Little Napoleons

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Shortish people are little cunts, aren’t they?

I’ve never liked the spooky fuckers and I simply abhor the way they are treated with reverence, doused with accolades just for being short-arses. Yes, yes, we all like a bit of Panto and frankly Time Bandits is a marvellous film. However these are exceptions. Let’s face it most of them are mean-spirited, nasty little shits with a permanent chip on their tiny shoulder. A smidgeon of meritocracy should be applied to prevent excessive praise just for looking odd.

Take one little fucker in the news today, John Bercow. Elevated far above his talents, everything is compact about this pint-sized prick except his modesty. This deformed baby howls at anything in targets (Trump, Brexit) whilst constantly bullying women, and all the while supposedly remaining impartial! Does he obtain special dispensation because of his stature? Is he treated specially because he plays the ‘short-arse’ card?

They seem to fall into one of a few categories:-
▶ Creepy: like that Mini Me or the one from Fantasy Island. Also that terrifying freak in Don’t Look Now.
▶ Overrated: Toulouse-Lautrec, any special Olympian athlete, Tom Cruise.
▶ Cunts: Wee Krankie (the hideous, angry one who fronts the SNP, not the weird, angry one who fronts the comedy marriage) and John Bercow.
▶ Not funny: Wee Krankie (the weird, angry one who fronts the comedy marriage, not the hideous, angry one who fronts the SNP) and Warrick Davies.

Kenny Baker (R2-D2) and that Peter Dinklage chap from Game Of Thrones were the only cool smaller people actors (especially Dinklage who spent the first few series whoring, drinking, and quipping).

My awkward anxiety is palliated if these height-challenged Napoleon clones are not in my immediate vicinity and are doing things like roly-polys or riding hilarious, miniature bicycles in a children’s Christmas theatre production. Otherwise they are creepy, insidious, traumatising, cunty runts of Nature.

Nominated by Captain Magnanimous

29 thoughts on “Little Napoleons”

  1. Theres a midget security guard working at my local Morrisons,obviously another common purpose box ticking excercise,hows he gonna chase a young hood rat thief,imagine though ,itd be like a scene from a Peter Kay comedy,the thief would probably pick him up and stick him in a shopping trolley,but its diversity innit😵😵😵

  2. Randy Newman knew a thing or two about short people…

    Short people got no reason
    Short people got no reason
    Short people got no reason
    To live

    They got little hands
    And little eyes
    And they walk around
    Tellin’ great big lies
    They got little noses
    And tiny little teeth
    They wear platform shoes
    On their nasty little feet

    Well, I don’t want no short people
    Don’t want no short people
    Don’t want no short people
    Round here

    Short people are just the same
    As you and I
    (A fool such as I)
    All men are brothers
    Until the day they die
    (It’s a wonderful world)

    Short people got nobody
    Short people got nobody
    Short people got nobody
    To love

    They got little baby legs
    And they stand so low
    You got to pick ’em up
    Just to say hello
    They got little cars
    That got beep, beep, beep
    They got little voices
    Goin’ peep, peep, peep
    They got grubby little fingers
    And dirty little minds
    They’re gonna get you every time
    Well, I don’t want no short people
    Don’t want no short people
    Don’t want no short people
    ‘Round here

    (Randy Newman ‘Short People’ 1977)

    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8bfyS-S-IJs

  3. John Bercow what a smart arsed little twat he is Full of his own self importance I’d love to see him out and about on a Friday night in Mansfield Town centre gobbling off before someone smacked the pompous little prick.

    • Apparently his nasty, bullying, sexist ways are ok with Remoaning MPs because Remoaning is more important.

  4. At what height do you stop being a short arse, your answer will have my future in its hands, to short and im heading for dignitas.

    • let’s see. I am 6ft 3 so any fucker less is a shortarse. Do you want Swissair’s number?

    • According to Wiki the average height for men in developed countries approximately 5′ 10″.

      In a medical context, short stature is typically defined as an adult height that is more than two standard deviations below the mean for age and gender, which corresponds to the shortest 2.3% of individuals. In developed countries, this typically includes adult men who are shorter than 5′ 5″.

      Hope that helps Civvydog.

  5. reminds me of when my sister told my Dad her new boyfriend was black. ‘ how black’? he replied.

  6. Bercow……nasty little arrogant, full of himself bully and groper of women. Started his Tory career in the Monday Club demanding repatriation for anybody with a sun tan. Licked the New Labour arse to get their votes for Speaker and converted to libtardism, publicly slagging off Trump and having a “bollocks to Brexit” sticker on his car.( with a child seat for the driver) Some impartiality there.
    Heard two Labour slags on the radio praising him to the skies recently, #metoo suddenly forgotten. Publicly cuckolded by a filthy pikey. A sad excuse for a human being and a massive cunt.

    • Those slags would likely have been Lady Nougat and that vile hag Margaret Beckett, and I thought Labour couldn’t get any lower…

  7. I used to date an imp called Dave who was five foot two inches short .
    He liked to receive all the the attention in our relationship.
    Trouble was he’d never see me coming.

  8. Bonio cunted, then Short-Arses cunted. I spy a theme.

    John Bercow deserves a cunting simply for the constant, cream-of-sanctimonious-soup look on his tiny, pointed face. Now we discover he can add “irresponsibility” to his list of character flaws as he’s clinging on to his position until next year consequently skipping any responsibility for his bullying behaviour. This beady circus act is evidently compensating for something.

    Bring on the Bercow Throwing competition at all good sports days.

  9. Without a doubt Bercow is a cunt of epic proportions, from his bollocks to brexit sticker on his windscreen to his complete lack of impartiality in the house, but not to be outdone in the Cunt stakes his wife has “ still European” on the head of her twatter page, is she implying by leaving the EU we are by definition no longer European?
    Although that’s utter bollocks I’m actually happy to be called English all day long!! So fuck you mrs Bercow and for a person who advocates sensible conversation on brexit is that not the height of childishness?

    Short actors are not all Cunts!
    Look at the mesmerising performance of Warwick Davis dressed as an ewok on the forest moon of endor, he single handedly carried that film , who can forget the gravitas the dwarf dressed as a fucking teddybear brought to that role? Epic stuff

    • “The height of childishness” ➡ Baaaaaaa ha ha ha!

      Second best gag, Q, after Warwick Davis being “an actor.”

  11. SMS – small man syndrome. The lot of them cunts and usually liars in my experience. esp when working in elfinsafly roles, they take on a particularly nazi socialist little Hitler’s cunts attitude cus they finally get a chance to tell people what to do. Cunts.

  12. The worst ones are the short arse cunts with fucking glasses with lenses that look like they were off the fucking Hubble space telescope.
    Chippy little twats

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