Author Archives: A Cunt Who Cunts Cunts

Friends Reunited

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I was rather shocked, amused, and surprised to hear of my demise in 1993 on a regimental memorial page.

A former college called me at work and pointed me in their direction.

I replied to all the rumours and condolences directly, when out of the mists of time comes an old room mate, bounding towards me like a Labrador with a turd in it’s mouth!

He made references to all the “good times we had”

Obviously being a member of this fine forum I am more honest than most, and had to remind him of the fact he stole tools from my tank, helped himself to item’s from my locker and shit out in combat.

I was asked to remove these comments, which I did, seeing as it is a respectful site.

But why the fuck do people gloss over history to the extent we are all mates?

Nominated by: Lord Benny

I was invited to a 60th birthday party by someone I’d not seen for over 40 years.

How was it? Well, I wrote a song about it – and every bloody word is true…

Nominated by: Chas C

Post Colonial Guilt

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Persons of a supposedly “progressive” persuasion would happily have us believe that the British, primarily the English, were the only people who ever indulged in empire building and colonization.

French? Absolute sweethearts throughout history apparently. Spaniards? Portuguese? Dutch? Benevolence personified, never conquered, invaded or exploited anyone.

Yeah. Right. I’d feel somewhat cheap taking the piss out of a modern German citizen over certain “events” of 70 odd years ago, so how come we have to take this shit and eat it constantly? Were we just that bit better at it than the aforementioned Continentals perhaps? This endless Empire Guilt crap comes out of the TV (not just Auntie Beeb either) and infests everything from the news, documentaries and even kids programmes. And always from above, from some rich and/or posh cunt and aimed at we plebs in the lower orders.

Fuck ’em.. I’m off to buy a fucking Pith Helmet and a monocle, just to piss them off…

Nominated by: Mr Bastard

Beyonce [2]

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It like to fire off a timely cunting of publicity whore Beyonce Knowles who used her appearance at this week’s coma inducing Superbowl to get all political by making statements like Black Lives matter.

Yes they do you Ms Knowles but maybe you should be directing your self righteous virtue signalling (in reality creating controversy to make more money) to young black men as by far the biggest killer of young black men is not the Police but young black men. Did she say anything about black on black violence ? Do they ever say anything about black on black violence ? Did she fuck.

Fuck of you just know that tit jayz is behind this stunt. Cunts.

Nominated by : Vermin Cunt Spotter

The Great British Public [2]

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The Collective Great British Public

A monumental shower of uneducated, ignorant, TV addicted, fast-food consuming, ipad owning, Twitter posting, Facebook addicted, BBC believing, Sun Newspaper reading, Sky TV owning, smart phone addicted, narcissistic, x-factor loving, coronation street watching imbecilic CUNTS

Nominated by: Boaby

Darren Hughes

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Darren Hughes is the Deputy Chief Executive of the UK Electoral Reform Society. How did Kiwi Darren end up with such a well remunerated position? I’m glad you asked.

Back in 2002 Darren was elected as a baby faced Labour MP in New Zealand. For two elections he held the seat of Otaki, before losing it. Fortunately, as NZ has MMP (a form of proportional representation) Darren got to stay in Parliament, due to his list position, there’s no getting rid of troughers in NZ.
Now, Darren trotted along nicely, doing F-all in his time apart from some TV spots. A real seat warmer. He also helped out the Deputy Leader by charging Parliament to rent her spare room, despite Otaki being a three quarter hour commute from Parliament.

It was renting the room where it all came unstuck for Darren. One night, having met a lovely very young man, he took him home to the Deputy Leaders house. The young man was having a lovely time, so lovely that when he came to he was surprised to find himself naked and bent over a Swiss ball. The lovely very young man for some reason decided that the best course of action was to run off stark bollack naked through the streets of windy cold Wellington, where he was found by the Police.

Well, when the Police came a knocking, what do you think happened? No one knew anything! The main media companies didn’t want to pursue the story. The Police seemed surprisingly unwilling to investigate, and the Labour party didn’t wish to comment in case the “prejudiced” the investigation.

Sadly,people kept wondering what happened, and so some very senior policemen, appointed by the last Labour government, looked into things. All of a sudden, the young man didn’t want to press charges. Darren resigned from parliament, and hopped on a flight to Blighty, and lo and behold ended up with his super new job at a Labour party affiliated organisation. Darren loves his new job so much, that for some reason he never seems to want to come back to NZ ever again.

And that is what electoral reform can give to you.

Nominated by: Cato