I really have got the fucking hump now.
As a child of the Fifties I was brought up on a diet of BBC Radio Comedy which apart from The Navy Lark, Clitheroe Kid and the beloved Round The Horne followed me on to my pubescent days. By this I mean
I’m Sorry I’ll Read That Again,
on TV, At Last The 1948 Show and of course, Python and Fawlty Tires.
Fast forward and I am now an ex pat nearing 26 years in exile. BUT I still have the beloved wireles (radio for you cunts that do not understand)
So I am still able to listen to Radio 4 comedy via the internet. Happy me one would think. Am I fuck?
Its all been taken over by utter utter cunts.
I used to love The News Quiz, Alan Coren etc. Found it a bit dodgy when Toksvig started but still tolerable, plus the guest list were amusing even Trotsky Hardy. Miles Jupp is the latest offering as presenter with a string of unkown, unwanted and total wankbag untalented parts of the lady anatomy to entertain us.
Coming to my point, Mr Jupp is unable to fulfill his commitment this series as he is “off filming” so there will be guest presenters filling in. Who has just caused me to throw a total wobbler and draught this missive?
Susan fucking Calman. What a total waste of air. I get the impression that the audience are tittering out of politeness or a studio producer is pointing a loaded Schmeisser at them with a sign Laugh Futher Muckers.
The only saving grace is that it hasn’t mentioned its “wife” or their pussys (cats) yet. Can you imagine the fucking pong in that household?
I’m off for a Madras and a wank over Andrea Rosu. That should get the blood pressure down.
Have a good week y’all.

Nominated by Billy Cunter

Yea, the British army AGAIN….
This time they’re cunts for becoming Islam’s bitch.
Now as before, I’d like to state that I consider the rank and file soldiers as heroes. By no means saints, but the best soldiers in the world, great patriots and something to be proud of.
BUT…
The top brass are gutless, spineless, lefty, pussies that I consider to be a FUCKING DISCRACE. They should be ashamed of themselves coz sure as hell, the rest of the country damn well is!
For those of you that haven’t had your piss boiled by this story yet, here’s the scandal…

Tommy Robinson bumped into a bunch of squaddies at a service station and they took selfies with him and…

Well actually that’s it.

However…
The muSLIME council of Britain decided that this was unacceptable, so told the army to punish the soldiers that had committed these terrible atrocities.
Did the army laugh their bollocks off and tell em “fuckin make me you smelly cunts”?

No.

They confiscated the troops’ phones, launched an investigation and even discharged one.

PUSSIES.

Discharging a young soldier, ruining his career and depriving the country of another warrior, just because some nobody cunt has hurt feelings is tantamount to treason and it brings a shame on what used to be the best army on the planet.

I honestly can’t believe what’s happening to our army. It beggars belief. First we had those fucking ridiculous adverts about praying and crying (I enjoyed cunting them very much). Then the adverts about “you can always get a good hug in the army”… (!?)
Now the army are taking orders from the Muslim cuntcil of britanibad…

Ok well if you want to suck up to the peacefuls, may I suggest that you start recruiting from their ranks? I notice that you’re already trying. How’s that going?
Pretty soon the army are going to lose the ability to recruit from the white working class, and will only be able to recruit from lefty cock gobblers, carpet munchers, peacefuls and communist sympathisers…
On that day we’re fucked. When the army is lost, so is our entire way of life.

So I guess there are 2 choices now.
Vladimir of Mohammed…

…Pour me a vodka and boil me some turnips.

Nominate by Deploy the Sausage

Coronation Street needs a cunting….

The nearly 60 year old TV drama now reminds me of what that bandit says to Hedley Lamaar in Blazing Saddles when asked about his hobbies… ‘Rape, murdrer, arson and rape!’ That sums up virtually every modern Corrie episode up in a nutshell…

Once a good series with good stories and characters, it really should have finished in 1984: after the deaths/departures of Stan Ogden, Albert Tatlock, Elsie Tanner, Len Fairclough, and Annie and Billy Walker…. Been on the slide since then and went completely crap when Hilda Ogden (Jean Alexander) left…

It should now be re-titled something like ‘Phelan II – This Time He Kills Even More People’ or ‘Bethany Does Islamabad’… What a pile of steaming cunt…

Nominated by Norman

More millions of public money spent on these parasites. All because Airmiles Andy complained to Mumsy that his bitch should be treated the same as Hewitt’s ginger bastard.

Apparently they are having a piss up at Windsor on Friday night then another all day fuckfest on the Saturday involving bumper cars and other Michael Jacksonesque fairground attractions. Presumably there won’t be any pikeys trying to get their filthy hands up Eugenie’s skirt or shortchanging the poshboys who are not used to handling real money.

What a fucking farce!

Nominated by Freddie the Frog

Sarah Ferguson and Eugenie

A right royal (with optional 40 gun salute) cunting please for this ugly old chavvy ex royal and her pikey looking daughter on the latters wedding day.

For once the BBC has seen sense and is not putting the fucking freeloading heap of bollocks on TV live, so the doyen of tackiness, ITV’s Good Morning has taken over, with no doubt fawning, arsehole licking commentary from Her Royal Highness The Princess Philip Schofield, the queen of camp TV. If ever Limp Wrist becomes an Olympic event Queenie Schofield will win gold for Britain every fucking four years.

However, it seems we are paying millions of pounds so this pikey looking spawn of Airmiles Andy, and his obese ugly ex-wife (who sadly for her was born two centuries too late – she would have made an ideal whore for a King back then, if only Jonathan King to stop the rumours).

No doubt the ever grasping, greedy old cunt will have come to some financial arrangement with ITV for the *rights*, no doubt also tying in with a chav’s gossip magazine and the BBC will spend all the weeks budget on filming the waddle up to the church for the news but why should anyone be interested in the marriage of the ugly daughter of an ex-prostitute who just happened to have had her legs open for one of the ugliest princes Britain has ever produced. If the Ferguson woman was short of money, and Andy too tight to pay up, she should have got Bryant to pay to get his toes sucked by the topless old trollop as a trip down memory lane.

We shouldn’t have to pay for security and processions for the offspring of a shop soiled old has-been hag with the morals of a goat

Nominated by W.C.Boggs

Royal Family Promotional B/S
I don’t know about anyone else, but I’m walking with an extra spring in my step after reading the latest bit of royal ‘news’ in ‘The Metro’.
The Duchess of Cambridge has returned to ‘official duties’ (the strain!) and showed that ‘she’s got the royal family’s knack of being thrifty when it comes to clothes’. Kate appeared in the £1,350 Emilia Wickstead dress that (*gulp*!) she first wore in Hamburg last year! As if this isn’t earth-shattering in itself, husband William (*gasp*!) ‘also had on the same suit he wore in the German city’! Lawd lav a dack an’ blow me dahn!
It heart-rending to see royalty taking the lead in these years of grinding austerity. It’s that Dunkirk spirit which so epitomises this great nation and which has seen us through some of the darkest hours in our history. My chest puffs with pride at the notion of being British.
Personally I was moved to tears by the nobility of this sacrifice, as no doubt were the millions on low incomes who face the day-to-day struggle to make ends meet. It’s a real morale booster to know that in these trying times, we truly are, as our great former leader David Cameron once so poetically put it, ‘all in this together’.
Gawd bless yer Sir and Ma’am, yer a hexample to us all.

Nominated by Ron Knee