Author Archives: A Cunt Who Cunts Cunts

Laura Hamilton

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Seldon have I ever come across such a rude, condescending, patronising prat as Place in the Sun presenter Laura Hamilton.

She proudly tells us that she has renovated 7 houses in 10 years and this makes her the ideal expert to advise the poor dumb sods that come on this show which properties they should buy. 7 houses! Wow! I’m so fucking impressed! Clearly she was so good as a property developer that she had to take a crap job presenting for Channel 4.

And just once I would like to see the airheaded bitch actually take a blind bit of notice as to what they actually want. But then young Laura knows best, and if you disagree she’ll just tell you’re a cunt.

Apparently she came second on Dancing on Ice. Second! That about sums her up. Second fucking rate!

And the cunt has fat legs too.

Nominated by : FU

Footballers

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Footballers? Footballers! Don’t start me on that bunch of useless, overpaid prima donna cunts who get paid obscene amounts of dosh to sit on a fucking bench for a million quid a month and occasionally get up and kick a bit of fucking pig skin around a bit of grass in front of a load of brain dead fucking cunts with more money than sense at those prices!!

And the fucking pig skin is fake plastic these days because we don’t want the poor little delicate darlings to hurt themselves by kicking a real fucking football, do we?

Apparently, Man U – whoever they are – got knocked out of a competition the other week by some bunch of foreign cunts who just happened to kick the ball better then they did.

Big fucking deal! Who fucking cares! No cunt of any importance that’s for sure! I’m glad they lost. Fuck ‘em! Get over it…..

Nominated by : Dioclese

Dan Whelan

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David Whelan (Chairman of Wigan Athletic Dirty Bastards FC) is a Senile old Blind fuckwitt of a Cunt. His total cuntishness can be seen from the fact that he gave the fucking Tories £250,000.

In dire need of a visit from the Grim Reaper so he can be fucked off from this planet, the Cunt

Nominated by : Ollie Burton’s Granddad

Benjamin Britten

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The only good thing you can say about Britten is that the cunt is dead, so we don’t have to be subjected to any more of his cacophonistic shite.

The man was hailed as the greatest composer of the 20th century. Bollocks he was. That’s a bit like saying Damien Hirst or Tracey Emin are great artists. His ‘operas’ were shite. Crap story lines and total lack of melody. You’d get a better melody by banging together a couple of dustbin lids.

And the cunt is hero worshipped. Why? ‘cos he was a poof ahead of his time? Wasn’t it illegal in those days? Shouldn’t he have got a prison sentence rather than a gong?

Take my advise – don’t go to Aldeburgh this year. It’s the centenary of his birth and there’s going to be a series of events to commemorate the occasion. If you’re not sure where Aldeburgh is just follow the sound of clashing dustbin lids.

Not Mozart. Not Verdi. Not talented. Just the best we had – which doesn’t say much for the rest of the cunts. Cream of the crap. Cunt of musical cunts. Talentless, poofta cunt!

Nominated by : Small Town Man & Dioclese
(Playing together in perfect harmony)

I remember old Benji Britten up the West End on adventures doncha know. Loved his little boys – quite a few scandals there but it was all hushed up. Loved alliteration – Peter Pears, paedophile porn – that kind of thing.

Nominated by : Sir Limply Stoke

Johnathan Cainer

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Johnathan Cainer is a lying, deceiving, spurious, balding, soothsayer arsehole with an ego the size of Jupiter and a job that should qualify him for execution by medical experimentation.

He uses made up words that only an astrological cunt would use.

Nominated by : Stargazer