I was sat one evening back in August in my study, doing a few bits of paperwork before retiring with Lady Quimson to the bedroom, when I heard a groaning sound coming from the bottom of the garden that backs onto an abandoned quarry.

As I got closer the noise became louder and louder until an “aaaaggggghhhh yeah” came from the bushes.

I shouted “hoy ya dirty fuckers” with that a group of men and women came out of the bushes on the other side of the track, tits like a 15 year old friesian cow dangled down, as well a tawdry todgers the size of drawing pins. (Anyone from IsaC perchance? – DA)

I mean don’t these cunts have houses to fuck in, why do they have to perform sex acts at the bottom of my garden the selfish, thoughtless cunts!!!! (So did you errr.. join in then? – DA)

Nominated by: Captain Quimson

I nominate that stupid thick boxer cunt Anthony Joshua, you know, the racist cunt who was saying in the summer ‘don’t buy from white people’.

Now the cunt is advertising google, a tax avoiding tech giant under the guise of ‘help local businesses’

How stupid does one cunt need to be?

Deserves a cunting in my opinion

Nominated by: Oh cunt off

Channel 5 are deserving of a nomination, for being smug, woke, blackwashing cunts. I’ve just found out (30th October), that they’re doing a show about the life of Henry VIII. For reasons of wokeness and to show how stunning and brave they are, his second wife, Anne Boleyn, will be played by a black actress. I’m pretty sure that there were exactly NO black people in England during the Tudor period, especially as members of the aristocracy, so why tell lies about history? (Cultural Appropriation, surely? – DA)

Can you imagine the shitstorm from their fellow members of the Leftwaffe if they did a show on the life of Rosa Parks, with Emily Blunt playing Rosa? You’d be able to hear the screeching on Mars.

FUCK OFF Channel 5, you woke cunts. Fuck right off!

Nominated by: Quick Draw McGraw

(More info here Anne Boleyn was Black – DA)

..and seconded by:mystic maven 

Channel 5 deserve a nomination, as they too have now jumped on the woke bandwagon. They have cast a black actress in the role of Anne Boelyn. To balance things, they will no doubt be making a programme about Mandela or Martin Luther King with Liam Neeson in the title role.

A yank vocal virus that has spread with unparalleled rapidity through the brain drool of BBC presentahs and across TV land generally. It goes like this:

Presentah: Mr Saville why were you allegedly banned from several hospital mortuaries after being found shagging dead old ladies?

Mr Saville : That’s a great question.

Unfortunately the phrase had not crossed over then but my goodness it is now in full play during the present little local difficulty.

Old gent in a care home on a hospital trolly stuffed full of tubes and only able to gurgle a few words with great effort while being interviewed by a tall slap head BBC cunt well behind a remote zoom mike on a tripod and wearing a Robocop mask
.
Old gent (in between gasps) : I don’t give an arse about being the first Covid patient to receive a Christmas card from the Prime Minister but you tell me why you TV fucks never ask why old cunts like me are despatched out of hospital after midnight to die in shitty corridors like this?

Presentah: That’s a great question

Old gent : And no nurse I don’t want an injection to calm me down and send me to sleep!

Presentah (after about 30 seconds): Ok nurse I think we’ll end the interview there. He seems to be dead. Why did the old cunt die so soon after the injection?

Nurse : That’s a great question

“That’s a great question” is used to manufacture a pause so the Presentah can try to think of an answer or in most cases just plough on with the interview script regardless and divert the TV attention span generation from matters of embarrassment..

Nominated by: Sir Limply Stoke 

Saw ad on idiots’ lantern this pm; what a heap of old toss. Apparently this is something Tresa the Appeaser dreamt up, dog-awful old hoover bag that she was.

And it’s not until…April 22nd 2021. Almost six months away. I reckon that cunt Soros must be paying for the ad, as it’s so bloody long. Must be costing a fortune.

I’d also like to cunt the utterly wretched ad for the Mini all-electric, with its dire crap music soundtrack. Built by the boche, driven by drug-addled dark quays.

Nominated by: HBelindaHubbard