Traffic stragglers, those fucking stupid, selfish, self-important, heads-up-their-arses dickheads who sit in traffic, texting / Whatsapping / Facetiming and don’t fucking move until they realise the vehicle in front of them has moved a mile down the road, or until I, or someone else who is paying attention has given them a well-deserved blast of the horn, are overdue a severe and brutal cunting of the highest magnitude.
I cannot begin to put into words how much I despise these bastards, they make the daily rat-race that is the M1 / A1 Southbound (or whatever your route is) on a weekday morning so much worse than it already is – for everyone.
I see it all the time; some twat constantly looking up and down, tapping away on his phone, or some dopey bitch applying make up in the poxy overhead mirror, or either gender constantly looking behind, waving their arms around trying to control some piece of shit offspring in the back seat.
If it weren’t for them, traffic would disperse a lot quicker, everyone would arrive at their destination earlier than expected and those traffic reports would seldom appear at full, ear-deafening volume from the radio speakers.
It’s bad enough that the erratic Audi and BMW pricks are in abundance, slow / batty-as-fuck Nissan Note / Honda Jazz drivers, oafish van men (complete with Costa Coffee cups and The Sun newspaper on the dashboard), and those fucking xenon lights (if I could anally insert these bulbs into the vehicles’ owners, I would, but that’s for another cunting).
I could be optimistic and say that sooner or later, people will see the errors of their ways, or will have a sudden spark of common sense, and the actions listed above will decrease. But that would mean having a shred of faith in humanity – something which I lost a long time ago.
Nominated by Lord Cuntony
