Monthly Archives: October 2018

Little Napoleons

Posted on by

Shortish people are little cunts, aren’t they?

I’ve never liked the spooky fuckers and I simply abhor the way they are treated with reverence, doused with accolades just for being short-arses. Yes, yes, we all like a bit of Panto and frankly Time Bandits is a marvellous film. However these are exceptions. Let’s face it most of them are mean-spirited, nasty little shits with a permanent chip on their tiny shoulder. A smidgeon of meritocracy should be applied to prevent excessive praise just for looking odd.

Take one little fucker in the news today, John Bercow. Elevated far above his talents, everything is compact about this pint-sized prick except his modesty. This deformed baby howls at anything in targets (Trump, Brexit) whilst constantly bullying women, and all the while supposedly remaining impartial! Does he obtain special dispensation because of his stature? Is he treated specially because he plays the ‘short-arse’ card?

They seem to fall into one of a few categories:-
▶ Creepy: like that Mini Me or the one from Fantasy Island. Also that terrifying freak in Don’t Look Now.
▶ Overrated: Toulouse-Lautrec, any special Olympian athlete, Tom Cruise.
▶ Cunts: Wee Krankie (the hideous, angry one who fronts the SNP, not the weird, angry one who fronts the comedy marriage) and John Bercow.
▶ Not funny: Wee Krankie (the weird, angry one who fronts the comedy marriage, not the hideous, angry one who fronts the SNP) and Warrick Davies.

Kenny Baker (R2-D2) and that Peter Dinklage chap from Game Of Thrones were the only cool smaller people actors (especially Dinklage who spent the first few series whoring, drinking, and quipping).

My awkward anxiety is palliated if these height-challenged Napoleon clones are not in my immediate vicinity and are doing things like roly-polys or riding hilarious, miniature bicycles in a children’s Christmas theatre production. Otherwise they are creepy, insidious, traumatising, cunty runts of Nature.

Nominated by Captain Magnanimous

Bono [14]

Posted on by

Okay, okay, I know it’s a case of ‘been there, done that, bought the tee shirt’, but does this pompous, opinionated gobshite deserve yet another cunting, or what??

Not content with foisting his ponderous dirges on us for years, the short-arsed tax dodger continues to delude himself that he’s a player, a mover and shaker on the world stage, and that everyone outside his privileged little bubble actually gives a flying fuck for his opinions on anything.

Of late, the little turd’s being giving it out on the question of Europe. According to this self-styled visionary, ‘Europe is a grand, inspiring idea… the idea of Europe deserves songs written about it (just no, please no!!), and big, bright blue flags deserve to be waved about’. Yer man has indeed been doing just that at gigs, describing said flag waving as ‘a radical act’.

As further evidence of his progressive, social justice credentials, the wee tosspot dressed in a clown’s outfit at a recent concert in Paris, and called Swedish Democrats ‘Nazis’ (complete with a ‘Sieg Heil’ salute) for having the audacity to question their own country’s extremely liberal immigration policy.

In other news, we learn that the wankstain has recently met with Pope Francis at the Vatican, to discuss, as he told reporters afterwards, ‘themes that include the wild beast that is capitalism’. ‘The wild beast that is capitalism’. What a bunch of totally pretentious, up your own arse wank. Tell you what, Frankie boy, just grant the hypocritical arsehole’s secret wish, and make him Saint Bono immediately.

Recently U2 was forced to abandon a show in Berlin, when Cunto’s voice gave out temporarily. Personally, I would take it as proof positive of the existence of the Almighty were this temporary state to become permanent, and we were spared any more of his tedious, sanctimonious bullshitting.

Meanwhile, all we can do is look on the bright side. Bono; the gift to cunting that just keeps on giving.

Nominated by Ron Knee

CNN [2]

Posted on by

A massive, uber cunting for CNN. In case any of you haven’t seen it, Kanye West met Trump at the White House and to his credit said a lot of true things about Hillary, the left, the Democrats and how they behave. And how did CNN respond? They called him the ‘token n3gr0’ and said ‘this is what happens when n3gr03s don’t read’ – or, in other words, you are a minority so you must get in line and agree with us or else – no leaving the plantation for you! And they say WE’RE the fucking racists?! Cunts!

Nominated by OpinionatedCunt

Benedict Cumberbatch [5]

Posted on by

Benedict Cumberbatch is a cunt, isn’t he?

According to eye-witnesses (well, him) he foiled an attempt by four attackers to mug an innocent man, alone in London. This was in the dingy, mean streets of Marylebone. Apparently, according to an on-the-spot witness (erm, him again), he prevented the crazed, presumably drug-fuelled, madmen severely hurting a poor delivery bloke on a moped.

Hmmm.

Marylebone High Street is a wealthy restaurant area frequented by the type of entitled turd with oodles of spare cash and hardly a dodgy area. Dave “I won’t resign if Remain loses” Piggy-Cameron dines there. It’s also in close proximity to Baker Street. Cumberbatch and Baker Street. I smell the rancorous odour of a cheap marketing story.

Furthermore it was last year. Why’s the story bursting now? In vain have I searched for this daring crime-fighter to be flogging some new, insipid tv dogshite but no; nothing except a film about Brexit. Psh.

Listen Benny, you’re not fooling anyone. Your Harrow days weren’t spent scrapping overTop Trumps in the playground and your RADA stage-fighting wouldn’t beat a cripple with spaghetti arms. Your story’s about as authentic as the refugees you pretend to house. Cease interfering in virtue-signalling politics and fuck off back to Castle Cuntbags in Hampstead to rub talcum powder on your balls, you one-trick pony, poodle-faced ponce.

Nominated by Captain Magnanimous

Football [5]

Posted on by

I’d like to cunt football.

So half of humanity are obsessed with this ‘beautiful game’.
Why? What the fuck is so great about watching a bunch of camp hipster illiterate fuckwits prance around after a ball?

How on earth is one game really any different from another? Let me guess, did one guy kick the ball towards the net? Gosh. What an utterly unique approach to the most mentally demanding of activities.

How is it that half the fuckers that play this game have some sort of affiliation with hotel room spitroasts, driving offenses or cheating on their wives? Why is every fan happy for their child to wear a shirt with these people’s names on? How come hardly anyone knows about grammar these days but everyone can pronounce every goatherders’ seventeen letter surname so long as his foot touches a ball?

And what is this obsession with going all doe-eyed at the mention of a cup ‘coming home’? It is not coming home if a bunch of somalis bring it home for you, is it?

I find the whole thing rather monotonous to be honest. But every person I have spoken to who has spent their childhood ‘kicking a ball about’ has truly shocking gaps in their education. I have recently spoken to one who did know what Auschwitz was.

Please…..

Nominated by Cuntflap

Football Fans are Cunts. (That should get one or two Cunters’ attention)

Football fans really are the most entitled of any sports-followers. I’ve just been reading about a group of fans who are whinging because Mike Ashley ( Newcastle United Owner) had the audacity to flick them a sly V-sign after they’d stood outside a restaurant where he was dining shouting abuse. How very unreasonable of him. Now Mike Ashley may well be a Cunt,but if someone had been shouting abuse at me for 2 hours they’d have got a lot more than a sly V-sign.

Football fans seem to be the worst for thinking that they can hurl whatever foul abuse they fancy at people,and yet if the object of their ire has the bare-faced cheek to respond,they come over all shocked and giddy. Armed with the ubiquitous mobile-phone footage,suitably edited,they scream about how disgusted they were at their target’s behaviour. Normally “My kids were there,they were shocked” normally comes in to it. Never mind that they’ve been screaming pure vitriol for the preceding hour,their target telling them to “Fuck Off” comes as shocking behaviour worthy of police investigation…and worse still,the police are obliged to listen to the morons.

I know that other sports have their hecklers,but no other sport has the same level of pure spite that football fans exhibit. The spite doesn’t bother me,what bothers me is the hypocrisy. For grown men they seem to be remarkably thin-skinned. Apparently the mildest of swear-words or gesture,if directed at them, is enough to send them into a fit of the vapours.

Fuck them.

Nominated by Dick Fiddler