May I have the privilege of introducing Mary Magdalene to IsAC? No, not THAT Mary Magdalene, but a Canadian ‘model’ who’s spent something like £380k for the purpose of turning herself into a ‘mutant hybrid apocalyptic otherworldly goddess’.
As you do.

This transformation includes extensive tattooing, getting tits like footballs, an arse like a barrage balloon, and a ‘custom designed’ fanny, meant to be ‘the fattest in the world’. Blimey and cripes.

So here you go cunters; judge for yourselves just how successful Ms Mary has been in her endeavours.

The Stun.

Now clearly her efforts have not been received with universal acclaim, and she’s been extensively trolled. ‘People judge the hell out of you’, she wails. Well to be fair dear, you can hardly blame Joe and Jane Public for being, shall we say, negative, if you decide to turn yourself into something that out-monsters Frankenstein’s best efforts. Speaking personally, I can only say that I think you need help. Perhaps you really are the stuff of some bloke’s dreams, but you’re assuredly the stuff of my nightmares.

What a narcissistic, attention-craving twat.

Nominated by : Ron Knee

The Independent Commission on UK Counterterrorism

has warned in its review that conditions in Syrian detention camps such as Al Hol and Al Roj ” constitute inhuman and degrading treatment”

It goes on to say that the “Government should facilitate the voluntary repatriation for British Nationals, including those deprived of British Nationality ”

Now then, playmates, guess who’s a detainee at Al Roj, and who’s recently lost an appeal against the removal of her British Citizenship?

Yes, it’s Shamima Begum. You are correct and win a coconut!

When will these bleeding heart cunts give it a rest?

Sly News.

As a footnote, there’s a link in the news item to a story about a ” British” girl, around 9 years old who has been repatriated from Al Hol, found living with a woman who wasn’t a relative,who can’t speak English and has no idea who she is.

How the fuck do they know she’s British, then? Soft twats!

Nominated by : Jeezum Priest

Apologies to the admins for the brevity of this cunting but I’ve just spent the last 10 minutes putting one of these fuckers on.

Elasticated bed sheets are a cunt. Especially when you are trying to fit a single bed sheet to a double bed. When pissed. I purchased badly but fortunately had a back-up sheet.

Slightly confused Dark Key, are the sheets to be used to keep the bed dry when you are pissed? C.A.

reddit.com

Nominated by Dark key Cunt.

How the mighty are fallen. Time was when the old pansy of Islington, Peter Mandelson struck fear into the hearts of journalists as he minced round the TV studios. His unctuous voice, even if it sounded as if he were sucking a cock, while he spoke, commanded, ney, demanded attention.

Just a few months ago after it turned out he was best chums with the American paedo Jeffery Epstein, the queen of New Labour lost his crown, and he lost his third government job – the late 1990s and early 2000s revisited.

Now, with his reputation (such as it was) in tatters, the pompous old poof has been reduced to drink, and pissing in the street against a strangers wall. I bet he was only sorry little Wes wasn’t passing by to lick him dry.

Daily Fail.

Nominated by : W. C. Boggs

“I think I’m in love,C.A.

“Good afternoon. This is IsAC’s political correspondent Ron Knee. I’m joined now by Chancellor Rachel Reeves, to discuss the ramifications of her Autumn budget. Thanks for joining us Rachel, or *snicker* may I call you ‘Thievin’?”

“Beast! Can’t you say something nice? *Sob* I’m going to cry again…”

“Something nice? Well let’s see… erm, you’ve got a great arse. I’d love to-”

“You awful sexist beast *sniffle*. I’m going to report you to the police for hate crime!”

“Blimey, how can saying your arse is fabulous be hateful? Anyway, least said, soonest mended. Now about the budget…”

“Keir says it was a positive triumph. A budget for the people. A budget for Britain!”

“Hang on. A budget for Britain? Growth down the toilet, inflation up, unemployment up, borrowing and debt at record levels, more broken promises on tax, another massive transfer of resources from those in work to those shirking at home and churning out kids, that’s a budget for the people?”

“Well look, times are hard. I fixed the public finances in my first budget and said I wouldn’t be back for more, except that now I am. But it’s not my fault. It’s all the fault of Brexit. And Covid. And the war in Ukraine. And fourteen years of gross mismanagement by the Tories. And economic headwinds”

“I see. Erm, what exactly are ‘economic headwinds’ anyway?”

“Well let me make sure I’ve got this right. They’re challenges or obstacles that hinder economic growth, such as global uncertainty. Or something. That’s what they tell me to say anyway, those people at the Treasury. So you see, any Chancellor would be standing here now, saying the same thing, it’s not my fault”

“So what’s your message to the increasingly hard-pressed, demoralised, and angry citizens, the workers and entrepreneurs who make up alarm clock Britain?”

“My message is that somebody’s got to pay more so that the feckless on Benefits Street can lounge about watching ‘Homes Under the Hammer’, eating pizza, drinking and smoking, and having more kids. Somebody’s got to pay to fund all those billions we spend on illegal migrants, net zero projects and foreign aid. This is what our rabid back benchers want, so dig deep, shut the hell up and get on with it”

“Well thank you Chancellor. Perhaps we’ll be here having the same conversation this time next year. But more likely not… Anyway, for now, this is Ron Knee, for IsAC, returning you to the studio”

the sun

Nominated by Ron Knee.