“Good afternoon. This is IsAC’s legal affairs correspondent Ron Knee speaking. Today I’m considering recently published guidelines from the CPS on the ways it considers that transgender people may be abused. To discuss this, I’m joined by Leo Wokeperson, from the CPS”.
“Actually since last Monday it’s Leonora. Please don’t misgender or deadname me”.
“Er, okay. Nice wig by the way”.
“Thankyou. I think it goes very well with the dress, shoes and earrings”.
“Indeed. Well, I think it fair to say that these guidelines are, to say the least, somewhat controversial”.
“Not at all. They’re aimed at preventing trans and non-binary people from experiencing abuse from a partner or parent. That’s perfectly reasonable”.
“I see where you’re coming from, but how can it be reasonable to state, for example, that refusing to pay for the costs of a partner’s transition, or failing to recognise a child’s chosen pronouns, constitutes abuse? Surely these are personal matters, not something for the CPS to become involved in”.
“On the contrary, those who won’t accept the new orthodoxy should feel the full weight of the law. They’re gammons, transphobes and bigots. They must be crushed without mercy”.
“But this is insane. Just look at the CPS’s language in these guidelines. They use terminology like ‘gender assigned at birth’ and ‘cis-gender’. The CPS is blatantly promoting the ideology of a cult, at the expense of practicality and common sense. How far does it go? Is refusing to pay for a handbag if your husband decides he’s now a woman abuse? This is unworkable”.
“Not at all. I mean, this isn’t new. For example, the CPS has been indicating to schoolgirls that they should accept boys in their toilets. It’s workable enough. What’s wrong with that?”.
“What’s wrong with it? Christ, talk about a very small tail wagging a huge dog. This is starting to verge on compelled speech and action, all to satisfy the whims of a tiny minority of deluded, mentally ill people. Where’s it all going to end up?”.
“Mmm… (flutters eyelids) how about it ending up at my place later, big boy? I’ll open a bottle of wine, slip into something more comfortable, and we can discuss matters in a much cozier and intimate fashion”.
“Actually I’m planning something more appealing, like lying in a warm bath and opening a vein. I think my time’s over. This is Ron Knee, for IsAC, returning you to the studio”.
Nominated by Ron Knee.
