The BAFTAs [3]

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Oh fuck no! Get in from a lovely day on the links, fish supper in hand, settle down in front of the idiot lantern (before Morpheus wisps me away in a sea air fuelled slumber), and fuck me it’s the BARF-TA awards.

All the birds done out in bin bags to show support to the mass hysteria of #pleasepleasepleaseincludemetoo why don’t the cunts just wear burkahs and tick two virtue-signalling boxes in one fell swoop.

Needless to say the EE new talent was the cunt playing the black panther. He’s also nominated for best actor for his turn in “Get Out” – which was half-decent but not BARF-TA or Oscar material – but I doubt he’ll win that when Oldman is doing Churchill (you know that racist cunt who saved the whole if Europe from Germany, just so that Germany could gift it to “peaceful” cunts 65yrs later). But who knows in this fucked up day and age.

Also why is every award twosome I’ve seen thus far of the “Modern TV Advert Family/Couple” variety? I mean for fuck’s sake ABBC talk about force-feeding unreality down every cunt’s throat! And I’m paying for the fucking privileged!!! ???

……Oh! – and notice the sideways snip at FX cunts by the “actors” not to model them in the future!

‘Cos those cunts know their time is short before studio bosses pay a one-off fee to use their image and then fuck them off, and their demands, and their tantrums, and their not turning up for a day’s work cos they’re “not in the right place today”.

No that’s baaaad, but importing cheap scum labour to keep indigenous wages low and replacing real people with real live lives (and manufacturing jobs) with robots is perfectly ok with them! Two Faced elitist cunts!

……and the Jackson Five with fiddles doing the eulogy tribute music. I mean COME ON!!!!!

Fuck off BARF-TA you cunts and God cunt the United Cunts of AL-BB-CERA!!! Fucking box-ticking, virtue-signalling, neo-liberal fascist cunts!

Nominated by Rebel without a Cunt!

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Nominated by Rebel without a Cunt!

KFC national disaster

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Our intrepid reporter Hugh Chattering Islington Cunt hit the road to investigate the national crisis at KFC.

The shortage of the nation’s favourite finger lickin’ has left vast swathes of Britain in despair.

In the township of Tottenham the natives are restless. Large queues have formed at rival outlets. Dallas and Texas Fried chicken have recorded record sales of their finest halal poultry.

In south London, in Peckam and Brixton, the youth are wandering the streets aimlessly searching for their food of choice. Some  children are being treated for starvation at branches of McDonald’s and Burger King. Even there, supplies of chicken nuggets are in short supply and may have to be injected intravenously to those in most critical need.

Fried chicken addicts have been swamping A & E departments, suffering from withdrawal symptoms. The NHS has cancelled all non-urgent hospital appointments.

The Disaster Emergencies Commitee have launched an appeal, spearheaded by Oxfam and Save the Children. Four Hercules transport planes have been dispatched to Atlanta, Georgia where they will be loaded with fresh supplies of the Colonel’s finest from the south eastern US.

Waitrose reports sales of organic, free range chicken, have skyrocketed as the middle classes dust down their Jamie Oliver cookbooks to prepare home made nuggets for their youngsters.

Reaction from politicians has been swift.

David Lammy blasted the government for not doing enough for his Tottenham constituents. In nearby  Harringay, Dining About told me “This is a disgrace. Black people are suffering and the government stands by and does nothing”

Jeremy Corbyn has blamed the private sector for cost cutting. ” A Labour government would consider nationalisation as an option” he opined.

Police forces up and down the land are monitoring the situation. Cressida Dick of the Metropolitan Police reassured the public ” We will maintain law and order, riot police are on standby and all police leave has been cancelled”

Mavis May will be chairing a COBRA meeting at 11am today.

We will bring you updates as this developing crisis unfolds.

By Hugh Chattering Islington-Cunt.

Justin Trudeau

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Justin Trudeau (of Canada) NEEDS to be given a good cunting. I am shocked that no one has cunted him yet.

This soft, trendy little snowflake CUNT, wants to create an “integration fund” with taxpayer money to bring back former Canadians who left to fight for ISIS!! This “politician”, is a pro-terrorism, P.C fucking joke that stopped being funny a long time ago. He is even seen merrily prancing around in a pink t-shirt that says “sharing is caring” – referring to “non-whites’, that are treated as first-class citizens while the native white man that has developed this country for centuries gets kicked to the dirt.

To add kerosene to the fire, this sad fucking cuck cunt, is an avid activist for the feminist agenda, and all of they’re evil cuntery. Justin, you are a pathetic excuse of a leader, you cunt!

Justin; you are officially nominated. Let the cunting begin!!

Nominated by The Walking Cunt

Being, or the expectation that one should be “Woke” deserves a thorough cuntificaton. Justin Trudeau corrected some bint that was gushing at the the retarded midget mong about how wonderful and progressive a force he is for mankind or some such wanky fagotry.

That’s bad enough as it stands but Trudeau comes back and corrects her use of mankind and suggest raping around with the English language some more to include the new super progressive term he would prefer. Peoplekind. Twitter et al proceed to explode because that’s what they’re for. The conversation was essentially who is more woke the bint or the Queen’s bitch in Canada, Trudeau. It’s would be literally impossible to give a flying fuck about these cunts and the pointless noises they make even if one made a special effort to.

Nominated by fuckwit

Brendan Cox [2]

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Mail On Sunday – 2015


I know he’s been nominated before but the white helmet enabling, self serving, lefty arseflute known as Brendan Cox deserves another cunting.

The shitweasel is a serial groper using his position in organisations to feel up his co-workers and subordinates while virtue signalling and profiting from his widower victim status.

Seems the slimeball has had his day and admits what a dirty, fanny grabbing, hypocritical lefty shithead he really is.

Nominated by Cuntspack of Notredame

Shani Davis

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I offer up to you what is in my eyes the Cunt Colossus of last week Shani Davis.

This heavily suntanned Americunt speed skater lost a coin toss to a White Americunt athlete to decide which cunt carried the Americunt flag at the Winter Olympic games opening ceremony.

So what you say? This piece of outdated farm equipment then went on twatter to play the usual race card, didn’t turn up for the ceremony and anyone who criticises him is racist. That’ll be me then.

Oh, and his name is Shani. Should be Shami. The names Leather, Shami Leather…coming to an empty cinema near you. Black Panther will be a cunt. A violent cunt I predict…

Nominated by Findus C Pancake