Cats, annoying furry cunts need a cunting.
Spend a bastard fortune on their favourite treats for them to then start giving it “I don’t like it” like the guy in a wheelchair off Little Britain.
Buy em a scratching post, yeah they use it then decide the furniture or bed needs to be a scratching post.
Lie in, like fuck they descend purring and demanding feeding like illegal gimmegrants arriving in Portsmouth. Get fed then disappear as fast as said illegal folk avoiding the Home Office.
Carry on I’ll be donating them as fast food for some dodgy dingy wallahs fast food emporium.
New Scientist (Link provided by Unkle Terry)
Nominated by : Paul Goddard
Cats make their own highways.
In my case it’s over one wall, through my terrace, stopping off for a shit in the gravel near a palm tree, and then off over another wall.
The dirty fuckers.
I don’t mind them as Mrs Cunter looks after the plants and clears up their crap.
She would happily brick the cunts.
They know that and leg it if they see her.
Good morning.
3
I much prefer a cat to a dog. The New Scientist says it all. Then where is the problem. Is it their independence ?
3
Unlike Sammy dogs are infinitely preferable.
A couple of doors away they have 5 cats. They shit in our garden , the dogs roll in it and stink. The cunts kill the birds nesting in the garden, who we watch grow up.
Great cunting.
Good Morning.
4
Cats are the evil geniuses of the animal world.
They’ve had humans figured out for millennia. Who else would be thick enough to house, feed and care for them, for so little in return?
Just hope they never develop opposable thumbs. We’d all be dead meat in days.
It’s not zombies we need to fear come the Apocalypse, it’s cats with thumbs!
3
If dogs are a manual gearbox then cats are an auto. A manual gearbox is more involving but an auto, when you get used to it, does have its own style.
3
I’m usually neither for or against cats.
Fairly ambivalent.
But seeing some of the ‘against’ comments here has got me thinking.
Unsociable, shitting where they shouldn’t, leaving an unpleasant odour, offering nothing in return for the food and comfort they are provided.
Sounds very much like they are four legged park keys.
In future, I will be very suspicious if I see one near a playground.
3
And like park keys, they hate being washed.
1
I love cats but Lady G takes it to a whole new level. The house and car are festooned with photos of cats, stickers depicting cats and models of cats.
I recently asked her why she has so many ‘ Crazy Cat Lady’ stickers on the car . Her reply was ‘I don’t want people to think that I’m not’.
3
PS we currently have eight of the furry buggers
2
Paulette Goddard the film actress is your nemesis and more like an independent fiercely cat.
1
One of my neighbours killed a cat with a baseball bat when he caught it shitting in his garden for the umpteenth time. Someone who witnessed it reported him to the RSPCA and they’re going to prosecute him.
He’s asked for 8 other offences to be taken into consideration.
1
Another visitor to Casa Cunter was a seagull that decided to live on a ledge high up on the wall.
I liked him.
I named him Gonzalo (Gaviota Gonzalo)
Gonzo would sit on his piss poor nest and watch whatever I was doing in the garden.
Mrs Cunter hated Gonzo because he shat down the wall.
She fucked him off a number of times using a hosepipe.
He would always come back, rebuilding his nest which was nothing more than a few twigs.
The useless cunt.
One day I came home to feathers scattered all over the terrace.
The fucking cats had got at my friend!
DEP Gonzo.
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