Mobile phone video filmers are Cunts.

I mean the Cunts whose first thought on witnessing a mugging is to video it. No thought of perhaps going to anyone’s aid,just take a video to upload to their facebook account apparently,in the hope of lots of “likes”. Then there’s the car crash filmers who slow down to film some dunch and cause endless tailbacks. Then there’s the sad wankers at sporting events or music concerts who spent their time waving their phone about taking shit footage that nobody will ever be interested in. Then there’s the Cunts who take random clips while on their holidays and think that anyone else wants to watch wobbly shots of their equally wobbly fat wife going down some waterslide…my God,I could even see grey hairs poking out of he swimsuit gusset..nasty,nasty stuff.

Nobody wants to see home video recordings of fucking anything…

Nominated by Dick Fiddler

Have only just realised that I would like to nominate the stupid sport of tennis. This is after accidentally switching on to the French Open Roland Garros.

Two guys each standing on their respective base lines and each making a stupid loud grunting noise every time they hit the sodding ball. Incredibly tedious, boring and fucking irritating. Shut up for fucks sake, especially you Nadal. Funny looking Spanish cunt.

Hate the muscly and unfeminine Williams sisters, on this point why the fuck do the women demand equal prize money when they only play the best of three sets compared to the men’s five best of five sets? Potentially 60% of the effort so 60^ of the men’s prize money? Particularly hate the smug Swiss cunt Federer who by the way earns about £60m every year.

Hate the “Ohh I say” and strawberries and cream at £10 a pop bollocks, silly dress code, stupid women’s outfits, the stupid hats and compulsory sunglasses, twattish commentators and the general elitist element of the sport.

I even hate the stupid scoring system used. 15 to 30 to 40, then deuce? Arseholes.

Finals day the camera will be just as much on the celebrities (or royal fucking spongers watching in the crowd) as it will be on the cunts playing, and especially on the wife/girlfriend every few minutes or so for her predictable reactions.

Far to say that apart from the occasional nice bit of totty playing in a very short skirt I hate pretty much everything about the stupid poncy game and the cunts that play it, wouldn’t bother going even if you paid me.

Filled with dread with the thought of Wimbledon fortnight coming up soon, perhaps I will take the opportunity to commit harakiri.

Nominated by Willie Stroker

What the fuck is it with all these old cunts offing themselves? Jayzus, Joseph and Mary. I had to sledge back a cup of Suicide News after Kate Spade and now that canny cunt and restaurateur Bourdain is gone. Proof that you never get too old to feel around for a noose.

But what the Fuck? You’re, old rich and successful and that is reason enough to bite the cyanide? Fucking pricks these days have no stamina. Everything and nothing. It started with Robin Williams and now it’s a fucking trend. Every time I drive through the Robin Williams tunnel I have to worry I’ve got early onset dementia. Lets not build a monument to every cunt that hangs themselves, even if they’re a fucking funny cunt.

I’ve had to deal with a stroke that paralysed me at the age of 31. Fought my fucking way back, largely due to training as a model and a journalist and I’m not going to boohoo #metoo, Fought Addiction, (Haw, Haw, it’s never addiction if you’re not drinking alone) and generally steppin’ on sticky shit as I pass through the house with five kids on soda and do I want to open throat the pill bottle? No.

So what is going through these cunt’s heads? They’re leaving teenagers to flail around and carry deep-seated trauma throughout their lives instead of manning the fuck up and dealing with the life changes that accompany getting older. Cunts.

Nominated by CallAngel

(I apologise the Admins if this is overly short but my spleen is about to rupture over the shit below and black bile is a cunt to get out of a keyboard.)

In an effort to be more inclusive and diverse, Google have removed the eggs from a salad emoji to make it a more “inclusive vegan salad”.

I shit you not – click here

The world has gone fucking nuts!!!

Nominated by Thirkleby Spunktrumpet