Russell Brand [4]

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Q: How do you make a living by being a total cunt?
A: Change your name to Russell Brand and just be a total cunt.

Tosspot so-called comedian Russell Brand has launched his own YouTube channel called ‘The Trews”. What’s it all about? Well according to Brand “my daily show ‘The Trews’ is where I give you the true news so you don’t have to invest any money in buying newspapers that charge you for the privilege of keeping your consciousness imprisoned in a tiny box of ignorance and lies.”

Pretentious little fucking shitbag cunt! He even nicked the name from a Canadian hard rock band. I doubt he ever had an original thought of his own in his entire life.

The Trews. FFS! Watch it at your peril!

Nominated by: Dioclese

Adrian Chiles [4]

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Adrian Chiles, face like a well slapped arse and the presence of a hippo wallowing in the mud. Huge campaign to get him away from commentating on football before he destroyed the game, for me it was getting him off TV full stop before I put a boot through the telly.

AND his face and voice was the reason my Alsatian turned gay, I’m certain…

Nominated by: Lord of the Cunts

Golf

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Golf. A stupid cunty “sport” played by stuck up cunts who think they’re better than the rest of us just because they can afford the ludicrously expensive fees charged by their local golf club.

And golf clubs! What a bastion of all-round cuntitude these are! Just look at the ridiculously complex rules dreamt up by idiots over the last dregs in the claret drug whilst sat on antique furniture, while the club’s denizens moan about how the country’s gone to the dogs since the “poorer sort” got the vote. And the most cunty thing about golf clubs is the sheer waste of land they represent; in the midst of a housing crisis only the most out-of-touch Tory cunt (or “Tory”) could think having acres upon acres of land reserved for a few dozen in-bred toffs or wannabe tycoons in their beemers to hit a little white ball around a field with a stick is a good idea, while the country is crying out for more housing. Golf clubs represent little more than a waste of land, land that could be better served as public open spaces, children’s playing fields, new factories and industrial estates, new housing, anything but for a load of cunts to knock a little white ball around with a stick.

And golf the “sport” – what a stupid idea! Only the Scots could have invented such a brainless, dull, stupid, soul-destroying pastime as golf. How people can pay top dollar to watch a load of middle-aged yanks or oirishmen lose their little white ball in the long grass is beyond me. But at least the cunts who play golf are being kept busy; people who play golf are probably from the same gene pool as bankers and politicians, and while they’re playing their stupid little “sport” they aren’t fucking up the world for the rest of us…

I take it all back – we need more golf clubs now!

(That last sentence was sarcasm, you daft cunts.)

Nominated by: Colin Murray’s Brain

Will Self [3]

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Will Self needs a cunting for going on some shite radio 4 show and slagging off George Orwell. Now I have to admit, Orwell isn’t one of my favourite writers. I prefer Science Fiction and Horror. However, Orwell made some interest points that are more true today than they were when he wrote those points down.

Self, seemed to think he was superior to Orwell. Though from what I’ve heard of Self over the years, I’m confident in claiming that Self isn’t even fit to lick dog shit from the soles of Orwell’s shoes. I haven’t actually read any of his written works, I just assume it’s a load of ultra left wing bollocks written by a self important, pseudo intellectual, former smack head. He has a face perfectly suited for sneering, and appears to look down on anyone who isn’t Will Self.

Come to think of it, he also has a face that you’d be happy to suffer a fractured hand after repeatedly punching.

Nominated by: Quick Draw McGraw

Will ‘Death Him” Self is a total cunt. And the day Self is better than Orwell is the day I show my arse on top of the CIS Building…

Nominated by: Norman

John Prescott [5]

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This self-described “Proud Welshman” who has spent most of his life in England feels free to comment on how England should be governed, despite his insistence that “there is no such thing as English nationality”. Prescott, throughout his time in government and since then has been a leading advocate of devolution for the “regions” i.e. the effective abolition of one of Europe’s historic nations – England.

So despite not being born here he feels free to dictate how my nation is governed, and yet despite having made his life (and money) in England he is one of the most rabid Anglophobes in the land. In short, “Thumper” Prescott is a typical Celtic hypocrite – keen enough to leach off England when it suits, yet has a deep sense of loathing to the nation that has enriched him.

So my message to Prescott – and all of you Welsh, Scots and Irish living in my country – is to fuck the hell out of England. And if you do wish to continue living here, you keep your damn mouths shut and your heads down, you fucking Celtic Anglophobe cunts.

Nominated by: Colin Murray’s Brain