I hereby call for an extreme cunting for selfish owners of both cats and dogs.
I’ve just walked out of my drive to discover about 3lbs of shit right in the path the driver side wheels of my car will take in the morning. Fucking cunts! The dog is a cunt anyway but so is the owner.
I’m telling you, given the amount, the dog would have been squatting there shaking for about ten fucking minutes whilst the owner spent every one of those minutes planning to deliberately fucking leave it there.
If I knew who it was I would smear it over their front door handle, letterbox, bin handles, gate handle, front doormat, car door handle, freshly delivered milk, you name it.
What the holy flying fuck is wrong with these people?
And as for cat owners, well, CUNTS. They dont even walk around with the animal even pretending like they are going to pick up the shit.
AND! The law is on their side! You can’t do anything about it without the PC brigade rolling out in force and prosecuting your ass. What the fuck?
There is no recourse through animal control. There is no recourse through the law. There is no recourse through polite conversation and request. When you’ve exhausted all options, do you know what the official line is? Adopt the cunting thing and pay for it to be nuetered!
Any other less fluffy animal what be classed legally as vermin, but not those cutey kitties.
Bastards.
Killing all the birds. Digging holes everywhere. Pissing and shitting all over everything. Keeping us all awake all night with that wierd orgy chorus of theirs.
FUCK EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM.
Of course, pet owners say that they are animals and its natural and what can anyone do?
Well, at the very least if they’re so fucking lovely then keep them indoors 24hours a day so you don’t miss a thing. And learn how much fun it is to live with their shit and piss.
And if you’re feeling generous, do us all a favour and get them euthanized.
Bastard cunts.

Nominated by Cuntflap

For some sordid and perverse reason whenever I use me browser YT is inundated with ads featuring the Eton Arse Boy above flogging poorly cut and made cheap tat retro clobber. Never knowingly done anything to attract such attention and cannot stop it happening despite installing latest ad blockers and ticking every opt oit box I can find. Bastard.

Been plunged into an orchid scented poof’s pansy paradise straight oit orf some cunt Merchant Ivory fillum, A Room With a View ect ect) where Sebastian is forever mooning over Jasper’s bum. This camp cunt above giving it the old come on is the archetypal Eton/Cambridge twisted tosser, its armpits and arse exuding delicate whiffs orf gardenia and musk. Take it up the arse my son, you’ll soon feel a lot better.
CLOSING CREDITS.

Noninated by Sir Limply Stoke

In light of the passing of Rodney Bewes, I would like to nominate obituaries for a severe cunting on this esteemed website. Not Bewes but the people who wrote the gushing and over-the-top tributes that have been all over the media.

I’m too young to remember The Likely Lads but I know my parents liked it. However, the last series ended in 1974 and the TV fillum was in 1975. The last time I recall seeing Bewes on the telly was in a bit-part opposite Peter Davison’s Dr Who. Far from being a ‘legend’ Bewes was clearly a has-been living on decades-old kudos and a feud with his old co-star. A bloke I used to work with in the early 90s said he had worked in the theatre and Bewes was a hopeless alky who they had to drag out of the pub in time for performances. I’m sure Sir Limply will be able to confirm or deny this story.

But no-one good dies anymore. Everyone is a ‘legend’ or ‘one of a kind.’ Look at the outpouring of grief about Prince and David Bowie last year. Both great musicians but both Prince hadn’t had a hit in yonks and Bowie’s last number was in 1983. Again, I’m not cunting either Prince or Bowie but the completely over-the-top reaction to their deaths in the media. I’m going to Mars when Queenie finally croaks.

How about getting a sense of fucking perspective? Yes, you can be sad when someone whose acting or music you liked dies but you didn’t know them and their passing will be zero impact on your life.

Nominated by Norman

A song from WWII by Vera Lynn? No the sound orf crazed fillies screaming in panic. Yes that old favourite PANIC once again hits the streets orf Blighty. The Chav crowds oit and enjoying a spot orf shoplifting and shirtlifting up West while fighting for a bargain are suddenly fighting for a safe space instead. Frightened fillies doing that annoying OMG hand flutter in front orf their gobs and being wrapped in space blankets while receiving counselling and blubbing into her mobile. Can’t beat a filly for multi-tasking. Plod with laser sight H&K MP5s filmed putting the red dot orn each other. Social cunts handing oit bottles orf water. TV reporters asking “wadda ya see..wadda ya see”. Same response “Ahm runnin’ ‘cos every other fucker’s runnin’ innit”.

In truth the cunts don’t know why they are running, it’s another new social phenomenon like flash mobs and fake news. It’s a panic innit. I would love to have put these bollock deficient snowflake cunts up in the East End during the Blitz. Give ’em a spot orf blast that turns the old lungs inside oit or a nice firestorm followed up by phosphorus shower. Feel the earth move me dahlings? Only an 1800kg bomb from a Heinkel. Remember the sound orf those engines for next time.

Turns oit a spot orf fisticuffs between two orf da black yoot kicked it orf. Bugger me, who needs ISIS to inspire the end orf human civilization when all you need is a Twatter account and chavs with mobiles.

Nominated by Sir Limply Stoke

I want to Cunt the parents who go on Social Media to complain that their child has not been invited to a birthday party or some such thing. The reason that your child wasn’t invited was because the child is unpopular with it’s peers.
It’s no good whinging about Autism,ADHD etc. (and how real these actual conditions are is debatable). If the other children don’t like the brat,why should they have to have them at their party? In fact,it might get through to the “shunned” child that their behaviour is unacceptable and they should fucking well learn to live like a decently raised child,and not like some spoiled brat.
The parents do their “special little man” no favours by letting it think that everyone else is in the wrong for not including it. I wouldn’t invite some Spacca to any do that I was having,they’d just spoil it for the normal people. Children would do well to learn early that acting like a Monga might impress those daft enough to swallow it,but the real world won’t be so easily fooled.

These children aren’t “Special”,they’re just badly raised. The “Care-givers” should accept this and toughen up their attitude to the spoiled brats.A bit of tough love would do them the world of good.

Fuck them.

Nominated by Dick Fiddler