The future is going to be a cunt. Not for me hopefully. I think the shit will really hit the fan in about 30 odd years or so. Hopefully I’ll be brown bread by then from old age, going peacefully in my sleep while being sucked off by a busty maiden.

But I digress. I had an epiphany of sorts about life for Citizen 38544kbf in 2057. No link of course, it’s all in my tiny little mind.

“My name is Citizen 38544kbf. This morning, I looked out of my solar panelled window from my 3 square metre living pod, to see if I could see any flying Tesla taxis. I needed to get to my place of work, the Ministry for Diversity and Inclusion, where I work as an enforcement officer.

I pointed the chip in my hand at the taxi, but I got the dreaded red flashing light. I was out of credits.

I’d forgotten that I called a she a he in the bank. I said that the moustache tricked me, but this comment was then reviewed by the chief compliance officer who revoked my week’s credit and turned off all my cyberweb access for three days too.

I then walked down the 165 floors to the ground floor. My faus pas had also prevented me from using the lift too. Exhausted, I moved out onto the street to walk to work. I got there after an hour and was summoned to attend my flagellation course. The poor moustachioed lady was there and I had to beg for her forgiveness while flogging myself with a bicycle chain.

In the end, the lady offered to couple with me. In view of the harsh penalties in dehumanising a transgender by refusing relations with them based purely on prejudicial transphobia, I felt I had no alternative but to do as she demanded. I have to admit, I was put off by the smell and taste of faeces from the lady hole, not to mention the beard, moustache and baritone WWE wrestler voice.

Still, it gave me 50 extra social credit points. I could now get the air taxi home and put the internet and television on for a few hours. Double plus good!

I’m hoping to get enough good boy points to be able to see my family who live outside my 15 minute zone. I also obtained more credits by taking in some African settlers. These are our betters and our cruel treatment of them in years past is something I am determined to put right. My campaign to get more white folk out of my complex so we could get more diverse types in might get me enough credits to buy a steak. I haven’t had one for 30 years, since before the building back better initiative started. I can’t even remember the taste, but my local MP says they taste great. She should know, she has one every day I believe.

Sadly, it takes time to settle into a new culture and Mtembe raped my neighbour’s daughter and burned the building complex down.

Obviously my fault for not making him feel welcome enough, so I fully accepted the loss of a few credits.

My next plan is to demand energy prices become completely unaffordable for most folk to save the planet.

Got to go, now it’s my alloted time to watch the BBC!”

Nominated by : Cuntybollocks

Now, I’m sure some of you lot will have had the home tests for bowel cancer, otherwise known as “poohsticks”.

Here’s a new one.

Well, don’t know about you, but I’m needlephobic, I pass out giving a blood sample, and I’m certainly not going to DIY.

What the fuck? Home phlebotomy!!
Don’t think so.

Gloucester live

Nominated by Jeezum Priest.

 
I have more or less given up commentating as it seems every day the whole human race becomes an even bigger heap of stinking shit, but this cannot pass without comment. Yesterday (Juy 8th) a group of obese men and women descended on Piccadilly in London to flaunt their perv*rsions:

At the moment shops are finding it hard to get customers through their doors and Saturday business, at one time (perhaps is still?) the optimum day for people visiting bricks and mortar outlets – more business ruined because a pile of exhibitionistic Eddie Izzard wannabees decide that they need their fifteen minutes of fame. Couldn’t they have just joined in on Buggers Day which was the previous Saturday?, with yet more businesses suffering because people are so anxious that we hear about their sordid aberrations in public. It is a pity they ever decriminalised buggery – they should bring that back as an offence (plenty of MPs would suddenly find themselves up for re-election) . Let’s do the same with men called Ethel and women called Bert. I just hope Westminster council have disinfectedthe streets with that stuff that kills 99%of all known germs – there are probaby a few UNKNOWN germs amongst that pile of fuckers.

Standard

Nominated by W C Boggs.

 
is a cunt

I have just emailed my MP (whom I suspect of being on the woker side of the Tories) as follows:

Please urge Mr Sunak to invoke the Parliament Act on the third reading of the Illegal Migration Bill in the Lords. The unrestrained influx of economic migrants with no possible claim on our charity, and the absence of any effective mechanism for returning them whence they came, have easily exceeded our capacity for accommodating them, and have already resulted in unacceptable pressure on our already strained public services: at a time when the country is broke, and its legal population exceeds the capacity of its infrastructure. If our international commitments make it necessary for us to accept immigrants who disguise their origins and who are not in any sense refugees, to the benefit of organised criminal organisations, then our international commitments are an ass. We are on the verge of civil unrest here. Yours etc.”

Cunters may care to use this as a template.
Thanks.
Komodo

Nominated by Komodo.

Yahoo News Link.

Saw this cunt and thought what a weapons grade thieving piece of council estate shit this cunt is, this mother fucker is a prolific thief who after being chased by the rossers ended up being bitten by the police dog [ good dog, hopefully he looks like a fucking werewolf and is called Satan] shame it didnt eat the cunt, probably choosy what it puts in its mouth.

Anyway back to this cunt Sonnie Stow[the cunt], this piece of monkey shit is now going to sue the police for being bitten by the dog, after trying to escape WTF has happened to this country, where fuckers like this are tolerated.

No doubt there will be some vulture of a solicitor defending this cunt, hope he gets laughed out of court so fast he dosnt have time to scratch his worthless balls.

Also feed to solicitor to Satan the police dog while your about it, the world no longer needs these vultures keeping these cunts out on our streets, Uncle Terrys place is whats required……gas mark 6.

Nominated by : Fuglyucker