Once upon a time, a sad little man from Norfolk called Rickie, who’d tried really hard and failed at being a businessman, was given a computer. “Oh” thought he, “what could I use this for?” and he discovered blogs.

“This is wonderful” he thought because now he could tell the world all about the evils of cigarettes. So he found a blog and posted lots and lots of comments all about smoking. But the blog owner got pissed off with his endless rants and blocked him.

He tried a few more. They blocked him too. This pissed Rickie off greatly so he changed tactics. Then he found a blog run by a bloke called Dioclese. At first he was very restrained and praised Dio for his attitude to free speech, but he just couldn’t resist returning to his favourite hobby horse – smoking. Dio told him he should stick to the subject, but he took no notice.

It came to pass that a circle of bloggers Rickie had been annoying was formed and they shared information about him. It seemed Dio had got off light, because Rickie had lost the plot with many of the others, posting witty comments like “cunt cunt cunt” hundreds of times day! So the circle closed and they all blocked him.

And the circle were mightily pissed off and starting digging around. Seems Rickie was not so tricky and foolishly used his real name way back when.

Now Dio was admin on a blog called ISAC at the time so Rickie trolled it. It got many more readers than lots of the others, so Rickie could share his wisdom with nice big audience. But the circle closed again. Dio blocked him and displayed his name and address on the site. Rickie was furious!!! Now the whole world knew he really was a cunt!!! Not only that, they knew where he lived!

Then a brave terminally ill lady called Anna Raccoon discovered Rickie only lived just down the road so she popped in for a cup of tea and a deep meaningful chat. Anna confirmed that this really was Rickie the Troll and, from her experience working in mental health, confirmed he was a sociopath with deep feelings of inadequacy.

So in order to give him an outlet for his condition, Grandad set up a blog called “The Troll’s Lair” where some of his wittier comments were reproduced. Ironically, Rickie refused to troll it. Shame really.

So now Rickie hates Anna and Dio and Grandad even more and spends all his time trying to break through the block on ISAC so he can protest his innocence and tell everyone they’ve got the wrong man.

But they haven’t and he’s still an inadequate little cunt with sociopathic tendencies who’s failed in life and spends all his time pointlessly raging on the internet.

And the moral of this story? If you’re going to be a cunt, don’t use your real name.

Nominated by all the people he’s pissed off over the years!