Fellow cunters, just to warn you that you only have until 5pm, Friday 25th September to preregister for your tickets for Glastonbury 2027.
I’m sure you all missed the event of the year tremendously, and are looking forward to attending next year at a mere £408 (+ postage ) per person.
Your ticket price includes use of the designated camping areas, so you can buy a cheap tent from Lidl and leave it behind, as usual, for someone else to dispose of, along with all the rest of your rubbish, as usual.
However, campers and caravans will incur an additional charge of between £225 and £300 depending on size. Book early to avoid disappointment, spaces are limited.
Oh, the anticipation and excitement!
Who will perform? Who will headline?
Will you have heard of them, ever?
Will Hollow Wobbletits and Clairol Voldemort make their usual pilgrimage to worship at the alter of celebrity?
I can hardly wait…for the inevitable sad tale of how some muppets with more money than sense got ripped off!
Nominated by : Jeezum Priest
There’s not a single person at ‘Glasto’ who isn’t a nuclear level twat.
If they got 80’s W.A.S.P or a reincarnated G.G Allin to perform, it could be fantastic.
Ed Sheeran could finally be entertaining if all his current (self-inflicted) troubles got the better of him and he topped himself live on stage with a stanley knife, the arterial spray fountaining over the stage security and showering the first couple of rows of pretentious wankers.
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I am thinking of setting up a touring Glastonbury style flea circus to provide people who miss the real thing to be able to see minute impersonations of Bob Geddoff, Boner, and that cunt of undisclosed gender off the BBC enjoying the hospitality. Meanwhile tiny middle class fleas will mong about taking drugs and wank themselves off in front of a plywood pyramid.
Good morning, everyone.
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Please reserve me 2 tickets, Twenty.
👌🏿
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Hi Sam, the circus will be visiting Sidcup Leisure Centre on 27 October 2027, I have reserved you two seats close to the squash courts. The interest is considerable owing largely to the death of the music hall.
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Appreciated, Twenty.
Sadly, unable to make that date as I`m re-stringing my harp.
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https://youtube.com/shorts/rLtLJB-tNkU?is=-UNly0izG96t2692
Jim nails it.
nuff said.
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Rather shit myself on a tube train in rush hour than attend this clusterfuck of bollocks
I’m not an illegal either.
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I suspect it’s been done before BB.
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Hey arfurbrain certainly had on some of my trains back in the day on the Met line. That was back in early 80’s if someone shit in a car or spewed you went out of service. Easy time.
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errmmmm thats happened to me. Every second was a lifetime.
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ive been to Glastonbury festival as a youth.
never paid to get in.
hitchhiked there an back.
full of twats.
I couldn’t imagine how bad it is now.
back then any celeb twat would have been pelted with mud and cow shit.
bomb it.
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That was nice of you to volunteer to drive us to Wacken 2027 in your van, MNC.
Quite a trip from Northumberland to Germany, especially with the cost of diesel.
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Careful Thomas.
He only offered to get us there, Not back again.
Mind you, with your gentlemanly handlebar moustache and my haggard good looks, we will probably end up being kidnapped by a couple of German metalfraus and held as sex slaves in their liebe kerker. 😁
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“Oh no”!
They’ll adore me anyway, being half-Kraut.
Don’t fancy your chances, mind.
Unlike myself, you’ll probably not enjoy wearing studded leather lederhosen.
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Are the studs on the inside or the outside?
Asking for a friend. 😁
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Reminds me Odin when I was flown up to Aberdeen at very short notice for an urgent job. It didn’t occur to the twats in the office to book me a return flight. OK in the end though, I came back on the flight deck of a Dash 8. Info for the misogynists reading, first officer was a woman, Eunice.
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That old upside-down headed cunt Michael Eavis clearly hasn’t made enough cash from this annual wankfest of washed-up “stars”.
That said, I think the old cunt has now handed the baton to his bulb-headed daughter with the prominent teeth.
Fuck off.
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“Sir” to us plebs 🤣🤣🤣
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Eavis & Bulbhead maybe Paul?
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Where the trash is now on the stage, as well as the arena.
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He looks too much like Gary Glitter for my liking
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I wonder what marvelous work of art the mysterious anti establishment Banksy is working on that will be unveiled at next years festival.
It’ll no doubt be something edgy like his previous efforts.
Such as the union flag stab vest as worn by national treasure Stormzy or the dinghy full of hairy arsed fellas fleeing war torn Albania and Algeria.
I can’t wait.
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make half the site for the thousands of enrichers 🙃…that should test the resolve of Tarquin and Tasha’s love in with the ‘ok yah, asylum seekers welcome here’ diarrhea 💩…’oh look tash capaldi is on next’ …’she is busy nah bro, come back later after de udders have used de meat’ …. bargain
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All us IAC’ers should club together and buy as many tickets as we can and donate them to future engineers and doctors. Would love to see how that turned out. Somehow, I expect the good old beeb would keep very quiet about it.
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There would be a tremendous irony should an illegal with a hissing backpack randomly detonate at Glastonbury.
Another fact that appears lost on these dimwitted cunts is that the Palestinians they claim to love so deeply, targeted an actual music festival in Israel not too long ago.
Question for Jemima and Arabella –
Did you know that quite a large number of Peacefuls actually hate music in all its forms and don’t even believe that a woman’s voice should even be heard in public?
No?? Thought not.
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I gather there was no music at Glasteau this year.
So just like every other year.
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The should combine the Notting Hill shit fest with ‘Glasto’, nice big fences to keep them all inside and let the carnage commence.
Free free Palestine and Death to the IDF, what a bunch of absolute cunts!
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Great idea, with the big fences, however, with the lot who attend the Notting Hill festival, they should be kept inside the big fences for a minimum of 25 years to make the streets of London safe once more.
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That cunt Mackleflid will be guest of honour
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On run on eco friendly cow shit and tofu farts?
Of course it is.
Just like the completely recyclable tons of rubbish left behind by the middle class wankérs that attend.
Hopefully at the next one an obscure Afrikan “artist” can cause a rampant wave of Ebola to rip through the entire rabble of designer cunts.
Also,Oven.
Good morning.
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“Only run on”….dear me this telephone is as much use as that shrivelled headed twát Bonio.
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cunts paying all that dollar and standing there watching it via their phone screeen while recording it and simultaneously blocking the view of the cunts behind.
wankers
12
I can never see the attraction of listening to over-amplified beat combos in a muddy field, having to use communal portable lavatories and finding dead politcians in them who have overdosed. I can’t imagine Noel Coward in his smoking jacket at Glastonbury,and you won’t see mine there either. I dress like Alexsaber the Meerkat at home.
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Quite right, WC. Of course, other natty gentleman ‘at home’ dressers included Dennis Wheatley, Aleister Crowley and Messers Flanders and Swann.
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I have the perfect place to enjoy decent music and much cheaper, for a whole season at the Proms, sat by the fountain or on the rail, at the same cost of one day and at the risk of being killed at this load of shite.
9
Since the illegal dinghy rats get everything for free so why not some Glastonbury tickets? It would make the 2016 New Years Eve sex attacks in Cologne look like a bit of hand holding.
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The Eavis family’s net worth is estimated at £400 million.
But it’s not enough. The Amish-bearded champagne socialist cunt wants to make it a billion.
So hand over your loot Cosmo and Tilly, you selfie-seeking pricks.
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The irony of this is that Eavis is a life long Leftard.
Labour are now going to take 40% of his wealth off his equally leftarded daughter when he throws a 7.
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I doubt it Odin.
I imagine it’s all safely tucked away in a Family Trust.
4
I’ve known various people, mainly through work, who go to this every year, or try to. Middle aged people. I was once told about how they all have their laptops setup ready for the big release, and keep hitting the keys to secure one of the golden tickets.
I really cannot fathom why anybody would want to go to it, unless they are being paid. Muddy fields, over flowing bogs, horrible garbage music, tens of thousands of inane fuckwits. I’d need to be paid at least a few grand and wouldn’t leave my tent or remove my earphones.
I was going to suggest that getting laid might at least be on the cards, but considering the number of drugged, far left cretins there, I’d risk later being accused… of having monkey pox.
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You seriously would want to get laid at a festival.
Minge that hasn’t seen soap and water for three days tends to smell like the bins in Billingsgate.
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Just napalm the shitshow, job done. Cunts.
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How the cunts pronounce it ‘Glastonbre’ boils my fucking piss as well. Said it as it should announced at work years ago, and this music wanker looked at me gone out (by music wanker, I mean those arseholes who think there’s only them who know anything about music and bands). All I wish on Glastonbury next year is a joint outbreak of the shuts and whooping cough. With the camp also housing illegal immo’s.
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Pronounced not announced. Shits not shuts.
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Went many years ago, ( late 70’s) climbed over the fence.
Never bothered again..
I grew up..!
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Free Danny Tomo!
political prisoner 🇬🇧
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He must be the only person ever to have been remanded in custody for alleged criminal damage.
Political interference?
Also who is the owner of the ‘damaged’ dingy? Has he/she already provided a victim’s statement?
All a load of wanky old piss.
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Absolutely 100% he is a political prisoner Mis and a victim of our two tier justice as surely as was Lucy Connolly. Just read this stuff but I’d advise not before your lunch has gone down.
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cmwyzrrnn015o
Remarkable how the beneficiaries of this treatment seem always to be our melanin enhanced brethren.
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Hang it until dead. Then leave in a gibbet. Sick fucker.
5
Emily Eavis can stick her tickets up her arse
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I’m betting now that Primrose Hill drill rapper enrichment victim Finbar Sullivan’s father will be there waving his lighter along to a Free Palestine wanker like Billy Bragg doing Don’t Look Back In Anger. While his wife is being raped behind the portaloos by a group of Muzzles spitting in her face and shouting their Kerrang verses at her.
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Billy Brag is worthy of his own cunting. I loathe the fucker. Goes on and on about immos and left wing shite and how he’s a Londoner, but fucked off to Dorset at the first opportunity. Not many darkies down there although they seem to be creeping in there also.
2
Before this shite kicks off, they should bury a large reenforced net underground and lift it ever over ocean and wait for the large splash followed by the only applause they deserve.
5
Ignore the above.
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Before this shite kicks off, they should bury a large reenforced net underground and lift it over the ocean and wait for the large splash followed by the only applause they deserve.
4
I had a dream it went like this, blue sky few little puffy clouds looking down on Glasto or whatever the with it name is. Massive crowds, suddenly all the active speakers begin playing the dam busters march, behold a low rumbling roar approaches, from out of the sun appears a flight of ww2 bomber aircraft. Their bomb bay doors open in unison x thousand litres of liquified pig shit rain down on the festival. Their bomb doors close they fly off into the blue yonder. Job done, back in time for tea and crumpets what. If I was at Cambridge I’d get a Masters for this bit of prose
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You are Jason Arday speaking from beyond the grave and I claim my £10.
2
I had a dream it went like this, blue sky few little puffy clouds looking down on Glasto or whatever the with it name is. Massive crowds, suddenly all the active speakers begin playing the dam busters march, behold a low rumbling roar approaches, from out of the sun appears a flight of ww2 bomber aircraft. Their bomb bay doors open in unison x thousand litres of liquified pig shit rain down on the festival. Their bomb doors close they fly off into the blue yonder. Job done, back in time for tea and crumpets what. If I was at Cambridge I’d get a Masters for that bit of prose
4
Dual post one of the dogs hid my glasses
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Rumours going round on X that Jason & the whoppers are the headline act on Sunday… possible inklings of a new album ‘you ain’t heard the best one yet’
on the pinocchio label 🤥
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I like that film Jason and the Ardaynauts.
He defeated that bronze giant Talos single-handed, you know.
And all them skellingtons too.
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Then, in the far-fetched sequel, became a Cambridge professor.
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On thr subject of that Arday cunt, we have a new treeswinger patient at our kidney unit.
He makes Arday look like a novice when it comes to bullshit.
These are among his gems so far…
His dad is as rich as fuck, and has a luxury flat in Chelsea.
His old man also is big in African politics.
Who also stops revolutions in Nigeria.
His uncle owns a game reserse/safari estate.
He got a taxit to London for 300 quid last week
And yet, when the cunt gave his word to put in a fiver for the recent World Cup draw, he was given two teams. But the lady who organised the draw is still waiting for this black cunt’s money. Rich as fuck , eh?
Dishonest spear chucking cunt.
4
That cunt may be a good way to test reincarnation.
Check headlines across the globe covering the past couple of months .. see if there have been any newborns reported bench-pressing 200KG’s or designing new jet engines or similar.
8
I honestly can’t understand why people would want to travel to the West Country, when, for half the price they could be sitting in the second row** of the audience at the Steaming Pussycat Strip Club, which, as you know is in the heart of Soho.
Amongst our coming attractions, we have the Mistress of Burlesque, the first lady of British striptease, and the Queen of bump n’grind – the one and only fiesty Miss Emily Thornberry:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z_KQathvG1Y
** Don’t use the front row. Magnificent as the old darling is, she is inclined to fart quite a bit when she’s shaking it about these days,and rubber knickers makes the pong worse.
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Today’s top tip, W.C.
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