Cunts who buy Pineapples.

I don’t mind a little bit of pineapple in tinned fruit cocktail but some Cunts apparently eat it with gammon…how fucking revolting, an egg is the only thing that goes with gammon certainly not fruit…nobody would have beef and strawberry or chicken and raspberry, so why the fuck have gammon and pineapple?…

As for the drug addict/ Council Estate types who spend their benefits on a “pizza “with pineapple..well,nthey should be sterilised and confined to their dreadful bedsits before being gassed by Rentokill.

Anyone who buys a whole pineapple is probably a rampaging Gay who stuffs it up his arse before getting in his pink hairdresser’s jeep and driving too quickly repeatedly over speed-bumps while listening to the music of The Communards.

Nominated by: Dick Foxchaser-Fiddler

(Clearly you’re suffering from PTSD – Pineapple Traumatic Stress Disorder – Day Admin)

88 thoughts on “Pineapples

  1. Never liked pineapple. The gammon thing is an utter sin.
    As you say, it’s eggs with gammon, plus chips and baked beans.
    Bread and butter.
    Mug of tea.
    Good morning, Great White Guinea Fowl Hunter 😁

  2. Apparently if a male drinks a lot of pineapple juice, it makes his muck taste sweet for his obliging lady friend.

    Never tried it, so cannot comment on the veracity of this little factoid.

    • Pineapples used to be a sign of wealth in the UK.
      Only the toffs could afford them.
      Why you get stone pineapple corbels on gateposts or wooden pineapples carved on lavish furniture.

      Likes of us ? we had to carve fake ones from turnips!

      Miserables boring and pointless book of facts

      • I’m so toffish that my gateposts are actually 12 foot high pineapples carved out of Italian marble.

      • When sugar first came into England, people ate so much of the stuff that their teeth turned black, it became a sign of wealth – to have shit teeth, so poor people who could not afford sugar would colour their teeth black with various substances to pass themselves off as sugar consumers. It was the Kardashian arse of the day.

      • Pray tell WTF this as to do with pineapples?? The state of my teef? I must be minted!! Extra strong mints…..

      • A pineapple on display in your front yard or window is a declaration that you are a swinger and is an invitation to other swingers to visit.

      • Army wives used to put a pkt of omo washing powder in their kitchen windows on the army base, OLD MANS OUT

  3. I am sure Dick has given the q ueer peers, Mandy and Adonis a good idea for the weekend – organic butt plugs.

  4. Anyone who likes pineapples should be made to pay an increased amount of tax, to subsidise normal people. Any of them refuse should be executed without a trial.
    They will soon alter their ways.

  5. Ps
    Ive had it on gammon and weirdly its worked.
    But yes, eggs for me.

    Fruits not to be trusted.

  6. Grapefruit is the worst thing ( worse than red meat and alcohol) if you get gout. Don’t know about pineapple.

  7. The pineapple certainly has gay connotations. The Pina Colada is surely the drink of choice for a raving iron.

  8. Michael Barrymore likes pineapples, he has predelictions for them at his pool partys, only the rough end , and fat reg likes the whole tree up his well used hoop, roots and all…allegedly

  9. Prince Andrew prefers unripe mangoes.

    I’m off down to the fancy-dress shop today….Prince Andrew has relinquished a bunch of military titles and as they’re up for grabs I think I’ll promote myself to Brigadier General Fiddler….out of respect to real Veterans, I’ll forego the many medals…I’ll just have one… one the size of a fucking frying-pan.

    Walts look out…you have a new Commander.

  10. So hows he to be addressed now?
    Bet he’s gutted!
    Hehehe 😀

    Plain old Andy,
    Registered sex offender

      • The worst aspect of the Porchester-Windsor debacle is that one newspaper is suggesting that he could do a lot worse than remarry the Muchess of Pork.
        I raise a bucket of cold sick to the happy couple. They deserve each other.

  11. I love pineapple juice but fresh cut up pineapple is fucked causes my gums to bleed every damn time if I eat more than a handfuls worth btw what the fuck is gammon?!

      • I don’t hear that term for pork leg here but it sounded familiar. Always got a new assortment of alcohol to drink as I don’t drink that often

        Got a new port wine recently its called Caribou Its alot like dubonnet to compare it to something as I’m sure you had that before. Its pretty damn decent actually would recommend its like a slightly sweeter but stronger version of it also got a new ale to try its called far out IPA in the fridge

        How about you what you drinking?! Any new favourites or just the usual Guinness Sir Fiddler

  12. Eggs on gammon and steak is vile but I hate huge great ugly lumps of animal flesh on my plate anyway.

    Gammon is horrible anyway so I will take the Pineapple and leave the dead pig / horse / donkey / chav

  13. It’s a shit fruit fit for stranded sailors and dark key cannibals looking to adopt a healthier lifestyle.
    Ban it.

  14. In the ruins of Pompeii is a mosaic of fruit including a pineapple. Pompeii was supposedly buried by volcanic ash in AD79. Pineapples are from South America and were not discovered and brought to Europe until the 17th century. All our taught history is faked up rubbish. Just saying.

  15. Never eat pineapple if you’ve got a mouth ulcer, it will take a week to scrape you off the ceiling.
    I like pineapple juice, with lots of ice and a good slug of white rum. Very refreshing on a hot day.

  16. Well i have seen it all now, i can only assume this works for our more shaded cousins, you no who i mean, the ones who are hyper sensitive to anything what so ever that can miss construed into being a waaaysist comment, or in some way put them into an ethnic group thats also waaaaaysist.
    Then you have the BLM cunts, the stabbings/ muggings, gangs, the stupid dress sense, giant clocks around the necks, Mr T style jewellery and now pineapple hair cunts i mean cuts.
    Yes im sure its only a minority of cunts who do shit like this, but that minority are tarring the others with the same brush so to speak, so when i say they are fair game for taking the piss out of, i mean cunts with pineapple hair cuts ect, it has nothing to do with the rest and there nothing waaaayssit about taking the piss out of someone who looks like a fucking pineapple, especially if they did it to themselves by choice…..dumb ass cunts

    • To be fair I first thought this was a nom about that dark key warbler Heather Small.

      Waaaaaaannnnnnn nighhhhtttttt

      Waaaaaaannnnnnn niiggggghhhhhhttt

      iiiinnnnn heaeaveveveveennnnn

      • In the 1990s, Jason Lee and Heather Small were the same person. He/she would dart from the Top of the Pops studio up to Nottingham, run on the pitch and blast the ball over the bar. One time, Heather forgot to change into Jason Lee and had to improvise an barnstorming acapella rendition of, “Moving On Up” to a bouncing Forest-Count derby crowd in freezing midwinter.

  17. I’m off out to look at a pink jeep for sale. Love pineapple me. The best and sweetest are from Thailand, not bongo bongo land.
    Very good for the lungs, helps clear mucus, and anti inflammatory. Not keen on pineapple chunks though, taste of piss, and always covered in dockers omelettes.

      • CG. No, I wouldn’t buy a car off that vacuous guttersnipe, seats covered in cum/ fanny batter/ Harveys drool.
        Mr Fiddler suggested anyone who likes pineapple has a pink jeep 😂

  18. Good Morning

    For those of a culinary bent pineapples are bloody useful as a marinade for tough joints of meat like pork shoulder or beef short ribs. You can mix it up with mango, papaya or orange juice and after a couple of hours the meat is tenderised.
    It is the pineapple that does the work the rest are just for flavour.

  19. Fucking love pineapple me, don’t like cock though, so I’m not sure it’s an exclusive thing. Gammon egg pineapple and chips is a treat, so is chicken and pineapple stir fry. Bacon cheese egg and pineapple toasties, plenty of tomato sauce, even just cheese and pineapple.
    Fuck me, I’m starving now…..

    • I’m with you on this. Back when I was a rutting and scuttling young’ un, the Friday night/sat morning drinking and night clubbing entertainment would end with a visit to the little independent burger house for a pineapple burger and chips.

      9pints to the wind and no lucky strike with the ladies, this grub was heaven. I miss those days.

      • I forgot about burgers, oh yes! Another post pub treat was a kebab meat and pineapple pizza, dirty as fuck but hit the spot!

    • You don’t like cock, GJ? So you’ve tried cock in your mouth to know you don’t like it? LOL!

  20. The wife makes a delicious dessert by slicing pineapples and slow roasting them with rum, brown sugar and a touch of cinnamon.
    My mate Big Al reckons it’s a bit gay, but it doesn’t stop him necking it at a ferocious rate if he and his missus are round at our house.

    Morning all.

    • Hi Ron,
      That was going to be my other culinary tip, except I do it on BBQ with citrus sugar and cinnamon in the whipped cream on top.
      Easy and looks bloody impressive.

  21. Pineapples is it? I have a jolly glass of pineapple juice every morning – orange juice is a bit sharp and carrot juice is for drug addicts and communists! Although carrot and orange juice is lovely – I have tried pineapple on gammon, the sweetness balances out the meat which appears to have spent a month in the sea it’s so salty.
    Then again I eat raw onion and black pepper sandwiches (lovely on wholemeal bread) so what do I know?

  22. Pineapple’s are for flids like Ed Davey and his ilk.
    What a 2bob wanker that this by the way.

    Stormin’ Norman still going strong at 90.
    (off to the coal shed to knock one out)..


    • you northerners and your coal, we haven’t seen coal down south since sticky vicky was on the throne

    • Seems pineapples a even split amongst cunters!

      I know its fuckin gorgeous in pineapple upside down cake.

      And a great dance move to Agadoo classic
      “Push pineapples,shake a tree”

      I think the pineapple is great,
      Whether in a homosexual cocktail or making peoples mouths a bloody gash.


      Did my truly fascinating nom for corned beef cut the mustard?

      • Aye: equal rights for meat👍

        (Took me ages, well seconds, to get a funny link for Miserables corned beef nom😉)

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