Body Positive Movement

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Any chance of a cunting for the body positive movement or BOPO as its known to idiots who cant handle full words.

Its a campaign to make it acceptable for women (not men, funny that) to be obese land whales and that society should not judge them because they are beautiful etc etc , but fail to mention that it costs around 50 billion a yr to the NHS to sort the blubbering arseholes health problems out , which the campaign does not mention.

I smoke, not heavily, but do enjoy a nice hand made fag and I am lambasted everywhere for not being allowed to smoke indoors anymore, overly taxed for my pleasure and to top it all off the bloody fag packets have no design anymore and are just a blackened lung or a dead baby .

Why do I bring this up? Well the cost that smokers bring to the NHS is only 5 billion, monumentally less then the amount the lard arses cost all of us and not a single word said about it in case of hurting feelings. Fuck off, you pussy minded twats, its not BOPO , its called diabetes,cronic heart congestion, and being glued to a mobility scooter cos your legs cant take your enormous bulk anymore, cunt.

Nominated by The sheriff of Cuntingham

Royal Mail (3)

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Since we’re on the subject of shite institutions, I’m nominating the Royal Mail. Like a lot of the country, my part of England endured the kind of downpour that would have worried Noah. We currently have a new postie who, like a number of his predecessors, is a complete fuckwit of a cock womble. Even when it rains, this brain donor carries the post for the next few houses in his hand, instead of his bag like he’s supposed to.

Unlike us non-retards, there are a number of posties who seem oblivious to the fact that letters, which are generally made of paper, do not respond well to getting soaked. Yesterday, I received an A4 sized envelope which contained copies of my pension statements and details, which I’d had to send to the British Legion for a matter they’re helping me with. The envelope was so wet, it had disintegrated before the dumb shit had even brought it anywhere my house.

Consequently, a lot of personal info such as my NI number, bank details, pension details, full name, date of birth and even my Army service number became available to the postie. Now I’m not accusing him of stealing my identity or anything like that. However, it needed to be signed for and nobody was home at the time he tried to deliver it, which means it spent the night at the local sorting office, where EVERY Royal Mail employee who worked there had open access to it.

So this morning, after picking up my soggy mass of papier mache, I made a call to the main office in Manchester and got through to the lovely Charmain, who made it clear that she could not have given less of a fuck. After struggling to keep my calm, and threatening to make a personal appearance, I was put through to a manager, who turned out to be only marginally more intelligent than Charmain. Nice bloke though, I’ll give him that. He wasn’t sure what it was that I wanted apparently, and seemed surprised when I told him that I wanted the offending postie spoken to and reprimanded for not doing his fucking job properly.

He said that he’d look into it, but somehow I’m not convinced that will happen. How is possible that a supposed adult could not summon the wit to put the mail he was responsible for, into his fucking post bag, to stop it getting wet? So, Royal Mail, what a bunch of cunts.

Nominated by Quick Draw McGraw.

Mindfulness or Mind full?

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I would like to give Mindfulness a good cunting.

This is a concept that I’ve heard a lot about lately and is popular with employers seeking to dodge their obligations to their employees. It is what used to be called living in the moment,so when things are getting a bit much, you need to contemplate the sun shining through the window,say,or have a mental picture of a lovely place you can go to.

So when my employer treated us to a course to learn about this old wank today, I imagined one cunt of a colleague trapped in a burning lift then another being repeatedly kicked in the bollocks and I must say I did feel a pleasant glow.

Nominated by Mary Hinge.

Chinese Football Fans

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Chinese ‘football fans’ are cunts….
Clueless fucking knobheads who don’t know their Accrington Stanleys from their Arsenals, and class ‘supporting’ a team ‘online’ (ie: social cunting media) as being a ‘real fan’…
The sort of clueless pricks who worship the likes of Wayne Rooney, but have to google Roy Keane or Eric Cantona to find out who they actually are, and don’t even know that Matt Busby even existed… This picture says it all… Absolute wankers and anyone who wants to go out with Phil Jones has to be either inbred or a mong… Maybe Morrissey (for all his faults) was right, with his suggestion the Chinese are a subspecies…

Nominated by Norman.

The Scottish

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I’m in a bad mood this morning. I need to cunt someone.
Today I think I’ll choose:THE SCOTTISHWhat a bunch of arseholes!Don’t get me wrong. I actually like the Scots on a personal level. The Scots I’ve worked with and drunk with in the past were OK fellas but all they do is moan, moan, fuckin moan.

They get a vote on independence and vote to stay in the UK even though pretty much everyone wants them to fuck off.

Then they moan, moan, fuckin moan about England and vote for those incompetent, miserable lefty’s the fucking SNP just because they hate the English.

We all know that the only reason that they stayed in the UK is because they knew that they’d be a bunch of bankrupt nobodys that would no longer be able to blame the English for their problems if they’d left.

You hate the UK because you don’t want to be ruled from Westminster (you have a devolved parliament you cunts) yet you voted to sign it all away to the fourth reich.

Will they give you powers over your own laws and tax? I think not.

Will they give a shit about your fishing or industries? I think not.

Will they put up with your constant fuckin moaning? Fuck no!

And neither will I. I’m fuckin sick of Scotland and those lingering, malignant cunts the SNP.

And Nicola Sturgeon! …what a disgusting, whining, deluded, super cunt she is!! Her cuntitude is only surpassed by 2016 isac world champion Tim Farron. Maybe …Blair. …Abbott. …Miller. …
OK. There are bigger cunts about but not many!
She was in the running and she wasn’t far off!
She said that the brexit vote was about racism and xenophobia.
Scotland is by far the most racist country in the world! …but I guess it doesn’t count if it’s against the English. (Yes I know the English don’t technically qualify as a “race” but fuck it).
The only reason the SNP were ever voted to power in the first place is because of racism.

I recently heard Alex salmond moaning on the radio about the brexit vote. How he chirped with delight “the pound has tanked!”

Then sign up to the Euro, pledge allegiance to Junkers, Schultz and all those other cunts and FUCK OFF!

…Oh. …but they don’t want you either!

Cunts.

….ahhhh that’s better.

 

Nominated by DeploytheSausage