Cunts come in all shapes and sizes, and with any amount of objectionable attributes. Earlier I had the misfortune to encounter two of the common or garden variety (whom I’ll label ‘Little Miss Selfish’ and ‘Mr Angry’) within the space of a couple of minutes when gardening. Allow me to elaborate.
Our front garden faces onto a narrow suburban road. On the opposite side from us, somebody had parked a bloody great Toyota. As I was finishing up, up comes a little old wifey in her car, and parks on our side, virtually opposite to the Toyota. Little Miss Selfish then gets out, locks the car, and starts up the road. ‘Erm, excuse me’, says I, ‘you’ve blocked the road’, at which point she inexplicably raises her arm and says ‘you should have my poor arm’ (don’t ask me what that had to do with anything). ‘Well it can’t be that bad if you can drive’ says I, ‘can’t you move along a bit?’. At which point she mutters something about ‘they can get through alright’ and shuffles off.
Ffs, you don’t need to be Nostrodamus to guess what happened next. Along comes a second cunt who sees that he can’t get through, and promptly leans on his horn for half a minute before leaping out and heading straight for me. ‘That your fucking car?’ he bawls, ‘ you need to fucking shift it!’. ‘Nope’ says I, ‘and before you ask, I don’t who owns the Toyota either’. ‘But it’s blocking the road!’ he rages. ‘No shit’ says I, ‘what do you expect me to do about it?’. ‘Well it’s outside your house, you should phone the police’ replies Einstein. ‘Good idea’ says I, ‘I’m sure they’ll come within the next week and tow it’.
By this time I’d had enough, so gathering up my stuff, I headed through our side gate and around into our back garden, leaving Mr Angry opening and closing his gob like a goldfish. So there you have it; two prime specimens of the genus ‘cuntus vulgaris’ in rapid succession. Some mothers don’t ‘alf ‘ave ’em, and the rest of us have to put up with the fact. Cunts.
Nominated by : Ron Knee
