Again, I`m not nominating sharks for a cunting – they just do what they do.
To steal a quote from Jaws: “All this machine does is swim and eat and make little sharks and that’s all.”

No, I`m cunting the morons who knowingly (or cretinously) enter shark-infested waters and then get bits bitten off. The ones that don`t have the common decency to be entirely consumed, that is.

In any case, it`s easy to avoid shark attacks. Here are a few ideas – maybe YOU can do better? …
■ Stay dry: Sharks only attack people who are wet.
■ Dress up as a shark: They`re thick and won`t notice you.
■ Learn to read: That sign over there says Sharks – stay out of the water.

I`ll leave you with a final quote: “You`re going to need a bigger boat.”
(Said the French coast guard to the intended migrants).

bbcnews

Nominated by Sam Beau.

I am currently (26/4) standing at the Snig Hill bus stop after work. Once again, the 22:42 hasn’t turned up and I will have to wait until 22:56 for the next bus. Why is is that this keeps happening? Is it the driver wanting an early night? Maintenance/breakdown issues?

Has the service been pulled without notice because of a lack of profitability? Whatever the reason, it’s a fucking pisstake.

Sheffield Star

Nominated by Opinionated Cunt.

Long overdue, but I’m going to cunt the naivety/gullibility of your average Yank.

Having recently moved from somewhere with a Scouse postcode (which is about as crime-ridden as you can get) and relocated to Plymouth (another lowlife-infested-shithole) we naturally take precautions such as locking all our windows and doors and garaging the car and not venturing out in the hours of darkness.

My wife watches all these true crime programmes and can’t believe how thick their average victim of crime can possibly be.

Bear in mind that their society is riddled with obese bearded shorts-wearing comic book readers who have never seen a real pussy on the one hand, and overpopulated with dark-key serial rapist-sodomy-obsessed-psychopathic mass murderers we can’t believe how blinkered they are.

Whenever a girl gets abducted,raped,strangled,beheaded their response is “how can this happen? We live in such a safe neighborhood (their spelling, not mine)

Imagine this scenario; high school heartthrob Tiffany decides to go out alone at 10pm on her bike to hang out with her under-achieving pals at the mall.she thinks nothing of going out with the shortest possible pair of denim “Daisy Dukes” causing a wedgie not up her ass but her pussy as well.

She doesn’t notice Cleetus sitting in his rusty old pickup truck swigging from a bottle of cheap bourbon wrapped in a brown paper bag wanking away to an old spunk-stained copy of “b@r3ly L3g@l …. etc
Two days later her distraught family ….etc…
How predictably tragic .
No wonder there are so many police out there.

Nominated by: cuntator

You hear a lot about ‘Conjoined twins’ .

It’s bollocks.

They’re two headed women as any carny will tell you.

Recently, a yank named Josh Bowling married Abbey Hensel.
She has 2 heads.
But josh is only married to one.

So when Josh is banging his wife he’s also rooting his sister in-law!

Far out.

This is apparently quite common in the states.

It’s kinky, weird, disgusting and a bit of a turn on admittedly.

Our very own Mr Cuntengine due to be going stateside will no doubt get in on.the action!

Have a look.
Conjoined?.
2 fuckin nuts.

Metro

Nominated by Miserable Northern Cunt.

Jesus Christ this is getting exhausting. Every day two new Swift articles pop up, her awkward pointy features in massive article headers, and titles kissing her arse and making her out to be the world’s greatest woman. Am i missing something here? I was under the impression that the BBC was supposed to be neutral and not prompted particular ‘products’, yet the continuous marketing campaign, is either for that theoried election psy-op, or her agent gave them a load of cash.

Anyway, the latest gutter trash article from the formerly renowned BBC is about two depressed ‘Swifties’ in their 30s (their THIRTIES. As if that wasn’t sad enough since her market is late teenage girls) looking for guidance from Miss Swift on relationship woes. Here’s a bit of advice, ladies, perhaps don’t go around in your 30’s calling yourselves Swifties and worshipping a woman famous for being unable to hang onto a man.

Apparently they’re finding solace in Taylor Swift being as hapless a failure as they are when it comes to forging successful relationships. The only difference is Swift has successfully turned break-ups into a lucrative business every time she releases a more-of-the-same song about getting over another ex. It’s so powerful that not one of those ex’s have given a shit.

The big takeaway from the article is that modern dating is hard (no shit) and that people are waiting far too long, are too indecisive and are wasting time. A lot of women, like the two in the article, end up as depressed, childless, husbandless, lost sheep with only the bottle for company. It’s a pretty depressing end to 60+ years of life. Yeah, that IS pretty depressing.

Of course they’re all completely blind and blame everything on men, completely without awareness that women shoulder likely over half of the blame for this mess. As for Swift, is it any wonder she can’t hold a man when she’s off touring for 90% of the year, and is an anti-Republican Country singer. Two things that go together like Macaroni and Chee…rios.

So to Taylor Swift, fair play…milk the idiots dry.

To the sad sacks still absolutely obsessing over her over the age of 23, it’s really time to grow up…

Oh, and to the BBC, fuck off because ‘other artists are available’.

Nominated by Migrane.

I’ve let you off without a link because it’s obvious to anyone who has looked at the BBC web page or turned on a BBC radio station that your assertion is correct. Though I cannot agree that she has a rat face C.A.