It wouldn’t be Christmas ( sorry, the Festive season ) without a tale of woe or two, preferably featuring some “vulnerable” member of society and including the word ” ruined “, so here you are.

Kent Online.

Jean and Ron Rodbourne were due to host the family celebrations. They placed an order for home delivery back in October, which was due to arrive between 4 and 5pm. When it hadn’t been delivered by 6pm, Jean rang only to be told it was a ” computer glitch” and there was nothing that could be done.

Now, here’s where my sympathy chip went on the fritz.

This was the 22nd December, not Christmas Eve. The delivery was from Sainsbury’s, not Fortnum and Mason. It was payment on delivery, so they weren’t left without money to buy groceries elsewhere.

What was stopping their son ( who ended up hosting at his house ) taking them shopping on the 23rd, so plans could go ahead?

Of course, Christmas was “ruined”, and the couple have asked for compensation, naturally.

Nominated by : Jeezum Priest

are cunts.

Sleeper cells first piqued my interest decades ago before I had even heard the term used. I met a young man working in an office on Smallbrook Ringway in Birmingham who didn’t bother to hide the fact that he hated the British. He was as white as me with a strong regional accent, born in Birmingham of Irish heritage. This was a short time after and a few hundred yards from the bombings of the Mulberry Bush and the Tavern in the Town which is why he made such an impression on me. I learned later in life that this is a known and common thing. In the days of the Iron Curtain for instance many of the refugees who escaped the GDR to the west quickly became active in far left politics and some in “direct action”. Makes me wonder about Mutti Merkel.

People often express surprise that the children and even grandchildren of immigrants to the UK are terrorists. At least they are easier to spot than the white lad I met in Brum all those years ago due to their enhanced melanin levels.

Metro

Nominated by arfurbrain.

and it is a cunt.

It therefore appears that most Somalians in the UK are a net drain on public resources. Not surprising perhaps if we consider the published research on the average IQ of Somalia’s population, with figures generally cited between 68 and 84. That range equating to varying degrees of learning disabled. Considering the news now coming out of the US regarding mass fraud in Minnesota by members of the same nationality, I think we can say their tendency to be a disappointing addition in civilized countries isn’t restricted to the UK. Although quite how the authorities in the US managed to be defrauded by such cretins is puzzling in itself… perhaps another sorry example of a formerly high-trust society not being equipped to deal with the behaviour of corrupt garbage from the third world?

gov.uk

Nominated by Norfolk jugs.

I stopped to buy some petrol the other day and noticed the curry wallah serving behind the counter had a long and dirty looking little fingernail.

“Are you vanting to buys manys chocolates for de girlfriends” said the cunt, mangling my beautiful mother tongue as well as offending me with his disgusting personal hygiene as he tried to flog some post-Christmas shite.

I fucking well didn’t and silently thanked contactless payment. Having a long little fingernail were historically symbols of wealth and status because you didn’t do manual labour, as well as good luck and prosperity. I assumed he wasn’t a captain of industry as he was “working at Londis garage” at 6.00am so this grubby little poopjeet was picking out his earwax and scratching himself in other bodily orifices.

Is there no end to the cultural enrichment?

Nominated by Liberal Liquidator.

is a cunt.

Required:
The patience of a saint.
Elbow length gardening gloves ( the kind you wear when removing brambles/nettles.
A drawstring bag, preferably heavy duty.

Method:
Lull cat into a sense of false security and attempt to feed tablets.
Apply antiseptic to clawed arms. Put on gardening gloves.
Corner cat, stuff in bag, tighten drawstring.
Loosen drawstring until cat pokes head out,
Retighten drawstring.
Attempt to force tablets into cats mouth.
Try again, and again, and again.

Answer door. Explain to police officer you are not torturing a baby, or a cat, or anything at all.

Give up. Release cat

Take cat to vets daily for next 10 days for injections.

£679, and counting.

www.violet

Nominated by Jeezum Priest.