.

So now it`s OUR turn, cunters! You know what’s coming, don’t you: What the fuck was this thing used for? – ADMINS – prize please for best thought?

My guess? Simple. Don`t overthink it.

It was a Roman wanking device.

Further, if I were that inclined, professor Alice Roberts would be my `inspiration`.

Vixen.

Nominated by : Sam Beau