Cuntfest 2013

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FNB Stadium in Soweto

The Great Nelson Mandela Memorial Tribute in the FNB Stadium Soweto. Bit of a mouthful, so let’s just call it “Cuntfest 2013” to keep things simple.

According to some quality reporting in the Torygraph, 91 heads of state including Cameron (the Queen is our head of state you cunts!), Miliband and Clegg (duh!?), Hollande, Merkel, Obama, Mugabe, Tony Abbot, Jose Barrossa (the EU is not a fucking state!),King Willem Alexander of the Netherlands, Crown Prince Felipe and Prime Minister Mariano Rajoy of Spain, Dilma Rousseff, Mahmoud Abbas, Pranab Mukherjee.

10 former heads of state including Gordon Brown (who still isn’t the Queen, you twats), Tony Blair, John Major, the entire Clinton family, George W Bush, Jimmy the peanut king Carter.

And let’s not forget the really important people like Bono (obviously), Annie Lennox, Peter Gabriel, Bill Gates, half the Spice Girls (the other half had more sense), Oprah Winfrey, Naomi Campbell.

Yes, absolutely, together with many, many others this is indeed a positive cornucopia of cuntishness, a Cuntfest to end all Cuntfests!! A veritable cuntopia!

And how apt they are holding it in a football stadium – perhaps as a rehearsal for “Cuntfest 2014” which I gather is taking place in Brazil?

Nominated by: Dioclese

Monty Python

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pythons

Five Dead Cunts Walking and one old slapper.

Oxbridge mafia up their own arses unfunny type cunts. Well not entirely true – the camp doctor cunt snuffing it with aids amused one rather. Now out on a tired old tossers last tour at a mill a pop the geriatric cunts. Soon as the wankers got their publicity it emerged that they were doing a world tour as well. Screwing the fans to the last. Just so that metal hipped cunt Cleese can afford to marry another ambulance chasing gold digger.

All be dead soon hopefully. Well you’ve got to look on the bright side of life.

Nominated by: Sir Limply Stoke

And the old slapper is not quite what she was, is she…
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…bet she’s glad she didn’t go for those cheap French jobbies now, eh? Ed.

James Blunt [3]

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Apparently, James Blunt was a soldier in the Balkan conflict. I will never ever forgive the Serbians for not taking out the tone deaf, simpering, shit singing turd of a man. Hang your heads in shame Serbia you could have prevented that pop based monstrosity and you didn’t.

Nominated by : London cunt

Back in the 60’s we had Leonard Cohen and his best selling album “Music to Slit Your Throat By”. Fuck me was that cunt depressing! Now we’ve got James Blunt. Mind you, you have to take your hat off to a bloke who can write a song about suicide and turn it into the most popular song ever for weddings!

But then marriage is an institution – and who the fuck want’s to live in an institution?

James Blunt – a Leonard Cohen for the 21st century. FFS!

Nominated by: ChasCMusic

Dead Pool [6]

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dead pool 6

* * * * WE HAVE A WINNER! * * * *
Congratulations to Ollie Burton’s Grandad who correctly guessed the next cunt to kick the cunting bucket … therefore becoming a dead cunt.

Ollie correctly predicted “Well I reckon that the ex terrorist and Lime quarry Worker Nelson Mandela will be the next cunt to cop his fucking wack, the fucker has been living on borrowed time for a while now; here’s hoping for 2 in a row!”

Well done! OK – it took a while this time round and you now have your two in row – so it’s a play off between you and Dioclese for the first hat trick.

Ollie wins a guest post on the subject of his choice. Just send it to dioclese@virginmedia.com and we’ll tart it up and post it.

The slate has been wiped clean and everyone gets to pick a new ‘dead cunt walking’ as we move on to The Dead Pool 6.
One rule change and in case you’re new to the world of predicting bucket kicking cunts, here’s a refresher:

1. Nominate who you think is next on the way out.
You can have a maximum of three cunts each. Leave names in the Comments.

2. You win if your Cunt dies first.
Then the slate is wiped clean and we start again. Of course, you can always be a cunt and steal someone else’s dead cunt candidate from the last Dead Pool.

Any cunt who tries to cheat by nominating the World’s Oldest Man or Woman is a cunt and will be ignored. The winner gets a dedicated Dead Pool Champion post and kudos of cuntishness aplenty. Oh, and the usual “Our Blog Our Rules” thing applies.

Good luck and please address all T-shirt orders to Flaxen Saxon…

The Great British Public

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Barring the odd back bencher, the whole of the Houses of Commons and Lords are disgusting, vile, evil bastards, half of whom should be in prison for corruption, child abuse, war mongering, treason and god knows what else.

Sick of this cuntry, picking on the poor. Pissing on the disabled. Blaming immigrants who only come here to better their lives (more fool them). The real problem is tax avoidance and tax evasion by the very people who oppress us, fucking bastards.

The royal family, that skanky old bitch could end poverty in Britain with one stroke of a pen but does she? The evil fuck. Hell no. All that money spent on illegal wars to get their grubby hands on oil and smack. It isn’t your money Cameron you cunt its ours, fucking slag.

We, the British, are cunts for putting up with this shit. What the fuck is wrong with us? aarrgghhh!!!!!!

Nominated by: London cunt