A cunting please for Hollywoke. Sorry, I mean Hollywood. ‘Woke’ Hollywood.
To demonstrate what Hollywood has become, consider two of the worst flops in recent history – Terminator: Dark Fate and Charlie’s Angels.
A quick plot synopsis for both films:
Terminator Dark Fate:
Before the opening credits are finished, a T-800 appears, bursting in on a CGI-rejuvenated Sarah and John Connor and proceeds to kill John Connor. Just like fucking that. The entire reason for the 35-year Terminator franchise is erased within moments of the film starting. Next we see the androgenous shemale terminator (good) and an Apple store employee lookalike liquid terminator (bad) appear from the future to hunt down the saviour of humankind because it turns out that it wasn’t John. It was actually a Mexican schoolgirl meaning we can justify the erasure of the leading white man from the story. Androgenous thing and the Apple genius beat each other silly across various locations until a wrinkled Linda Hamilton appears and we basically get a cut price, shite version of T2 for the next 80mins, including the revelation that the murderous T-800 from the opening (Arnie) has reprogrammed himself to settle with a family and called himself ‘Carl’. What a fucking spectacular tapestry of wank.
A reboot of a 2001 remake of a 1970s TV show, this atrocity features Kristin Stewart as Mouthbreather, some enormous black woman as Gigantor and a few other trollops randomly beating the living shit out of anyone bad, all of whom by utter coincidence turn out to be white men. This includes ol’ slaphead thesp Captain Pickard who is one of three – fucking THREE – Bosleys in this film. Elizabeth Banks directs and ‘stars’ in this flowing stream of raw sewage and has been screaming loudly about how “men don’t want to see women in action films”.
These abominations neatly encapsulate the state of cinema right now – largely bereft of ideas, no common sense, no focus on scriptwriting and a tendency to pay attention to a vocal minority on Twatter for digital back pats – yet these self-same social media blue check marks aren’t the ones actually paying to see these films, leaving an audience of regular people totally put off by the virtuous bollocks within.
Instead of the modern trend of forced casting women as the archetypal Mary Sue perfect conquistadors, consider how iconic characters like Ellen Ripley (Alien/s) and the original Sarah Connor were developed: deep characters with relatable flaws and vulnerabilities, which made them the engaging action heroines of their day.
This Thursday I am going to see Le Mans ’66. I wouldn’t have normally bothered, but the uproar from the aforementioned SJW cunts about the lack of both gender and ethnic ‘diversity’ means the film must be doing something right. Fuck off Hollywood, and take the figurative and literal cunts with you.
You should be a film critic
Nominated by The Empire Cunts Back