Here’s a good ‘un for all you IsAC cynics to enjoy. It seems that forty asylum seekers on board the rat ship ‘Bibby Stockholm’ are converting to Christianity. Well praise Lord and shout ‘Hallelujah!’.

Pull the other fucker, it’s got bells on. This is just another in a long line of wheezes that these shithouses and their money-sucking lawyers are utilising to ‘game’ the asylum system in order to stay in the UK. For instance, had no luck with the ‘me bummy boy, me dead man in Shiteistan’ line? Or even more bizarrely, ‘me am convicted rapist in UK, me be stoned to death in Tehran’? Well, get into the old ‘Jesus Saves’ routine.

Naturally conversion involves being committed to the Bible’s ‘Golden Rule’, and to following Christ’s ‘Sermon on the Mount’ instruction to ‘turn the other cheek’, something which Muslim converts take particularly seriously.

Take for example Abdul Ezedi, the sex offender turned chemical hurler who was allowed to stay in the UK after some Holy Joe vouched for his conversion. People who knew this cunt have since described him as ‘a good Muslim’. Take Emed al-Swealmeen, who was confirmed at Liverpool Cathedral in 2017, and who blew himself up when he detonated a bomb outside Liverpool Women’s Hospital in 2021. A Koran and a prayer mat were later found in his flat. Take Uddin Mazari, who was granted asylum after ‘conversion’ in 2010. In 2017 he was jailed for gbh with intent, and sentenced to deportation latterly. I’d wager that the fucker is still here. Take…

YouTube

Etc etc.You get the picture I’m sure, and you’ll see a theme developing here. I contend that at best, church authorities are being naive when dealing with these claims to conversion, and at worst, are actively colluding to frustrate and defy the working of the asylum system.

Recent comments of the Archbish of Cunterbury refer. As far back as 2016, the former Dean of Liverpool Cathedral, Peter Wilcox, stated that 200 asylum seekers had been baptised in the cathedral in the previous four years. In a forthright manner, Wilcox declared ‘I can’t think of a single example of somebody who already had British citizenship actually converting from Islam to Christianity’.

No shit Sherlock. Mmm, I wonder why that could possibly be?

Now I’m not claiming that all conversions are bogus. However if I was a gambling man, I’d put money on some of them (say conservatively 99.9%) being just that. We’re being hoodwinked. We’re being laughed at. We’re being fucked over. Bring on a change of government. Labour will sort it out, never fear.

They’re coming to take me away ho ho he he ha to the funny farm…

LBC News

Nominated by: Ron Knee

for depriving burglars the opportunity to rob their house.

Guardian

I didn’t know if I should laugh, or cry, when I read this.
Is he feeling sorry for the burglars?
Glad that the crime figures are lower?
Suggesting that every household should have someone wfh all the time, because it discourages burglary?

I’m really not sure that someones physical presence is much of a deterrent, unless they happen to be a 200lb gorilla. Work from home, by all means, but get a GSD, or a Rottie, just for the company of course.

Nominated by Jeezum Priest.

(..and no, before you crack the bleedin’ obvious joke, this ain’t Diane Abbott or Katie Price on their day off!! – Day Admin)

How many of us have ever heard of the alligator snapping turtle, I wonder? Certainly not me, perhaps because it’s a native of the Florida swamps. Yet one has been found in a Cumbrian tarn and named Fluffy by a local vet.

This uninvited, invasive species from one of our erstwhile colonies is known to be dangerous, so our esteemed Prime Miniature wants to deport it to Rwanda.

Claiming that his aggression is due to mental health issues, Fluffy has enlisted a team of Turtle Rights Lawyers, at our expense, to fight his deportation. Luckily, the Rev Dick Head, vicar of St Fuckwits, Penrith, says Fluffy has converted to Christianity and will likely face death if returned to his native land.

Fluffy has now applied to become a British citizen, and the Home Office are fast tracking his case so it will come up for consideration in just 10 years time.

And who is the cunt in this story? Well obviously not the turtle but the stupid bastard who bought it, discovered the thing could grow to 90 kilograms and would cost a fortune to feed and keep warm, then dumped it in a lake. What a fucking irresponsible cunt.

BBC News

Nominated by: Geordie Twatt

(Very funny nom, mate. Good one! – Day Admin)

This has annoyed me for fucking years but today I experienced it five times in just over an hour, in Cardiff city centre.

It must be unimaginable to some cunts that someone else has been traipsing around for hours and might welcome the respite of a few seconds whilst being transported up a floor.

They must get to their all-important assignation or appointment a whole 5 seconds earlier than they would have done by staying still on the thing. Crisis averted.

The last cunt bashed into me and didn’t apologise, I asked him why he did not use the stairs that were nearby, I was told to mind my own business. This cunt was wearing a vest and shorts as well, so possibly using the thing as exercise equipment.

Any cunt walking or running on an escalator should be fucking electrocuted at the other end.

Nominated by: Mary Hinge

Yes, we have met up with some of these London types who have moved up here to escape the takeover of Londinium by the usual suspects!

My wife calls them friends, but I call them knobheads. And snooty knobheads at that.

Anyway, a couple of nights ago we were invited to a dinner party with them and 10 more of their equally knobheaded chums. All very plush with dinner plates and about 10 rows of cutlery and napkins and all sorts of posh bollocks just so that the hosts could show off their wealth in their rather posh home just outside Windermere.

I will admit the food was excellent, as was the drink. And to some extent the topic of conversation. However, as the drink flowed the hosts and their friends became ever more candid and it quickly became apparent that they were nothing more than plastic woke-types who believe everything they read in the Guardian and tick all the usual trending news headlines such as immigration, Brexit, net zero and all that shite.

It was very hard for me to restrain my temper as these cunts supported open borders, detested Brexit (and this government) and wanted more people off the roads and on public transport.

The massive irony here is that they both drive ICE cars, they both travel 20 odd miles too and from work every day; they have gas central heating, and take trips abroad at least twice sometimes three times every year!

Their lack of self awareness/irony was amazing. And I was so tempted to pull them up about it, but the missus pleaded with me to STFU.

This just underlines the two-faced hypocrisy of these plastic woke warriors. Very vocal about telling the masses what they can and can’t do (especially at street demos), but then doing the exact opposite for themselves.

Nominated by Technocunt.