“Good afternoon. This is IsAC’s cultural affairs correspondent Ron Knee speaking. It seems that with the arrival of the new year, one of Hollywood’s A+listers is planning a major relaunch of her already glittering career. Never one to rest on past triumphs, Meghan Markle is now about to launch on a project to put herself in charge behind the camera as well as in front of it. I’m joined now from LA by her p.r. guru, Max Asshatt, to discuss this exciting development. Welcome”
“Howdy Ron. Great to speak to y’all over in little ol’ UK England”
“Er…yes. So Max, what are the plans then?”
“Well, the Doochess reckons it’s time to put her massive talent to use from the director’s chair, helpin’ other actors to benefit from her own wealth of experience”
“Indeed. So could you talk us through the possibilities then?”
“Y’know, nuthin’s actually defin-ite yet. Ah mean, it’s kinda awkward workin’ out a schedule, bearin’ in mind the Doochess’s yumanitarian commitments, red carpet engagements, pickin’ up awards left right an’ centre, starrin’ in a ‘Suits’ reboot, an’ pennin’ her memoir about her scandalous treatment at the hands of the royals”
“Oh go on, give us a hint at least”
“Well we’re chewin’ over a couple of ideas. One is a ‘re-imaginin’ of ‘Gone With The Wind’, with the Doochess directin’ herself as a mixed race gal who falls in forbidden love with that Ratt Bootleg in antibellum Georgia. Brad Pitt is beggin’ to co-star. Second up, there’s ‘Log Cabin to White House’, where the Doochess directs herself as herself. This follows her life from birth as one of twelve children in a one room cabin in Tennessee, to her election as POTUS. Rachel Zegler is just gaggin’ to play the younger Meghan, from her birth to her triumph as the lead in the series ‘Suits’.
“Er, hang on. Isn’t it Dolly Parton who was raised dirt poor in Tennessee? Meghan’s a valley girl isn’t she?”
“Yeah ok, but hey, it’s a touchin’ good story. Give us a bit of dramatic licence will ya? I mean, we’re talkin’ Golden Globes, we’re talkin’ Oscars. *bring bring* hold it buddy. I gotta take this. Hello? Brad? Lissen pal, I keep tellin’ ya. Nuthin’s bin decided yet. Don’t call us, we’ll call you…”
“So there we have it. A mega year in prospect for mega Meghan. Like me, I’m sure that you can barely contain your excitement. This is Ron Knee, for IsAC, returning you to the studio”
Express News
Nominated by: Ron Knee
(Next, scientists will claim the Sun shines out of her gaping arsehole! – Day Admin)