Older cunters will no doubt recall the 60s Aussie group The Seekers, who were fronted by singer Judith Durham. Not so many may be aware that in fact, Judith Durham was born Judith Cock. You can understand why she felt compelled to adopt a different surname for performance purposes.

It must be a pain to have to go through life with an unfortunate surname. Cock is pretty bad, but imagine you’re a Ballsack, Bastard, Booby, Bellend or Bollock. How about being lumbered, as some poor sods are, with the name Fart (or Farter), or Fuck (or Fucker)? And let’s not forget all the Craps, Piddles, Wanks, Arses and Cunts; they’re out there, no kidding.

Then there are the those whose thoughtless parents made a bad choice for a Christian name to go with their surname; ‘Hi, I’m Richard Head. People call me Dick’, or ‘John Hass, people call me Jack’. I used to work with a guy called Dick Burns. Inevitably, people would refer to him (with a snigger) as ‘Dick Burns, the man not the disease’.

Sadly a rare combination of surnames can sometimes result in shame and ridicule being heaped upon you for no fault of your own. Back in the 60s, Villa’s midfield was made up of Jimmy Brown, Oscar Arce, and Barry Hole. Imagine being on the Holte End week in week out, listening to the opposition fans (esp. those from Small Heath Alliance) chanting ‘your midfield’s a BrownArceHole, do dah, do dah’. I still shudder with humiliation even after all these years.

Yes, an unfortunate surname can be a Twatt of a thing, a proper Schitt in fact. If you’re a Smith or a Jones, remember that it could be worse. Much worse.

house of names

Nominated by Ron Knee.

 
A well deserved cunting for Arla Foods and Lurpak butter.

Why, you may ask could butter qualify for a 12-bore double-barrelled cunting.
These cunts have just reduced the sizes of their packs of Lurpak by 20% but, in their words when I phoned them “to keep the price point affordable in these difficult times”
What a load of horseshit, this is 20% shrinkflation. The crafty cunts have used a slightly differently shaped and similar height container with the same sized lid to disguise the loss of 100g. The original pack had 500g prominently displayed, the “new improved we care about you, price point” container only has the weight on the base. The block butter has also been “increased in size from 250g up to 200g, right out of fucking 1984.
The original 500g price in Morrison’s was £3.75. The “New” 400g pack was on “special offer” for £2.75 reduced from £3.75. Bait and switch, so that in a couple of weeks the “special price” reverts to the old price. So much for those crocodile tears, caring a fuck about “the cost of living crisis”

I bought 4packs without noticing the change, until I got home and started a pack. Noticed the weight reduction and took the lot back for a refund. After a bit of fuss, Morrison’s refunded my money. Went to Lidl, bought their own brand offering, 500g at £2.19. Fuck Lurpak, bollocks to Arla and sod Morrisons for this conspiracy to defraud the public.

Had to go to Morrisons again, noticed some 500g packs left, got them at the reduced price. I am a tightfisted cunts and don’t like being fucked around, so a small victory for once. It’s Lidl for most stuff now.

FINALLY:-
If you’ve watched the very expensive Lurpak advert, “Just cook”, I think it’s better stated as “Just Crooks”. CUNTS.

Other “brands indulging in “shrinkflation” Cathedral City 350g going to 300g and Anchor 500g to 400g and 250g to 200g. Plus loads of things even “own brands” being hiked, Morrison’s, that’s YOU, canned soups 49p 2 yes ago, now 85p. Fuck em,

Rant over.

Mirror

Nominated by Sheikh Anvakh.

 
In fact I would go as far as to say that it is a massive pile of steaming horse shite of a cunt.

I live in the Lincolnshire country side and feel privileged in doing so. I have a dog and have fields footpaths and woods near by in which I can walk the little fucker. Being a responsible dog walker I pick his shit up and put it in a bin.

Horse owners ride their horses around the same fields paths and woods but never clean up after their horse as left a stone of shit on the floor. Why? small shovel or trowel shopping bag and take it home for your roses you cunt.

Apparently councils do not have the power to make riders clean up after their nags.

So there you have it dog owners can get fined horse owners can’t. What a pile of fucking bullshit.

get surrey

Nominated by Everyonesacunt.

Here we go again, another cunt, this time in the form of Wilf Emmanuel-Jones.

It’s the same old criticism at the time when England Women won the Euros, they were too fucking white.

This time Wilf looked at a picture of some of the England squad at the World Cup and declared they were all blue eyed blondes, I think he needs an eye test because out of the 7 in the picture, one was a mixed race and the goalkeeper has dark hair, but they don’t represent diverse Britain.

Well it’s fucking England not Britain but that aside it represents the best that England can turn out, not a diversity quota.

This will never end until all our sporting teams are just like the women’s sprint relay squad, all fucking black, but where are the Muslims. Aren’t there more Muslims in the UK than blacks?

What an absolute cunt.

Daily Fail Link.

Nominated by : Sick of it

Reported today in the Daily Mail 21/08/2023 7am. A shooting, an armed attack injuring at least 4 people at the “Kabaddi Grounds” in Derbyshire. As competing Asian Enricher’s did battle. Reporting from the scene the Panjab Broadcasting Channel ( yes there is one ) stated that swords and firearms were used.

Police reinforcements ( most armed ) attended the scene. I understand that NO Camels or GOATS were injured in the melee.

My cunting is this. The photos shown in the Mail could have been taken anywhere in Pakistan. We have effectively allowed into our country a 3rd world army who have acquired sufficient numbers to change culture and society.

FFS Kabbadi Grounds, Panjab Broadcasting Service, Swords, Guns!!!

And meanwhile our Government sleeps.

Daily Fail Link. (Link provided by Jeezum Priest)

Mirror Link.
Express Link.
(Additional links provided by our Medieval Correspondent, Night Admin because the headlines are funnier – NA)

Nominated by : Trebecular