Earlier today the wife and I had a ride out so that she could buy me lunch out of her premium bond winnings.

In the café we ended up in I was much taken with the idea of a bacon, lettuce and tomato toasted sandwich; at least that is, I found when it arrived that the bread had been liberally spread with guacamole. That snot substitute is bad enough on its own, never mind as a pollutant on a sandwich. To make matters worse, the guy at the next table ordered a tuna and cheddar cheese toastie with mayonnaise. The caff also had some horror described as a cheese, chives and Marmite scone on offer. Fuck me, who thought that one up?

There are some really weird combos about that people seem to enjoy. For instance my pal Big Al enjoys nothing more than bacon and eggs for breakfast, but with his own particular embellishments. He mashes a banana in milk to put on his bacon, and covers his eggs in strawberry or raspberry jam. Nothing as commonplace as tomato sauce for the big man.

I’m sure there are many horror food pairings out there, as people indulge their peculiar peccadilloes. The worst one I ever saw was that beloved of a pal at school, who would always save some gravy to put on his rice pudding when his mom made it for dessert.

Weird and wonderful. Must try this one of these days;

Looks great to dip your chips in, don’t you think?

youtube

Nominated by Ron Knee.

“Good afternoon. This is IsAC’s cultural affairs correspondent Ron Knee reporting. Today I bring you another world exclusive interview, this time with *ahem* glamour model and ‘influencer’ Katie Price, direct from her prison cell no less”

” ‘Allo Ron darlin’, long time no see. Innit”

“Well Katie, you failed to turn up to court yet again to discuss matters relating to your bankruptcy, jetting off to Turkey for yet another facelift instead”

“Yeah well, gettin’ me mug sorted’s very important in mah line uv work, same as gettin’ me teef an’ tits an’ that done. Ah’d uv fought the jadge would’ve granted me a bit uv leniency ander the circumstarnces, ‘specially as ‘e fancies me. Can’t take ‘is eyes of ’em, the dirty ol’ git. Innit”

“The thing is Katie, you keep on doing this. How many times have you failed to show up so far when you’ve been charged for various offences? It’s amazing that you’ve not received a custodial sentence before now”

“Yeah, or even sent ta prison. Bat the jadge knows ah’m a workin’ mam, an’ ah’m a carer fer me poor san ‘Enry. The judge’ll take them exasperating facters inta account, wunn ‘e? Innit”

“Er, your son’s name is Harvey, I believe. But look, one of these days you’ll game the system once too often, and you’ll end up behind bars”

“Harvey d’ya say? On yeah, ‘im an’ all. Yeah well, s’pose it wouldn’t be all that bad. The screws brought me breakfast in bed this mornin’ in return for a flash, an’ ah could do me workart’s in the gym, gavver material for anuvver new book, and plan me next career move fer when ah get ahrt. Innit”

“Next career move? Pray tell!”

“Well ah’m finkin’ uv goin’ inta escort work. Samfink’s gotta pay fer all the work needed ta keep me lookin’ bootiful, know whut ah mean? There’s loads uv rich old geezers who’d lav ta be seen wiv a celebrity like me on their arm, goin’ ’round the casinos an’ posh restaurants an’ that. Farzand quid a punt, hundred extra ta cop a quick feel. There’s real manney in it. Innit”

“But that’s not going to do much for your already, shall we say, uncertain reputation”

“Sorry lav, ‘ere’s me ‘airdresser, cam ta do me ‘ighlights fer the court. ‘Spect the beak’ll let me ahrt on bail again, wunn ‘e? You see if ‘e don’t. ‘Ere officer, show ‘im arht would ya, there’s a good lad. Triffic. Innit”

Oh well. This is Ron Knee,for IsAC, returning you to the studio. Innit”.

Sly News.

Metro.

Nominated by : Ron Knee

Argus.

‘Bugger Bognor’, as the dying King George V said. Nowadays not so much ‘bugger’ as ‘buggered’, apparently.

A Climate Central (no, me neither) report paints a devastating picture of vast swathes of the Sussex coastline being lost to the sea thanks to our perennial favourite, climate change. And poor old Bognor is going to disappear completely, so its council has declared a climate emergency. As you do.

Except read on and it appears that the report takes no account of the town’s sea defences, namely a shingle beach and promenade. In other words, if there were no sea defences, Bognor would get flooded. A brilliant observation when you consider that part of the town is below sea level.

Hey Bognor Town Council, how about declaring a pothole emergency and stick to fixing something within your capabilities?

Nominated by : Geordie Twatt

Chelshit football club are way overdue another cunting.

Fuck me, how many players do these cunts need? In the last two years alone they have signed Jackson, Nkunku, Mudryk, Madueke, Enzo Fernandez, Neto, Omorodion, fuck knows how many young keepers, Malang Sarr, Badiashile, Caicedo, Lavia, Chukwuemeka, Malo Gusto, Dewsbury-Hall, Wesley Fofana, David Datro Fofana, Cucurella… They’ve spent a BILLION pounds, give or take.

How are they allowed to keep getting away with this in the PSR era? It’s a fucking disgrace.

BBC Sport.

Nominated by : OpinionatedCunt

WARNING: There is currently heightened sensitivity and scrutiny concerning inflammatory race related language online. Let’s not give the Stasi any additional reason to poke their anti legal free speech noses in our direction. The Admin Team.

Back in the 17th and 18th centuries people who could afford to went to various countries on extended holidays to experience the cultures of those different places.

The Grand Tour.

They would return enriched with being immersed in the architecture, music, language, artwork, customs, food and general way of life of the countries that they had visited.

Artists and musicians were inspired by their foreign counterparts.
Architects would reproduce the beauty of the buildings which they had seen.
Adventurous chefs would add a different dimension to their food, using newly discovered herbs, spices and techniques.

Some of the most important buildings throughout the world are based on The Parthenon.
Besides Greece, other popular destinations for the tour would be Italy and France.

The Grand Tour as it was ended many years ago.
If anyone wants to experience different cultures it’s a lot easier and cheaper now.

Jump on a plane and spend a few weeks keeping away from the beaches and naff tourist traps.

If anyone doesn’t want to experience different cultures by travelling abroad then they are free not to.

Several decades ago it was decided that British people were not cultured enough.
I don’t know who had the audacity to decide that or for what reasons.

Instead of people having the free choice to culturally enrich their lives or not, it was decided to force other cultures upon them by firstly the gradual, and now the uncontrolled importation of various peoples.

There is absolutely no benefit of learning about the culture of countries such as Iran, Afghanistan, Somalia or Pakistan.

These people have nothing to offer.

The people from third world countries have no culture which is useful to the people of developed countries and they are determined not to adapt to the culture of of their new nations.

They hold onto their archaic religions and their medieval way of life regardless of where they settle.

But we are still told that multiculturalism is good for us.

Now that the ‘Far Right Extremists’ are asking important questions about immigration perhaps it is now time to ask anyone who supports the wholesale destruction of the UK….. “How exactly has your personal life improved by your multicultural experiences?”.

It was a a failed experiment which has fucked the UK into a position from which it can never recover.

And still it continues.

bbcnews

Nominated by The Artful Cunter.