Cats, annoying furry cunts need a cunting.
Spend a bastard fortune on their favourite treats for them to then start giving it “I don’t like it” like the guy in a wheelchair off Little Britain.
Buy em a scratching post, yeah they use it then decide the furniture or bed needs to be a scratching post.
Lie in, like fuck they descend purring and demanding feeding like illegal gimmegrants arriving in Portsmouth. Get fed then disappear as fast as said illegal folk avoiding the Home Office.
Carry on I’ll be donating them as fast food for some dodgy dingy wallahs fast food emporium.
New Scientist (Link provided by Unkle Terry)
Nominated by : Paul Goddard
Cats make their own highways.
In my case it’s over one wall, through my terrace, stopping off for a shit in the gravel near a palm tree, and then off over another wall.
The dirty fuckers.
I don’t mind them as Mrs Cunter looks after the plants and clears up their crap.
She would happily brick the cunts.
They know that and leg it if they see her.
Good morning.
12
I much prefer a cat to a dog. The New Scientist says it all. Then where is the problem. Is it their independence ?
11
Unlike Sammy dogs are infinitely preferable.
A couple of doors away they have 5 cats. They shit in our garden , the dogs roll in it and stink. The cunts kill the birds nesting in the garden, who we watch grow up.
Great cunting.
Good Morning.
15
Agreed, There’s nothing worse than mowing the lawn and getting hit by the smell of Flymo-d cat shit, knowing that by the time the smell hit you that you’d already walked through it as well.
I have a catapult and a bag of Mint Imperials handy by the (County Cream) patio doors to protect both my shoes and the garden birds.
I hate the smell of cat shit in the mowing, as Robert Duvall could have said in Apocatlypse Miaow.
7
Cats are the evil geniuses of the animal world.
They’ve had humans figured out for millennia. Who else would be thick enough to house, feed and care for them, for so little in return?
Just hope they never develop opposable thumbs. We’d all be dead meat in days.
It’s not zombies we need to fear come the Apocalypse, it’s cats with thumbs!
16
If dogs are a manual gearbox then cats are an auto. A manual gearbox is more involving but an auto, when you get used to it, does have its own style.
10
I’m usually neither for or against cats.
Fairly ambivalent.
But seeing some of the ‘against’ comments here has got me thinking.
Unsociable, shitting where they shouldn’t, leaving an unpleasant odour, offering nothing in return for the food and comfort they are provided.
Sounds very much like they are four legged park keys.
In future, I will be very suspicious if I see one near a playground.
13
And like park keys, they hate being washed.
10
And they don’t like dogs.
15
It makes you wonder how wild animals perceive each other.
Here’s a heart warming tale.
A blind skunk and a blind elephant bump into each other and fall into conversation.
‘I wish I knew what I was, but I’ve never seen my reflection’ said the elephant.
‘Same here’ said the skunk. ‘I know what. Let’s feel each other and see if we can work it out’
Agreed, the skunk went first.
‘You’ve got massive feet, big floppy ears and a long trunk. You’re an elephant!’
‘Thanks’, said the elephant. ‘What about me’, said the skunk.
‘Well’ said the elephant. ‘You’ve got really thick greasy hair and you fucking stink’.
‘You’re a park key!’
I’ll get me coat.
14
I love cats but Lady G takes it to a whole new level. The house and car are festooned with photos of cats, stickers depicting cats and models of cats.
I recently asked her why she has so many ‘ Crazy Cat Lady’ stickers on the car . Her reply was ‘I don’t want people to think that I’m not’.
13
PS we currently have eight of the furry buggers
13
Paulette Goddard the film actress is your nemesis and more like an independent fiercely cat.
6
One of my neighbours killed a cat with a baseball bat when he caught it shitting in his garden for the umpteenth time. Someone who witnessed it reported him to the RSPCA and they’re going to prosecute him.
He’s asked for 8 other offences to be taken into consideration.
8
In court the baseball bat will be his nemesis Geordie. In this country they are only owned as a weapon.
8
I know arfur.
I told him he should have used a scimitar and he’d be found not guilty on the grounds that he was performing an act of ritual slaughter which is perfectly permissible in Britanistan.
Unfortunately he doesn’t have one.
7
Another visitor to Casa Cunter was a seagull that decided to live on a ledge high up on the wall.
I liked him.
I named him Gonzalo (Gaviota Gonzalo)
Gonzo would sit on his piss poor nest and watch whatever I was doing in the garden.
Mrs Cunter hated Gonzo because he shat down the wall.
She fucked him off a number of times using a hosepipe.
He would always come back, rebuilding his nest which was nothing more than a few twigs.
The useless cunt.
One day I came home to feathers scattered all over the terrace.
The fucking cats had got at my friend!
DEP Gonzo.
8
People reported seeing rats the size of cats in Birmingham during the bin strike.
At least the Chinkee takeaways were better.
7
Having grown up with cats, I really don’t mind them.
Unfortunately I live in London, so massive guarding breed dogs are now a necessity and I have grown to prefer their daft loyalty over the sneaky aloofness of a moggy.
Dogs are very much man’s best friend. Cats are very much like teenagers. They sleep for 16 hours a day and treat the people who feed them with utter contempt.
11
I don’t know many teenagers who can like their own arsehole though Odin.
Talk out it yes, but lick it, no.
5
Obviously that should have been ‘lick their own arsehole’.
5
@geordie…think like was perfectly acceptable I’d assume most of Westminster do ..✊
6
Yes Gelderd, on reflection I think ‘like’ is correct.
5
We had a neighbour’s cat that used to keep crapping in our garden, the Mrs went to talk to them (she’s nicer than me) and they asked what are we supposed to do about it, its a lock down cat. I mean a fucking lock down cat (did the cat know all about Covid). Mind you they are smelly pakis. The shitting continued for ages until I started to return the shit through the letterbox. For some reason it stopped after that.
9
Not for me, give me a dawg any day…if I’m feeding a pet I want something in return, don’t I love 😩…
8
In our local park there is a large pack of cats.
The council came along to kill them all but some daft residents stopped them.
Now they have their own stinking corner of the park all to themselves.
One night I was walking through the park and there were police cars everywhere.
One policeman asked if I had heard a woman screaming.
I told him that I hadn’t, but it was probably one of the fucking cats making the noise that they sometimes do.
I took him and a few of his colleagues along to the cat’s corner.
The problem is that the soppy holiday makers leave out containers of food and water for the cats.
But they never take away the containers once they are used.
That has attracted huge fucking rats.
I’m glad that I don’t live too close.
9
I’ve had numerous cats over the years, but I’ve always kept them indoors because I’d rather hear a thrush singing than be presented with a bundle of blood and feathers.
If only they could be trained to hunt rats, exclusively.
10
I’m firmly in the dog camp.
but dont mind cats.
Never get a guide cat do you?
because a guide cat wouldn’t give a fuck if Stevie Wonder gets run over crossing the road.
a cat would find it funny.
cats dont smell out explosives or drugs at airports.
more likely to smuggle them than sniff them out.
they can’t heard sheep,
they won’t warn you if you’re about to have a seizure.
cats are unemployable.
14
Hate Kids
Like Dogs
Love Cats
14
I have quite a fondness for a pussy..
Did you know that tortoiseshell cats are all female.
11
Missus Miserable wants another cat once my beloved akita passes.
I don’t.
oh I’ve nothing against them,
just don’t want one.
weve had them before,
addicted to dreamies,
scrapping with other cats,
bringing dead shit home.
id have to stop feeding the birds .
I have robins, bluetits that nest every year,sparrows, etc.
our last cat was a bengal,
It’d come on walks with me and the dog .
people would laugh,
big bloke, big dog, little cat swaggering along with us.
9
I have six and the trick is you have to get them right from the start to have any chance of conditioning them to do what you want.
Rather like the Muzz commoon-i-ee does with its boys. Only even cats realise that bombing things and raping women and girls is a bit too far.
6
Reminds me of this excellent feature film from back when the BBC was still capable of producing such work. An adaptation of a JG Ballard story. Go to 34:40 and you will see a man who has captured a neighbour’s cat and then eats it for his dinner. Then go to 38:40 and you can enjoy the conversation with his neighbour whose cat it was. 🤣
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fyu8uBs9l0c
Worth watching the whole thing.
4
had a cat….it was a cunt.
Now got two dogs and no cat…and they’re cunts as well.
morning.
6
What about putting big cats ” lions” in illegal dinghy rat camps…!
8
The difference between cats and illegal immigrants are that the moggies didn’t go over to France to get her on a boat and destroy all their paperwork, and Felix is unlikely to rape your thirteen year old dfaughter. Cats are also keen on washing themselves.
10
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8
You need a new hobby Sam.
Trainspotting or something.
8
Self sustaining rural cats employed to keep mice away from houses are fine, the type that would turn its nose up at a bowl of supposed cat food knowing it can dine on mice, rabbit and other things whenever it wants.
People who keep cats indoors and have a house stinking of car piss need psychiatric help.
5
I like both. I’d have a cat if it wasn’t for my Jack Russell’s attitude towards them.
4
If I just casually let my dogs out to wander anywhere they desired, shitting in the neighbour’s gardens and killing variot indigenous British wildlife just for the sheer hell of it, then I would probably expect a complaint or two.
Irresponsible cat owners (of which there are many) are generally just lazy idle bastards who think they’re great pet owners.
If it wasn’t for middle aged women, fat slobs, Peacefuls and homosexual men, then we’d probably see a welcome and sizable reduction in the numbers of these unnecessary creatures in the country.
Keep the things indoors, or euthanize.
Good morning
4
I would like to emphasize that my diatribe is aimed specifically at irresponsible cat owners and not at any of the ISAC faithful who may very well be the most responsible of pussy enthusiasts.
5
Spot on. They are a pain in the arse.
3
Cats were worshipped as gods by the Egyptians and they never forgot it. Their owners are weird and very thin skinned. When you suggest they little Tibs should be eating mouse or fat flavoured food they go nuts, they feed them salmon and tuna, like a cat is going to swim and catch one of them!
The reason the country is overrun with rats and mice is because cats who are only here to eat the damn things are actually bought food by their owners, and become too fat and lazy to actually catch the food they are meant to.
2