Newspaper websites

If you’re foolish enough to go on websites run by the likes of the Daily Mirror or Daily Mail, you may also be familiar with having to press ‘Ctrl+Alt+Delete’ whenever you try to navigate their site. Ad blockers? About as much use as a vegetarian restaurant in Wuhan.

Yes, I now ignore any links to most newspaper websites due to the amount of utter shit and spyware they’re infested with. You can get videos auto playing, the screen freezing as you try to scroll the page down or indeed, just the plain old frozen screen that can crash your fucking computer.

‘We see you’re using an adblocker’. Yes, to stop cunts like you shoving spyware onto my computer or just throwing on auto play videos over what I’m trying to read. No, don’t make the mistake of turning off your adblocker, just to get access. Not unless you want to see what using a ZX81 to access the internet would be like.

Calling themselves ‘news websites’ should be a matter for Trading Standards. They’re virus, spyware and pop-up advert sites,

Fuck off.

Nominated by: Cuntybollocks

Piles (2)

Don’t continue reading if you’re about to eat! – admin

I’ve been suffering big time lately with my Plymouth’s.

Every time I wipe my arse, it looks like the Japanese flag or even worse, the Chinese.

Having to push the fucking things back up your ring. Shoving the suppository up waiting for suction to do the rest. Delightful. The fuckers even wake me up in the middle of the night, throbbing like a thumb hit with a hammer. I’m actually walking like John Wayne if HE had piles.

Oh for the bliss of a clean nip after a shit, one wipe and all done.

Piles are a pile of cunt.

Nominated by: Bob Frapples

Charlie Zelenoff – Champ or Chump?

With apologies to Admin, because when I first cunted this cunt I was a drunk cunt, but now I am (briefly) a sober cunt, so I shall attempt to cunt again the cunt known as…

CHARLIE ZELENOFF

Who is Charlie Zelenoff you might ask?

Why, he is nothing other than the bulb-headed, weak-chined, noodle-necked, slump-shouldered, sunken-chested, self-proclaimed Boxing Champion of the Whole Wide World!

What he is in actual fact is a wretched drunken hobgoblin of a man that periodically emerges from his mother’s condominium in LA to assault total strangers on the street and record these ‘fights’ on YouTube as professional boxing ‘wins’.

When innocent passers-by are in short supply, he will harass real boxers on social media in an attempt to provoke them into the ring, and is willing to make death threats against a disabled child if he thinks it will get a response (as indeed it did in the case of Deontay Wilder and his daughter).

When all else fails, he will simply order a pizza and then sucker-punch the elderly delivery guy.

He also believes Kim Kardashian is madly in love with him.

The cunt.

Nominated by: Chimp Licker 

Anthropomorphism

It’s an odd one but i’d like to nominate Anthropomorphism

It’s projecting human emotions and qualities onto animals, and it can result in death.

Examples. Humans smile when they’re happy. Chimps smile when scared or stressed. Wolves bare their teeth when showing aggression and asserting dominance. They all use analogous muscle groups but mean very different things to each species.

I hate these ‘cute’ videos pretending animals have human emotions and can conceptualise the world the same way as humans .It might get fucktards likes on Faecesbook but I find it fucking pathetic.

Animals aren’t your fucking mates, unless they’ve been domesticated for thousands of years. House cats aren’t fully domesticated yet. Tame, but not domesticated. That’s why they go off for days or weeks at a time. Fuck you and your Felix soup sachets, you sad cunt.

If you think you’re friends with a bear, a tiger or a killer whale, you’re a cunt.

If you think leaving your baby with a Malamute or a Mastiff is safe, you’re a cunt.

If you think your 18ft Rock Python is beautiful and would never try to kill and eat you, you’re a cunt.

If you think your Siamese cat can live on a vegan diet, you’re an animal-abusing, thick cunt.

If you feed pills to a Chimp because you think it’s your teenage son, you’re a cunt. If it rips your friend’s face and hands off, gouges their eyes and injures them so badly the fucking hospital staff need counselling, you’re a cunt who should’ve been shot, not the chimp.

Just because some elephants have been known to mourn their dead, they’ll still up-end your little jeep like a Tonka toy, then turn you into something that belongs in a jar with ‘Shippam’s’.on the side.

99.9% of animals are here because they evolved to survive, and over 99% of species that have ever lived are extinct. They’re not cuddly toys, and certainly not be your fucking ‘buddy’.

Nominated by: Cuntamus Prime 

Yorkshire Tea

 

Yep, that’s a real Yorkshire Tea box folded out – admin.

In a shitshow of a social media exchange the other day, where one customer was unfortunate enough to type their thanks that ‘Yorkshire Tea aren’t being political’ during this utter fucking madness sweeping the globe, this previously heralded ‘good old Northern’ beverage staple swiftly made an example of said punter, literally interjecting with “Please don’t buy our tea”.

https://twitter.com/YorkshireTea/status/1270047023669133316?s=20

And further down the thread, PG Tips leap in and side with their supermarket rivals. The message: We Stand Against Racism.

Now, this might sound funny but it really fucking isn’t. Not when you consider what this now everyday occurrence of corporate virtue signalling represents. Let us be clear about what this means.

This isn’t about fucking Twitter.

This isn’t about second rate fucking tea bags.

This IS about the ever-metastasising cancer of social justice – a ‘panderdemic’, if you’ll allow an equivocally apt label for this fucking zeitgeist – riddling its way irreversibly through the heart, guts and collective mind of society.

Whether this was actually a Yorkshire Tea planned response or a lone, reactive upstart managing their social media account, this was nevertheless a typical demonstration of subservience in the face of a modern day McCarthyist witchhunt of anyone who the BLM/white middle class socialist fraudfucks can tenuously associate with historic black oppression. Because in these insane times, not responding with something means you are further to the right than than an SS Officer with bloodlust.

So a bunch of cunts who shovel processed tea into supermarket shelves for t’simpletons will proceed to cure all racism by pandering on social media. Well, let’s all get the fucking bunting out, shall we? Hey, Yorkshire Tea, how about keeping an eye on events closer to home. Perhaps you shower of complete shitcunts should have similarly screeched such platitudes, after it was revealed that hundreds of peacefuls were targeting thousands of mainly white girls for repeated rape, abuse and sexual fucking assault en fucking masse for fucking YEARS. All going on in – of all places – your good old, salt of the Earth, fucking YORKSHIRE.

I swear to fucking Jesus tap dancing Christ, between my personal embargo on all things Chinese and all things woke, I’m going to be living exclusively off bread and dripping in a wooden fucking shack at this rate. Should any unfortunate cunt ever offer me a cup of Yorkshire Tea in future, then I will recreate the Goodfellas scene where Ray Liotta gun-butts his neighbour until his victims head lifelessly rebounds with each sickening thud; except in lieu of a firearm I will settle for a ladle or nearest blunt kitchen utensil.

In the words of Paul Joseph Watson, “Fuck your shit tea”.

Nominated by: The Empire Cunts Back